The Slanch Report

According to NBA Commissioner David Stern, the officiating in the league is not a problem. Sure Tim Donaghy was arrested and has since accused other officials of fixing games as well as accusing the league of manipulating outcomes for better ratings, but that doesn’t mean there is a problem.

In this year’s Finals when the Lakers needed to get a win, every NBA commentator joked that Bennett Salvatore (the most notoriously bad, home-crowd favoring ref in the league) would be working the game; they didn’t think it would happen, then he actually reffed (poorly, obviously) multiple games! Of course, with Salvatore having been mentioned specifically by Donaghy, you’d think the NBA wouldn’t want to throw him right out there. Nope! Because there is nothing wrong with the officials.

Since nothing is wrong, the NBA has hired former 2-star General Ronald L. Johnson to the newly created position of Senior Vice President of Referee Operations. Johnson just recently retired from the Army after serving 32 years as a combat engineer.

“As I leave the military and return to civilian life, I can’t imagine a more interesting and challenging position,” Johnson said in a league statement. “Although I don’t have a basketball background, other than as a lifelong fan, I am confident that my experience as an Army commander and engineer has equipped me to bring leadership and innovation to the NBA’s exceptional officiating program.”

After all, nothing is wrong. That’s why they brought in someone with zero basketball experience and created a whole new job for him, because the refs are so talented. David Stern says in his statement, “our referees are the best in the world but they never stop striving to improve and Ron has made a career out of getting the very best out of people. We are fortunate to have someone of such extraordinary accomplishment joining our staff.” See, they’re the best!

I always find that the Army is only brought in when nothing is wrong. In fact, the Army always brings peace, prosperity and happiness along with enough hot cocoa for everyone to have some. According to the NBA “Johnson will relocate from Alexandria, Va., to work in the NBA’s New York headquarters.” No word yet if he will be greeted as a liberator or a conquerer.