Archive for July, 2009



13
Jul
09

So Bernie Kosar is Doing Fine

kosar-bernie-cvb-1Some might remember Bernie Kosar for his exploits with his hometown Cleveland Browns, or for being unceremoniously dumped by Bill Belichick when he took over the Browns, or you might be like me and remember his guest appearance on an episode of The Drew Carey Show. Regardless of how you recall Kosar, things have not been going great in his world recently.

Due to some a divorce, unfortunate business decisions and foolish investments, Kosar was forced to file for bankruptcy the other day. The man who once threw 308 passes without an interception and once broke his ankle in the first quarter of a game, only to throw 2 touchdowns in the 4th, now is desperate to keep boys away from his young daughters.

He shattered a Kid Rock-autographed guitar the other day while chasing one teenager out of his house because he doesn’t mind all of the other boys within the area code thinking the Kosar girls have an unhinged dad.

“There are a million doors in this place,” he says. “Too many ways to get in.”

Every movement carries pain and suffering, too many hits over the years have left his body battered and broken and needing multiple surgeries. When asked how much of his money he gave to former teammates over the years with being paid back,

Eight figures,” he says.

Friends and family?

“Eight figures,” he says.

Charities, while putting nearly 100 kids through school on scholarships? “Well over eight figures.”

Now, no longer near the world of football, this once great player has been reduced to the realization that he’s a 45 year old man incapable of doing many mundane tasks. He simply never had to. For most of his life everything was taken care of, by his wife, by maids, by assistants, now, he’s on his own, trying to be a dad and trying to live a “normal” life. I for one wish him luck.

[Miami Herald]

13
Jul
09

Hang On to Your Hats

I’m headed into the urban wilderness that is High Falls, NY and I’m simply not sure what the internet situation is going to be for this week. Most likely, there will be updates at some point in the evenings, but it is unlikely that there will be any day-time posts. You’ll have to make it through the work week somehow. Keep checking back though, if only to pad my stats!

Hugs and HJs!

10
Jul
09

Hanrahan Gets the Win Miles Away

20080529-005237-pic-47351916It took until July 9th, but Joel Hanrahan finally got his first win of the season, and he did it with probably the easiest outing of his season, and on a day off no less! Relaxing in Philadelphia with his new Pirates teammates, 15oo miles away his former mates on the Nationals were taking on the Astros in the continuation of a game started on May 5.

The original game was in the 11th inning when the game was forced to be suspended due to rain. Tied at 10, Hanrahan was on-deck to bat when the game was called. The game was finally resumed last night, albeit in Houston instead of Washington. LaTroy Hawkins who was pitching when the game was originally called was back out on the mound gave up a single and then an error by Miguel Tejada led to a quick run for the Nationals and the game.

Hanrahan, traded on June 30th to the Pirates thus earned his first win of the season, for a team he no longer plays for, improving his record to 1-3.

[ESPN]

10
Jul
09

Forget Halladay, Let’s Get A-Gon

AdrianGonzalezWith Toronto GM JP Ricciardi’s announcement that he would be fielding offers for Roy Halladay, the baseball world has been abuzz with rumors and talk about where he might go. One of the possible destinations is, of course, the Red Sox. While I would love that move, it is highly highly unlikely. For one thing, Halladay is 32, will most likely require an extension taking him another 3-5 years at Johan/CC money. Josh Beckett’s contract is also up after next season and will be in line for a salary similar to that AJ Burnett is earning as a minimum. The likelihood of the Red Sox investing somewhere in the neighborhood of $30+ million in just 2 pitchers is very small. Add in that Jonathan Papelbon is going to keep earning gigantic arbitration awards, probably somewhere in the $10 million range next year, and you’re looking at upwards of $40 million for just 3 players. That’s not fiscally responsible.

Halladay would make the Red Sox by far the runaway candidate to win the World Series this year, but at what future cost? At the same time, the Red Sox right now are still one of the likely representatives in the World Series as is.

I for one would prefer to see the Sox turn their minor league development machine into adding another bat to the roster. At this moment the team is not desperate for another big bopper in the lineup, but at the end of this season third baseman Mike Lowell’s contract is up and despite his being an incredibly valuable member of the team, is unlikely to be extended. That means there’s a hole in the infield. Thanks to Kevin Youkilis’ versatility, the team can look to add either a third baseman OR a first baseman and I have the perfect target; Adrian Gonzalez of the Padres.

Continue reading ‘Forget Halladay, Let’s Get A-Gon’

10
Jul
09

Ooh, Ball in Your Face

In honor of Erin Andrews taking a ball off the face on Wednesday, here’s a gallery assembled by Bula Pictures of other people taking a ball, or foot, or dog to the face. Enjoy!

18

[Bula Pictures]

09
Jul
09

I Think Jeter Wins This One

I was looking through some of my blog stuff today and noticed that for some reason, this post I wrote a few days ago never posted, so, here it be. Apologies for the lateness.

I simply can’t say it any better than the folks over at Barstool Sports did with this one, so, enjoy!

