Archive for July 16th, 2009


I Have GOT to Become Rich and Famous

Because being a famous highly well-paid athlete isn’t good enough, for those athletes in attendance at the ESPY’s in Los Angeles, here is a list of some of the items they received in the gift tents beforehand.

  • Undefeated and EA Sports: The two companies teamed up for the most practical and most gaudy giveaways. Everybody’s first stop was for their custom military-style duffel bag ($225 est), which was used for carrying all the other goodies. They also gave 30 VIPs a personalized PlayStation 3 or PSP, which was laser-engraved while the recipient waited in a lounge serving Patron.
  • iHome: The electronics maker handed out a variety of products, including the iH29 speaker case, iConnect Media Keyboard and wireless laser mouse ($179.99), and laptop cooling pads.
  • Simmons Jewelry: Yup, there’s nothing Russell Simmons doesn’t make. Several of his jewelry lines were on display, primarily made of stainless steel. There was one watch with an MSRP higher than most new cars. VIPs were given items worth up to a few hundred dollars.
  • A new website hoping to be Facebook for the glitterati, they’ll promote the pros and charge regular subscribers an introductory $2.99 per month to read their content. For the celebs who signed up this weekend, they handed out a free Flip Cam.
  • Muze Clothing: Specializing in t-shirts printed with classic movie lines, Muze came into the pop spotlight recently when Tony Romo was seen wearing their clothes while out with Jessica Simpson. Let’s hope his shirt lasted longer than his relationship.
  • Skullcandy: Looking to promote their new Decibel Collection, Skullcandy (which produces fashion headphones) handed out a number of their mid-range products.
  • Assorted eyewear: We never quite figured out what the eye guy was doing, but he did fit Pittsburgh Penguins coach Dan Bylsma for some prescription Nike glasses and was displaying a pair of Calvin Klein sunglasses with an 8 gigabyte flash drive in the frame.
  • Pure Power Mouthguard: Designed to improve jaw alignment and thereby improve athletic performance. You wouldn’t think it makes that big of a difference … but one of their dentists was able to help this writer’s strength and balance just by shoving a pen between my teeth. Their sponsored athletes get fancy versions, but apparently weekend warriors can drop a couple grand in hopes of dropping a couple strokes from their golf game.
  • Wynn: The Las Vegas casino gave a select crowd gift certificates along with an all-access VIP card for entrance into the clubs and pool. One Laker we talked to wasn’t impressed, joking that he gets free three-room suites at a rival resort. Maybe he’ll spend it at Tryst.
  • Marley Coffee: Ziggy isn’t the only one carrying on the family legacy. Turns out Bob always wanted to be a farmer, and his son Rohan is growing beans — the caffeinated variety. Hardcore sports fans may remember that he was on the 1991 Miami Hurricanes national championship team.
  • Axe: Branching out of the spray-on market less than a year ago, stylists worked on guy’s hair while they handed out bottles of product.
  • Zirh: Not to be outdone, the high-end men’s skincare line set up mini-massages and gave away some of their cremes and masks.
  • Patron: Besides serving drinks throughout the event, Patron also boxed up some basic party supplies and handed them out.
  • Pizza Fusion: Hey, somebody had to cater … being LA, they had to go organic.
  • Sentient: You probably haven’t heard of them because you don’t fly in private jets. And you won’t fly in private jets until you can afford to do so without a coupon. Which is why they were giving coupons to those who could afford it. One of life’s great Catch 22’s.



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Bring the Pain

C_67_article_2054152_body_articleblock_0_bodyimageMark Pain was the tennis coach at the Reading Tennis Club in olde England, that is until a group of 14 year old girls noticed him masturbating in his car. Parked in front of the Whitley Sexual Health Clinic, the 49 year old was full-on pleasuring himself when the girls espied him and reported it to authorities.

The prosecuting attorney, Andrew Isaacs had this to say regarding the incident:

It was around 8pm on Tuesday, May 19, in the car park of the clinic in Northumberland Avenue. He was in his car and wearing a black baseball cap and T-shirt. [The girls] noticed the car was parked and he was just sitting there. [One girl] looked into the car and could see he was masturbating. The girls waited at a nearby bus stop and he drove past them slowly and did this about eight times. The girl who saw this [the masturbating] take place described how she was frightened by what was happening and was concerned about the number of times he drove past. The two others said they knew what the individual was doing was wrong but were not sure what to do.

Reportedly Pain told police he had just finished playing tennis and started to “feel himself.”

After the hearing Pain announced “I am quitting my job.” You don’t say? I always knew the Brits were understated but that’s just impressive. Also, go Giants, right?! Ha.

[Get Reading]


Fox Blows it With Their Whorish Ways

I don’t watch crappy television, so I’ve never seen Fringe on Fox, they however are desperate to try and get me to by putting a subtle plug for it in last night’s All Star game. When President Obama threw the ceremonial first pitch, they added in a blatant advertisement for the show.

That creepy bald dude is apparently some character on Fringe called “The Observer,” nicely done Fox, you just guaranteed I will never EVER watch that show. Now THAT’S marketing!

[The Sporting News]


Softball Coach Gets a Raw Deal

92587After guiding his Walkersville High softball team to the 2A Western Region title this spring, Brad Young hosted a post-season cookout and pool party for his team. Several of the parents brought some beer to the party and that led to Young being dismissed from his position for violating his school district’s regulations prohibiting alcohol at any school function.

Although none of the players or Young were drinking or had access to the alcohol and none of the adults were or became intoxicated, Young received a letter from the school board informing him they were relieving him of his position.
Some of the girls parents have, in turn, stepped up on behalf of the team’s coach.

Bob McNally, father of two players on this year’s team, said he brought beer to the team function at Young’s home, unaware it would be a school system policy violation for the coach to permit it at a team party.

“None of the students had access to alcohol or were drinking,” McNally said in a phone interview Monday. “The girls simply had a lot of fun. And Brad (Young) did not drink. In no way shape or form did any parents or school employee put any of the students in jeopardy or do anything illegal or immoral.”

McNally described Young as a “great role model for those kids,” and “a mentor who gives 150 percent” for the students-athletes in his charge.

“It wasn’t an intentional violation,” NcNally said. “The punishment doesn’t fit the crime.”

Seems to me that this coach got totally shafted, the parents admit it wasn’t him, that he wasn’t drinking and that he’s a great role-model. I think the school board had better reinstate him and soon, because he’s getting totally boned.

[Frederick News-Post]

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July 2009