With news of OJ Simpson’s sentencing today to a minimum of 9 years in prison, my most secret dream looks to be crushed. Now I don’t think that they’ll ever do another Naked Gun movie. Sigh.
Archive for December, 2008
05
Dec
08
A Dream Deferred
05
Dec
08
NYPD Inspires Lots of Confidence
Plaxico Burress has been all over the news cycle this week, as everyone wants to, deservedly, pile on him. Now the case is in the sure hands of the NYPD who have been on the case since the instant it happened. If by investigating and handling the situation I mean they only learned about it by seeing the story “scrolling along on ESPN.” That’s a bang-up job there Lou.
05
Dec
08
Baltimore is Getting Things Done
Baltimore Orioles fans haven’t had much to cheer about since, oh, 1996 or so, but if city councilman James Kraft gets his way the beginning of the games may feature a little extra spirit. That’s because he’s trying to repeal a city ordinance passed in 1916 wherein “The Star Spangled Banner” cannot be sung with any embellishments or altering. Anyone who violates this ordinance could face a $100 fine. It seems that Orioles fans want to have the option of being able to add their lusty “O” yell during the anthem. Considering that the anthem is probably the only moment for Orioles fans to cheer during the entire game, I am fully in favor of this measure.
Among the other outdated ordinances that Kraft is trying to eradicate is a measure passed in 1946 which makes it illegal to sell condoms to anyone under 16.
While I’m glad to see these idiotic ordinances removed from city law, I have to wonder if these are the most important issues in Baltimore these days. Based on my rabid viewing of The Wire, I would say no. According to that show there is a drug problem in Baltimore. Maybe the city council can pay attention to that sometime soon. I mean, I get that these issues are much MUCH more pressing but, you know, if there’s time…
05
Dec
08
This Has to Hurt SO Much
During last night’s Rutgers/Louisville game freshman Jourdan Brooks broke out a 62 yard run that featured a great mix of speed and power. The rush features Brooks dropping his shoulder and driving through the first level of defenders and then shedding tacklers as he powers down the line until Louisville’s Travis Norton manages to catch up and drag Brooks down. How did Norton manage to stop him? By taking him down by the dreadlocks, ripping one out of Brooks’ head in the process. Awesome.
From the Newark Star-Ledger:
“I’d have to say on a scale of one to 10, an eight. No, nine,” Brooks said describing the pain of having one of his dreadlocks pulled out. “It hurt pretty bad. I never felt any pain like that. But I’m alright.”
Brooks — who rushed for 126 yards on 11 carries and a touchdown — wasn’t upset about losing a strand of hair however. Nor did he say that the tackle will convince him to cut it. What he was most upset about was not getting into the endzone.
“I was upset that he tackled me,” Brooks said. “I wanted to score there.”
05
Dec
08
Roethlisberger is a “Girl”
The clearest example of the “success” of my fantasy football team can be seen by noticing that in a 2 QB league, I was left starting only one quarterback for multiple weeks. That QB? The lowest ranked field general in the NFL, one Matt Hasselback. Sigh.
So, if I actually cared about fantasy football I’d be really saddened by this, fortunately, I don’t! Thankfully I can instead pay attention to how Hasselback seems to be an actually cool dude, and one with a good sense of humor. Take this story out of Seattle about Hasselback spending the day with his new buddy, sixth grader Andy Co.
Hasselback started the day off by showing up at Co’s house in a limo, playing some Madden–Hasselback’s Seahawks lost there too, to the 49’ers no less–before going to Andy’s school and talking with the students there.
This was all arranged because Co won a contest sponsored by the NFL supporting their “Play 60” campaign to push kids to do 60 minutes of exercise a day.
The assembly was interrupted by a fire drill, but Hasselback took it all in stride and had a good time. During the Q+A a girl asked, “Do you think girls should be allowed to play in the NFL?”
