Hasheem Thabeet is a gigantic man who will be drafted this June by an NBA team looking for the next Hakeem Olajuwan but are more likely to get the next Yu Jianlin instead. Regardless, the UConn Junior has a pretty good sense of humor, as evidenced by a twitter post he put up today in celebration of April Fool’s Day.
Hilarious.
The internet was abuzz a few weeks ago with the 4,800 calorie burger due to be offered by the West Michigan Whitecaps minor league baseball team and now a vegan advocacy group is trying to get in on the action.
The 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips — all on an 8-inch bun looks, sounds and most likely is absolutely delicious, if also terrifyingly nauseating.
Susan Levin, a staff dietitian for the Washington-based Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, disagrees, and so she sent a letter to the Grand Rapids minor-league team on Tuesday asking that the 4,800-calorie burger be labeled a “dietary disaster” that increases the risk of cancer and heart disease.
Um, no shit! Do these vegans think that anyone looking at that burger would believe that it was healthy or good for you in any possible way? For chrissakes, it weighs 4 pounds! I mean, look at the thing, it screams out “HEART ATTACK,” but if you’re too retarded to know that in the first place do you really think a warning is going to make any difference. I don’t think anyone is at the food stand deciding between a hot dog or this monstrosity and then comparing calories. If you’re gonna order this behemoth, you know it walking in the gates. But of course, the vegans are too busy thinking they’re better than everyone else and so are trying to make news with this story. I’d like a warning to be attached to all vegan food from now on, “Warning: eating this does not equal eating real food and is likely to make you a sanctimonious asshole that no one wants to be around. Also, we make the fake meats look like real meat because you know you’d rather eat the deliciousness that is real food instead.”
The team has no intention of removing the item or putting a warning on.
[MSNBC]
Since I can’t seem to stop posting soccer and hockey videos today, here’s another post with two pretty awesome shots one from each sport.
The first features Linus Omark a young Swedish forward playing in a friendly between his country and Switzerland. The game went into a shootout and this is one of the prettiest, sweetest shootout goals I’ve ever seen. Enjoy!
Then, here is an excellent long-range shot from the soccer world. Eat your heart out Beckham.
America exports nearly everything, and sometimes it’s the best we’ve got. For example, the NBA and Chinese beer giant Tsingtao Brewery are joining forces to launch a cheerleading competition to air on the state-run television channel. The winners of the competition will get the opportunity to come to the US and train with a real NBA dance team! Besides the dance competition, according to producer Su Ling, the show will also focus on “NBA culture … Michael Jordan, the Lakers and basketball history.” Sounds exciting!
After the success of the cheerleaders at the Olympics, the “la la dui,” which is the Chinese word(s?) for the dancers have gained much more mainstream acceptance. The NBA-Tsingtao show, called “Qing Wu Men” in Chinese, which translates roughly into the very catchy “Young Dance Stage.”
Look out world, China has too many people to not overwhelm NBA dance teams with floods of young hot dancer girls. Which, now that I think about it isn’t necessarily a bad thing…
Out of all the young Bruins, Milan Lucic is my favorite, he plays like a young Cam Neely and has a mean-streak that I really appreciate. While the NHL governors are considering fighting, I’m glad it’s still part of the game and clearly the crowd is too; look how quickly everyone stands up to get a better view of Lucic giving Josef Melichar of the Tampa Bay Lightning his comeuppance for a high hit.
And via Deadspin comes this hilarious video from AFTER the game of a girl valiantly trying to to make her way back UP the escalator as everyone else tries to get out of the Garden.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
“It was a gut-wrencher,” said manager Jim Leyland, who stayed up late thinking about the decision to release a likely Hall of Famer. “It’s not good when you light up two Marlboro’s at the same time at 3 a.m., washing it down with a glass of chocolate milk.
“You know you have a lot on your mind when you do that.”
[Det News]
Whoever made this video of Polish national team goalie Artur Boruc has way too much free time on their hands. Of course, this is coming from someone who is now reblogging it, so who is really the one with too much free time…?
Anyhoo, Boruc clearly likes to spit, and so someone took the time to turn his spitting into a beatbox mashup. I love it.
In honor of everyone trying to play practical jokes today, the folks over at BettorFan have compiled a list of the, in their opinion, 7 best sports pranks of all time. Check it out here and for a teaser, here is number 7.
7) Who throws a Potato?
The year is 1987 and Dave Bresnahan, the second string catcher with the Williamsport (Pennsylvania) Bills of the Class-AA Eastern League, has been waiting all season to pull a prank during a game. Bresnahan sculpted a potato to replicate a baseball before the game in anticipation of his prank. In the fifth inning he chucked the potato to the third baseman where a runner was waiting for his teammate to hit. The runner thinking that Bresnahan caused an error, ran home. As the runner was approaching the plate, Bresnahan tagged the runner with the baseball. Not understanding how this happened, the ump found the potato and awarded the runner with a run. The following day, Bresnehan was fined $50 and released by his team. The potato is now sitting in a jar at the Baseball Reliquary in Southern California.
The English national soccer team recently changed their uniforms to an all-white affair that is a retro throwback to the 50s and 60s. However, this uniform may look old-school but is supposedly very high-tech, featuring air vents (holes at the armpits) and a revolutionary fiber. They even moved the crest that goes over the breast, moving it up so it wouldn’t chafe at the nipples. Speaking of, here is an extremely attractive woman named Emma modeling the new uniform. I want one. With her in it.
