Archive for April, 2009



01
Apr
09

It Is April Fool’s After All

In honor of everyone trying to play practical jokes today, the folks over at BettorFan have compiled a list of the, in their opinion, 7 best sports pranks of all time. Check it out here and for a teaser, here is number 7.

7) Who throws a Potato?

Dave Bresnahan Potato

The year is 1987 and Dave Bresnahan, the second string catcher with the Williamsport (Pennsylvania) Bills of the Class-AA Eastern League, has been waiting all season to pull a prank during a game. Bresnahan sculpted a potato to replicate a baseball before the game in anticipation of his prank. In the fifth inning he chucked the potato to the third baseman where a runner was waiting for his teammate to hit. The runner thinking that Bresnahan caused an error, ran home. As the runner was approaching the plate, Bresnahan tagged the runner with the baseball. Not understanding how this happened, the ump found the potato and awarded the runner with a run. The following day, Bresnehan was fined $50 and released by his team. The potato is now sitting in a jar at the Baseball Reliquary in Southern California.

[BettorFan]

01
Apr
09

Out With the Old, In With Her

The English national soccer team recently changed their uniforms to an all-white affair that is a retro throwback to the 50s and 60s. However, this uniform may look old-school but is supposedly very high-tech, featuring air vents (holes at the armpits) and a revolutionary fiber. They even moved the crest that goes over the breast, moving it up so it wouldn’t chafe at the nipples. Speaking of, here is an extremely attractive woman named Emma modeling the new uniform. I want one. With her in it.75057_1

[Daily Star]

01
Apr
09

Not a Bad Seat in the House, Except All of Those, and Those, Oh, and These

In building their new stadiums, both the New York Mets and New York Yankees decided to LOWER attendance; only 5% for the Yankees but an astounding 26% for the Mets. You’d think that if they were going to do that, and charge the exorbitant ticket prices they that are, every seat would be phenomenal. Of course, since both franchises could care less about the average fan, that is not the case. Say you want to go to a Yankees game and all you can afford is one of these 1,048 seats in the bleachers, well, I hope you didn’t have any desire to see any of the action that happens in left field or at third base. But don’t worry, hardly anything important ever happens in those areas…

The view from section 201, in the center-field bleachers at the new Yankee Stadium. The wall is part of the Mohegan Sun Sports Bar.

The view from section 201, in the center-field bleachers at the new Yankee Stadium. The wall is part of the Mohegan Sun Sports Bar.

Yankees officials say that they will be placing televisions along the wall so fans can follow along but why pay for tickets if you’re just going to have to watch the game on TV anyways? Even classier, it wasn’t until Newsday had a story about these obstructed view seats that the Yankees announced an “invoicing problem” had erroneously listed all of those seats as the same price of other, non-obstructed bleacher seats. The shitty seats were supposed to be only $5, not $12; of course the Yankees website still doesn’t reflect that change leading me to believe that the Yankees could care less about me, you or anyone not paying $2500 for their individual tickets.

Citi Field has sight-line problems of its own too;

Steven Gottesman, who has a 15-game ticket plan, went to see his four seats in Section 533, Row 15, near the top of the upper deck down the left-field line. To his ‘shock and horror,’ he could not see the warning track or about 20 feet of the outfield from the left-field line to center field. ‘In other words, I will only know if a home run is hit if I am listening to a radio at the game or I wait to see the sign from the umpire,’ Gottesman, 45, said in an e-mail message. ‘If Endy Chávez made his catch in this new stadium and I had been there, I would not have seen it.’

To be fair, commenters Youppi and the roomate were AT that Endy Chavez catch game, and were sitting so high up that they too were unable to see it, so Shea wasn’t immune to this problem. However, Shea was built in the 60s and Citi Field is supposed to be state-0f-the-art, not a gigantic concrete toilet…Don’t worry Mets fans, the team is on it!

Dave Howard, the Mets’ vice president for business operations admitted that the seats in Section 533 are angled in such a way that fans will be unable to see the warning track and some of the field. He said the team has no plans to lower its ticket prices or label the seats in question as having obscured views.

Sweet thanks guys! It’s nice to know you appreciate the people who are coming to watch your miserable product choke away the season once more. This is just another excellent business decision from the Mets, like giving Luis Castillo $25 million or having Livan Hernandez as the 5th starter. Assholes.

The only good news coming out of Citi Field so far is that a 12-ounce beer, formerly $7.50 at Shea will only cost $6, so getting belligerently drunk will almost be reasonable, or you could aways indulge in a $17 lobster roll instead…Other food price cuts include popcorn, down to $4.25, knishes (I can’t believe no one told me there were KNISHES at Shea!) down to $3.75, water down $.50 to $3.75 and Pepsi, a quarter less at $4.75.

[NY Times]

01
Apr
09

Obama Tells Auto Companies to Ditch NASCAR

I can’t confirm for certain that this isn’t an April Fool’s Joke, which is super annoying, and despite it being on Drudge, I can’t seem to find the actual statement from the White House anywhere, but fuck it, I like this story regardless…

President Obama’s White House has reportedly told GM and Chrysler that if they are to receive government funds, among the expenses they must cut back on includes their participation in NASCAR. If GM and Chrysler were both to pull completely out of NASCAR, they would save a combined $250 million dollars, which is no small sum. Particularly for the employees of either company who have seen their jobs evaporate, their benefits dry up and their retirement plans disappear into the ether of mismanagement.

From President Obama’s statement:

Automakers used to operate on the principle of ‘win on Sunday, sell on Monday,’ but the Auto Task Force’s research just doesn’t validate that as true. NASCAR is a racing series that regulates down to the smallest detail of the cars, where a car badged a Chevrolet or Dodge differs only marginally from a Ford or a Toyota. There’s no technological development to speak of.

In order to receive this money, corporations must demonstrate they will spend it wisely. Racing has been said to improve on-road technology, but frankly, NASCAR almost flaunts its standing among the lowest-tech forms of motorsport. NASCAR is not proven to drive advancements that transfer from the racetrack to the road, and this nation’s way forward does not hinge on decades-old technology. We need new, and we need innovation.

He also stated that if Ford were to accept money from the government they would be expected to pull out from NASCAR as well. I’m sure this move will be going over extremely well in the South where they were already such big fans of the President…However, I like this move, I’d rather some workers who have been getting shit on for the last 20 years get some of their money back than seeing some rednecks get entertained by cars driving around in a circle.\

The statement continues:

This is an obvious cut to make, but it is not an easy one. This administration is not ignoring the tremendous sentimental value and emotional appeal NASCAR holds for so many Americans. But now is not the time for sentiment and nostalgia; now is a time for decisive financial action. If our automotive industry is to emerge from this recession intact, then these difficult decisions must be made.

[Car and Driver]

01
Apr
09

Andrew Bynum Has a Fun Idea of Rehab

When Andrew Bynum went down last season the likelihood of the Lakers winning the championship went down with him. This year they were much more prepared for losing Bynum and have been able to carry on as they get ready for the playoffs. Supposedly he might even be available for the playoffs, although to do so he’d need to be taking his rehab seriously and I’m not so certain he is. For instance, Andrew Bynum over the weekend first went to the Playboy Celebrity Golf Tournament, although he didn’t golf and then later challenged one of the Playmates to a hula-hooping contest. Worst of all, he isn’t even a good hula-hooper. You know, I think the 21 year-old Bynum might have wanted to see Playboy Playmates move their hips and bodies in a rhythmic motion just for his own nefarious amusement, and NOT for the purity of an all-American hula-hoop competition…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The fun wasn’t over for Bynum, this picture of him carrying Playmate Nicole Nahrain on his shoulders sparked plenty of conversation in LA as the Lakers continue on their current road trip without their injured center.

bb5f4f79bcb1364bb5a69de38d61eb50_bynumnarainYou know what, I bet that being really rich and 21 years old is pretty awesome. Someday, someday!

[Yardbarker via Sports by Brooks]


01
Apr
09

Name Your Own Arena, Preferably For Me

871c_11

It’s not surprising that an advertising agency comes up with a clever idea to represent a product, although rarely is the product the agency itself. BooneOakley, a full-service agency based in Charlotte, is auctioning off the naming rights for a basketball arena, their own in-office half-court stadium. Previously known as H-O-R-S-E Arena, BooneOakley is offering, for one-year, scoreboard and sideline signage, in addition to roof signage, visible from space. You can’t BUY that kind of publicity. Well, actually, you can, by bidding on their eBay auction, currently at $250.

Pitching their case, BooneOakley points out that Bank of America paid $140 million for the naming rights of the Panthers stadium, a place open 10 days a year as compared to the BO offices, open 363 — closed Christmas and for partner Phil Smith’s birthday. Even better, BooneOakley says you can count on attendance at their stadium in the vicinity of 32 people, often every day!

87c2_1John Boone says, “Imagine the signal a marketer could send in this economy by securing their own naming rights deal for about one-tenth of that!”

Partner David Oakley insists that “the minimum bid for our arena must exceed what Time-Warner negotiated with the Charlotte Bobcats for their stadium’s naming rights, a figure that some reports have pegged at 20 year’s free cable service.”
Obviously, the Preparation H signs that are up right now are mere placeholders for what could be YOUR name. Or rather, more importantly, MY NAME, or at least my nickname. So COME ON READERS, LET’S MAKE THE SLANCH REPORT ARENA COME TRUE!
01
Apr
09

Joba’s Lawyer Emults His Actions

When Joba Chamberlain finally has his day in court for his DUI arrest later today, he should feel much more confident regarding the outcome thanks to the man at his side. That’s because Joba’s attorney, Randy Paragas just got arrested with his OWN DUI, so he should be well-versed in the court procedures. I can also understand why Joba chose Paragas as his attorney, since Paragas drives a 1998 red Corvette with license plates that read “NOTGLTY”, I’m no expert, but if MY attorney had those license plates I know I’d feel secure. I don’t know how you could get any other attorney who doesn’t promote “not guilty” pleas via their car. Paragas’ arrest had no bearing on Joba’s case, other than explaining the delay in Joba’s case being heard by a judge. Don’t fret though Yankees fans, both Paragas and Chamberlain got off easy.

[Omaha.com]

01
Apr
09

Sorry Ladies, Move on to the Next Billionaire

a09a58b9b6_celtics_04012009For all of you female readers who thought that adding a soft-spoken billionaire who happens to own the Boston Red Sox as your husband might be a good idea, your time has passed. Divorced a little over a year ago, John Henry is once more OFF the market as he and his affiance sent out special save-the-date gifts — engraved bottles of Francis Ford Coppola sparkling wine engraved with their initials — announcing their nuptials. The ceremony is to be on June 27th and reportedly will be held at Fenway Park, because even if you’re a billionaire there’s no reason to pay outrageous rental fees for the Knights of Columbus hall.

Henry, who is 59 and Linda Pizzuti, 30, got engaged only 6 months after meeting at the Alibi bar in the Liberty Hotel. Pizzuti, a real estate developer specializes in sustainable development and also is an adventurer, having once thrown a formal dinner party at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro and recently went with Henry on a turtle safari to the Galapagos Islands. Oh yeah, and she’s totally super cute.

I have GOT to get me a billion dollars!

[Boston Herald]

01
Apr
09

Soccer Can Be Interesting

Here’s two things you don’t see everyday in a soccer game. In the first video, after receiving a penalty kick Costin Lazar, a player on Rapid Bucharest refused the penalty, ultimately kicking the ball out of bounds and giving it back to the other team. Rapid was up 2-0 at the time, but even still a penalty kick, inside the box is a valuable thing and he willingly gave it up, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.

Then in this second video from a friendly between Northern Ireland and Poland comes an awful goalie miscue. This is just embarrassingly bad.


01
Apr
09

The Return of the Whale!

When the Hartford Whalers moved it was a sad day; not only did the Whale leave behind a loyal fan base but one of the absolutely greatest team fight songs in the history of sports (below). While the team moved on to become the Carolina Hurricanes, some fans never did. However, this auction, perfectly situated for Easter, is one fan’s attempt to move beyond the past.

For a limited time only, (auction ends Saturday) you could finally become the owner of the autographs of the entire 1982-1983 Hartford Whalers on different colored wooden eggs. Finally!

Right now the auction is a STEAL at only $9.99, so get your bids in now.

bpby93qbmkkgrhgoh-dwejlllzbowbjzpprk1_12Included in the autographs is an egg from Mr. Hockey himself, Gordie Howe, who plied his trade briefly for the Whale as well as such luminaries as:

  • Russ Anderson
  • Ron Francis
  • Pierre Lacroix
  • Paul Lawless
  • Doug Sulliman
  • Mike Veisor
  • Chuck Kaiton – Hartford Whalers Radio
  • Greg A. Adams
  • Ed Hospodar
  • Chris Kotsopoulos
  • Pierre Lacroix
  • Jack McIlhargey
  • Warren Miller
  • Mark Renaud
  • Doug Sulliman
  • Chuck Kaiton – Hartford Whalers Radio
  • Ed Hospodar
  • Mike McDougall
  • Bob Sullivan
  • Risto Siltanen
  • Mike Vellucci
  • Jack McIlhargey and Chris Kotsopoulos on same egg

[eBay]




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April 2009
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