“Girls can play in the NFL. Ben Roethlisberger plays for the Steelers, right?” Hasselbeck quipped, backtracking immediately saying “Joking. Totally joking. That was a joke.”
[King 5]
04
Dec
08
The New Giants Stadium is Neat
Because all the New York teams apparently need to open new stadiums in the next year, the Giants and Jets are nearing completion on their new home, right next to their old one at the Meadowlands. As anyone who has been to the awesome Meadowlands race track (home of the finest group of sketchy Thursday harness racing fans in America) can attest, the new stadium is massive. Don’t believe me? Need photographic proof?
Look at how big the new stadium is! The current stadium is massive and you could fit it easily in the new one it appears. It’s nice to see in comparison to the Mets and Yankees who are both reducing capacity. I’m just hoping that the Red Bulls are happy in their new digs.
During his 8 year career, Art Shamsky played for the Reds, Mets, Cubs and A’s, the back of his baseball card says that he throws left and hits left, according to his now ex-wife though, Shamsky is a switch-hitter. A lawsuit filed by Kim Shamsky, alleges that during their 13 year marriage Art was repeatedly unfaithful, engaging “in acts of adultery with both men and women.” The suit continues alleging that these adulterous affairs included “acts of ‘unprotected’ sexual and deviate sexual intercourse.”
I’m not sure what constitutes a deviation from sexual intercourse, does stopping to get a sandwich count? No? Phew. I’m good then. OK, back to Shamsky.
Kim also alleges that because of his infidelity she has tested positive for HPV, a sexually transmitted disease linked to cervical cancer and genital warts. To help her get over the pain of it all, she is suing the former first baseman/outfielder for $11 million in damages. Of course, Art’s lawyer believes this all to be a sham insisting that his client is free of sexual disease. “This is the act of a very angry ex-wife who has maligned him in the press. He will be vindicated in the courts.”
03
Dec
08
El Caballo Gets Locked Up!
Dustin Pedroia, the reigning MVP, (that sounds AWESOME to say) has, according to Peter Gammons, signed a 6 year, $40.5 million contract extension. Without full details on bonuses and such, the information isn’t complete, The full details are below the jump, it looks like the Sox made a great deal getting Pedroia for an AAV (annual average value) of 6.75 for the next 6 years. Sounds like a great bargain to me! Considering the production the team has received from Dustin already, including some nice hardware, (RoY, Silver Slugger, Gold Glove, MVP and that handsome World Series trophy last year) it looks like the Sox will be getting great value from this contract through the length of the deal. Can we just please please please make sure of two things, one, he never poses shirtless on the cover of SI, in fact, how about never posing on the cover, ever, and two, that the Orioles never ever EVER hit him on the wrist.
Sure, Dustin won’t ever hit 30 homers or drive in 140, but all the other things he does are so important, so valuable, that this contract will look like a bargain I believe by the time it is over.
Also, don’t be surprised when in the next 2-3 years despite being so young, Dustin gets awarded his own C to go on his uniform. Continue reading ‘El Caballo Gets Locked Up!’
03
Dec
08
Avery Gets Sloppy Suspension
Ok, I get just because I don’t think something is offensive that there are always people out there who will, and if your boss thinks it is offensive, well, you’re fucked. Look at the comments that Sean Avery made though, “I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”
These comments led to NHL commissioner Gary Bettman suspending Avery indefinitely. Although, indefinitely in NHL speak just means until he speaks with the commissioner and then gets a two or three game suspension. However, please tell me where the real problem with what he said is. He doesn’t mention any specific person by name, sure, he’s obviously alluding to Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter, but he never mentions them. For all we know he’s referring to some rando girls he nailed in NYC. Ok, so we obviously know it isn’t that, but, really, all he does is say he doesn’t like the guys in the league dating his exes. He says it in a douchebaggy manner, but then everything that Avery does is in such a manner.