In building their new stadiums, both the New York Mets and New York Yankees decided to LOWER attendance; only 5% for the Yankees but an astounding 26% for the Mets. You’d think that if they were going to do that, and charge the exorbitant ticket prices they that are, every seat would be phenomenal. Of course, since both franchises could care less about the average fan, that is not the case. Say you want to go to a Yankees game and all you can afford is one of these 1,048 seats in the bleachers, well, I hope you didn’t have any desire to see any of the action that happens in left field or at third base. But don’t worry, hardly anything important ever happens in those areas…
The view from section 201, in the center-field bleachers at the new Yankee Stadium. The wall is part of the Mohegan Sun Sports Bar.
Yankees officials say that they will be placing televisions along the wall so fans can follow along but why pay for tickets if you’re just going to have to watch the game on TV anyways? Even classier, it wasn’t until Newsday had a story about these obstructed view seats that the Yankees announced an “invoicing problem” had erroneously listed all of those seats as the same price of other, non-obstructed bleacher seats. The shitty seats were supposed to be only $5, not $12; of course the Yankees website still doesn’t reflect that change leading me to believe that the Yankees could care less about me, you or anyone not paying $2500 for their individual tickets.
Citi Field has sight-line problems of its own too;
Steven Gottesman, who has a 15-game ticket plan, went to see his four seats in Section 533, Row 15, near the top of the upper deck down the left-field line. To his ‘shock and horror,’ he could not see the warning track or about 20 feet of the outfield from the left-field line to center field. ‘In other words, I will only know if a home run is hit if I am listening to a radio at the game or I wait to see the sign from the umpire,’ Gottesman, 45, said in an e-mail message. ‘If Endy Chávez made his catch in this new stadium and I had been there, I would not have seen it.’
To be fair, commenters Youppi and the roomate were AT that Endy Chavez catch game, and were sitting so high up that they too were unable to see it, so Shea wasn’t immune to this problem. However, Shea was built in the 60s and Citi Field is supposed to be state-0f-the-art, not a gigantic concrete toilet…Don’t worry Mets fans, the team is on it!
Dave Howard, the Mets’ vice president for business operations admitted that the seats in Section 533 are angled in such a way that fans will be unable to see the warning track and some of the field. He said the team has no plans to lower its ticket prices or label the seats in question as having obscured views.
Sweet thanks guys! It’s nice to know you appreciate the people who are coming to watch your miserable product choke away the season once more. This is just another excellent business decision from the Mets, like giving Luis Castillo $25 million or having Livan Hernandez as the 5th starter. Assholes.
The only good news coming out of Citi Field so far is that a 12-ounce beer, formerly $7.50 at Shea will only cost $6, so getting belligerently drunk will almost be reasonable, or you could aways indulge in a $17 lobster roll instead…Other food price cuts include popcorn, down to $4.25, knishes (I can’t believe no one told me there were KNISHES at Shea!) down to $3.75, water down $.50 to $3.75 and Pepsi, a quarter less at $4.75.
[NY Times]
I can’t confirm for certain that this isn’t an April Fool’s Joke, which is super annoying, and despite it being on Drudge, I can’t seem to find the actual statement from the White House anywhere, but fuck it, I like this story regardless…
President Obama’s White House has reportedly told GM and Chrysler that if they are to receive government funds, among the expenses they must cut back on includes their participation in NASCAR. If GM and Chrysler were both to pull completely out of NASCAR, they would save a combined $250 million dollars, which is no small sum. Particularly for the employees of either company who have seen their jobs evaporate, their benefits dry up and their retirement plans disappear into the ether of mismanagement.
From President Obama’s statement:
Automakers used to operate on the principle of ‘win on Sunday, sell on Monday,’ but the Auto Task Force’s research just doesn’t validate that as true. NASCAR is a racing series that regulates down to the smallest detail of the cars, where a car badged a Chevrolet or Dodge differs only marginally from a Ford or a Toyota. There’s no technological development to speak of.
In order to receive this money, corporations must demonstrate they will spend it wisely. Racing has been said to improve on-road technology, but frankly, NASCAR almost flaunts its standing among the lowest-tech forms of motorsport. NASCAR is not proven to drive advancements that transfer from the racetrack to the road, and this nation’s way forward does not hinge on decades-old technology. We need new, and we need innovation.
He also stated that if Ford were to accept money from the government they would be expected to pull out from NASCAR as well. I’m sure this move will be going over extremely well in the South where they were already such big fans of the President…However, I like this move, I’d rather some workers who have been getting shit on for the last 20 years get some of their money back than seeing some rednecks get entertained by cars driving around in a circle.\
The statement continues:
This is an obvious cut to make, but it is not an easy one. This administration is not ignoring the tremendous sentimental value and emotional appeal NASCAR holds for so many Americans. But now is not the time for sentiment and nostalgia; now is a time for decisive financial action. If our automotive industry is to emerge from this recession intact, then these difficult decisions must be made.
When Andrew Bynum went down last season the likelihood of the Lakers winning the championship went down with him. This year they were much more prepared for losing Bynum and have been able to carry on as they get ready for the playoffs. Supposedly he might even be available for the playoffs, although to do so he’d need to be taking his rehab seriously and I’m not so certain he is. For instance, Andrew Bynum over the weekend first went to the Playboy Celebrity Golf Tournament, although he didn’t golf and then later challenged one of the Playmates to a hula-hooping contest. Worst of all, he isn’t even a good hula-hooper. You know, I think the 21 year-old Bynum might have wanted to see Playboy Playmates move their hips and bodies in a rhythmic motion just for his own nefarious amusement, and NOT for the purity of an all-American hula-hoop competition…
Vodpod videos no longer available.The fun wasn’t over for Bynum, this picture of him carrying Playmate Nicole Nahrain on his shoulders sparked plenty of conversation in LA as the Lakers continue on their current road trip without their injured center.
You know what, I bet that being really rich and 21 years old is pretty awesome. Someday, someday!
[Yardbarker via Sports by Brooks]
The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
The Slanch Report 
Recent Comments