“Jeter vs. A-Rod Summed Up in Two Photos”

jeter arod
[Barstool Sports]

09
Jul
09

There Goes Her Social Life

erin_andrews_sexy_4At last night’s Mets/Dodgers game Erin Andrews and the rest of the Wednesday night baseball ESPN crew were in attendance. Unfortunately for her, she got a ball in the face from Alex Cora when he hit a line drive foul in the 4th inning.

Now, less classy people would make plenty of balls on her chin jokes, but I’m way above that. I don’t need to stoop to that level. Indeed a lesser man might make plenty of oral sex jokes, or even deep-throating comments, but again, that’s not me. I’m all class.

Anyways, she was taken to the hospital a few innings later and her only injury was a bruised chin.

[TMZ]

09
Jul
09

Lightning Crashes

tropToday’s game between the Tampa Bay Rays and Toronto Blue Jays was delayed for about 20 minutes when lightning struck the top of the Tropicana knocking out power to a bank of lights.

This is the second time it’s happened this season. They can’t get a new stadium fast enough, and the Trop is only 19 years old.

[WTSP]

09
Jul
09

What Can YOUR Vagina Do?

TatiataKozhevnikovaonallfoursIn sports when athletes reaches their 40s it usually is precipitated by a drastic drop-off in skill level. That doesn’t appear to be the case with 41 year-old Russian citizen, Tatiata Kozhevnikova who, after training for 15 years, has entered the Guiness Book of World Records as the greatest Vagina Lifting champion ever after holding a 31 pound weight solely with her lady parts.

This wasn’t something Kozhevnikova always could do, she explains that “After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls, I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina.” Makes sense to me.

I love the idea that she was sitting in her house and is just looking around for random objects to shove inside herself to tighten up.

The whole process of training is pretty easy she claims, “You insert one of the balls in your vagina, and it has a string attached to it with a little hook at the very end. You fix a second ball onto this hook.” Bing-Bang-Boom, Vagina Lifting champion.

[In Game Now]

09
Jul
09

Canseco Soon to Be Beaten By Wing Champion

203Because he always needs money and desperately needs attention, Jose Canseco has agreed to enter the boxing ring once more, this time against competitive eating champion Bill “El Wingador” Simmons (left). Canseco in three previous fighting matches has been knocked out by a former Philadelphia Eagle, fought to a draw against DANNY BONADUCE, and was pummeled by 7’2″ Korean kickboxer Hong Man Choi, so I’m sure Simmons is VERY intimidated by Canseco’s prowess.

The fight will be on July 24th although the venue is yet to be announced; I’m sure ticket prices will be low and there will be plenty of empty seats.

Simmons — who has won the illustrious Philadelphia Wing Bowl a record 5 times — came out of retirement in 2008 to compete once more, finishing in third with a personal record 205 wings eaten in 2 minutes. I imagine his farts alone can knock out Jose.

[Celebrity Boxing]

09
Jul
09

The Marlins are ROBBING Miami

1379723371_60a1aa76faAfter years of wrangling the tax-payers, the Florida Marlins are now set to break ground on their new stadium in Little Havana, the project originally estimated to be around $1.8-2 billion has now seen cost estimates soar to approximately $2.4 billion. That seems like a lot.

Fortunately, the Marlins, awash in cash from their packed house every night are paying for the entire stadium out of their pocket.

Wait, I’m being informed that isn’t accurate. Oh, you’re telling me the Marlins are contributing $120 million towards construction and another $35 million to repay a loan from the county and that’s it? Seems to me that is a robust 6% of the ENTIRE construction costs. Wow, nicely done Marlins. I’m not quite clear how the team was able to swindle the city into giving them this deal, but it is an AWFUL one for the city. Even worse, the team is locking itself into a 40 year deal with the city, meaning that after the first season in the new park when the fans stop showing up, as they have done consistently in Florida, the city will be on the hook without gaining much back.

‘This is the sort of financing you do when you cannot afford it,” said Leo Guzman, president of securities firm Guzman & Co. in Coral Gables, who is not involved in the deal. Sounds like a ringing endorsement!

Also, the team is only building 37,000 seats, which is only a few hundred more than Fenway Park holds. The Red Sox sell out every game because their fans are passionate and so are able to contend thanks to high ticket prices and demand. The Marlins average 17K fans at their games, which is being VERY generous with counting, I simply don’t see how this will work out in the end for Miami, the Marlins or the citizens of Miami. Shame on the city managers who agreed to this deal in the first place.

Everyone would be best served by allowing the team to move to a market where the fans will actually show up to the games. Clearly the product on the field isn’t the issue because even when the Marlins were winning World Series the fans don’t show up until the playoffs.

[Sun-Sentinel]

09
Jul
09

Nice Hands Murph

Three Mets-related posts in a row? I better be careful or Red Sox Nation may take away my membership card…

However, this phenomenal play by Daniel Murphy is simply too great to pass up. Sure, he could never ever do this play again no matter how many chances he got, but all that matters is that the one time it came up, not only did he get to the ball, but he got the out.




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

July 2009
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Categories