Nothing is Wrong in the NBA, So Here Comes the Army

According to NBA Commissioner David Stern, the officiating in the league is not a problem. Sure Tim Donaghy was arrested and has since accused other officials of fixing games as well as accusing the league of manipulating outcomes for better ratings, but that doesn’t mean there is a problem.

In this year’s Finals when the Lakers needed to get a win, every NBA commentator joked that Bennett Salvatore (the most notoriously bad, home-crowd favoring ref in the league) would be working the game; they didn’t think it would happen, then he actually reffed (poorly, obviously) multiple games! Of course, with Salvatore having been mentioned specifically by Donaghy, you’d think the NBA wouldn’t want to throw him right out there. Nope! Because there is nothing wrong with the officials.

Since nothing is wrong, the NBA has hired former 2-star General Ronald L. Johnson to the newly created position of Senior Vice President of Referee Operations. Johnson just recently retired from the Army after serving 32 years as a combat engineer.

p1johnson“As I leave the military and return to civilian life, I can’t imagine a more interesting and challenging position,” Johnson said in a league statement. “Although I don’t have a basketball background, other than as a lifelong fan, I am confident that my experience as an Army commander and engineer has equipped me to bring leadership and innovation to the NBA’s exceptional officiating program.”

After all, nothing is wrong. That’s why they brought in someone with zero basketball experience and created a whole new job for him, because the refs are so talented. David Stern says in his statement, “our referees are the best in the world but they never stop striving to improve and Ron has made a career out of getting the very best out of people. We are fortunate to have someone of such extraordinary accomplishment joining our staff.” See, they’re the best!

I always find that the Army is only brought in when nothing is wrong. In fact, the Army always brings peace, prosperity and happiness along with enough hot cocoa for everyone to have some. According to the NBA “Johnson will relocate from Alexandria, Va., to work in the NBA’s New York headquarters.” No word yet if he will be greeted as a liberator or a conquerer.

1 Response to “Nothing is Wrong in the NBA, So Here Comes the Army”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

July 2008


%d bloggers like this: