Archive for April 13th, 2009


This Doppelganger Train Don’t Stop

Thanks to loyal reader The Sister here are two excellent doppelganger options for you to enjoy as well as one that my own carefully honed eye spotted last night. Please make sure to vote in the polls below and then visit the permanent doppelgangers page to enjoy the many others we’ve assembled.

Nicknamed “The Baseball Monster” by my friends and I, Vladimir Guerrero strikes fear into the hearts of opposing pitchers everywhere; there’s no pitch he can’t hit, no matter how far out of the strike zone it might be, and when he makes contact, the ball goes a long long way. Once graced with the speed of a gazelle, Guerrero would relentlessly run down balls in the outfield before unleashing his absolute cannon of an arm. These days, his movements look like those of an 85 year old man, the years on the hard concrete surface in Montreal taking their toll. Guerrero is also the inspiration for my current fantasy baseball team name: My Two Vlads. There was a time when Arsenio Hall was the king of night-time entertainment; he was hailed as the successor to Johnny Carson and his trademark audience “woofs” took the nation by storm. He also managed to find time to co-star in the epic comedy movie Coming to America, which is on television somewhere, every other week. It is quite possible these men are long-lost brothers.


Thanks to Julio Lugo’s recent knee surgery, career backup and minor-leaguer Nick Green was given the chance to break camp as a member of the Boston Red Sox Opening Day roster. While he hasn’t done much in his MLB career, Green is a maximum effort type of guy, and in addition to the Sox he’s appeared in games for the Tampa Bay Rays, Seattle Mariners, Atlanta Braves and New York Yankees, although he’s only racked up 803 ABs since 2004 in the bigs. A pint-sized receiver, Wes Welker doesn’t seem like much to look at, except the little guy features blazing speed, excellent agility and the ability to make defenders miss. All of which has led 213 receptions in two years with the New England Patriots. During the season Welker is known for his amazing skills in open space and for an epic porn ‘stache that is just plain filthy; he also has dreamy eyes.


Thanks to their lack of a true top-flight center fielder, Reed Johnson, after unceremoniously being dropped from the Toronto Blue Jays made his way over to the Chicago Cubs where he has provided little pop from the bat but excellent defense. He’s also well-known across baseball for his large goatee that he usually lets grow out as the season progresses. Leading the heavy-metal band Anthrax, Scott Ian is ALSO known for his outlandish length goatees, as well as for the band’s hard-driving licks. He also is married to Meatloaf’s daughter and dropped his real last name “Rosenfeld” when performing, I guess because Jews can’t perform hard-rock. Whaddya think, doppelgangers?



Birdies Make Me Grabby

During his pursuit of the top of the leaderboard at the Master’s yesterday, a hard-charging man-boobed Phil Mickelson seemed poised to maybe pull off a great upset. After shooting a robust 30 on the front nine, Phil came awfully close to wearing the green jacket once more. The fans in the galleries were right there with Phil, living and dying on every shot; some fans even found themselves getting excited by the play in front of them. Take for instance, this man who amidst the excitement of Mickelson’s birdie on 15 went for a boob grab. His wife/girlfriend/whatever wasn’t too upset by it, but she also wasn’t too psyched. I’m just glad he didn’t take anything out of his golf bag, after all, you shouldn’t be using a wood on the fairway anyways…


Doors Can be Tricky…

I don’t know what it is about baseball players that inspires such wacky injures; maybe it’s too much downtime, maybe they just aren’t that bright, I dunno, but just type in “bizarre baseball injuries” on a search engine to come up with hundreds of examples of ballplayer silliness.

Young Cincinnati Reds outfielder Chris Dickerson is the latest casualty to make it into the weird injury annals, sustaining a large bump on his forehead thanks to an unfortunate run-in, with a hotel revolving door.

My ‘real’ story is I hit my head on the rim during a celebrity slam dunk contest,” Dickerson joked. “They do need to do something about that door. It’s a deathtrap waiting to happen. I can only imagine what happens with people less coordinated than me. I’m a little clumsy, but a pretty coordinated guy. I should be able to fly through that thing easy. I struggle with it every day.

Now, I get that many baseball players are not the definition of athletic, but you’d think a simple revolving door wouldn’t be too much for someone whose life has been built around athletic feats. Perhaps, from now on, Dickerson should have the hotel doormen take care of opening passages for him…



Quite the Recovery

When it comes to NASCAR, I don’t have any interest whatsoever, I certainly don’t understand the appeal and would be fine with it disappearing completely. Unfortunately, there’s a whole lot of dumb people in this country, and I should know, I saw a lot of them at Applebee’s last night…

Anyways, I will say that Joe Nemecheck does some pretty impressive driving moves in this clip from the Saturday’s Pepsi 300. It’s one thing to flip over, it’s quite another to flip over going 200 MPH and then recover enough to keep driving like nothing happened and avoid hitting the wall.

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April 2009