So why the suspension, why is his owner saying he would have suspended Avery if Bettman didn’t? Nothing he said is so wrong. It’s dumb, it’s classless, I’ll even say mildly crass, but it ain’t offensive. Besides, if you are able to immediately know who he is referring to you have spent way too much time focusing on the love lives of celebrities. That said, Avery, you dated hot ass women, they are going to go on and date other men after you because that’s the way the world works. You can’t handle it, stop dating. Otherwise, you need to get over it. Elisha is from Canada, hence hockey players are hot to her, we all know that’s wrong, but hey, so it goes.
The fact that Avery is going to miss game time because of what are inherently innocuous comments is ridiculous and the NHL should be embarrassed. Unfortunately, now everyone is going to praise the NHL for being proactive or something. I say that because Avery didn’t do anything wrong, he didn’t slander anyone, he didn’t say anything racist or really offensive, he merely has issues with other guys dating his exes.
Obviously he isn’t over them, or comfortable with other people he knows dating them, that’s fine, I can understand that, and he happened to use the forum of reporters in front of his face to let them know he doesn’t care for it.
Sloppy seconds is a lame thing to say, but suspension worthy? If you were standing around your office and said that you wouldn’t be suspended, you wouldn’t be fired. I dunno. It just seems like bullshit to me. And don’t get me wrong, I hate Avery, I think he’s a scumbag, but it seems to me he’s being suspended for being a general scumbag as opposed to having actually done something wrong. If that’s the case, I’m actually OK with that, I just dislike the fake outrage about the “sloppy seconds.” What do y’all think?
02
Dec
08
Venezuelan Kidnappers Are Greedy
Henry Blanco, the backup catcher for the Chicago Cubs the last 4 years, had tragedy visited upon his family when the body of his brother was found yesterday in Venezuela. Carlos Simon Blanco Sanchez was kidnapped Sunday and was being held for a ransom of 200 million Venezeualan Bolivares, which comes out to approximately $93 million. I don’t know what they think backup catchers make down there in Venezuela, but according to baseball-reference, Blanco has for his entire 11 year career made about $12.5 million, so I don’t understand how they could expect him to come up with that sum.
Next time kidnappers, just make a quick stop over at baseball-reference. That’s baseball-reference.com for ALL your kidnapping ransom needs.
02
Dec
08
Do Not Mess With Brandon Jacobs
The New York Giants are nothing but targets right now it seems. Plax shoots himself, Steve Smith got robbed last week and so, intrepid reporters are talking to the rest of the Giants to see how the players handle their own security. Take Brandon Jacobs, the 6’4″, 264 lb behemoth who loves to run over linebackers and safeties who is worried about his own safety. “It’s tough out there for us and a lot of people don’t know that. It’s tough in everyday life for us to be targeted. Some people are very bothered by it. That’s why I stay home.”
However, don’t mess with Jacobs’ family or that brutal football stallion will come out on you.
“In the streets, with me, there’s no need for it,” Jacobs said. “But if you come between that door frame in my home, I’m going to kill you.”
Asked if he has a gun in his home, Jacobs said only, “Listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth.”
So, um, I’d say he’s got a bunch of guns. Big ones.
02
Dec
08
Rickey’s On His Way to the Hall
Rickey Henderson is on the Hall of Fame ballot for the first time and is an absolute lock on getting in, so in honor of him, I thought I’d present my three most favorite Rickey Henderson moments, trivia and minutia.
1) While in a contract dispute with the Oakland A’s regarding his $3 million salary, Rickey told reporters “they want to pay me like Mike Gallego, I’ll play LIKE Mike Gallego.”
2) For his entire career, before every game Rickey would stand naked in front of a mirror and say “Rickey’s the best,” multiple times.
3) The day after the Red Sox won the 2004 World Series with their awesome sweep of the Cardinals, Rickey called the Sox front office seeking tickets for game 6.
By the way, I can’t wait to see some bullshit BBWAA writer leave Rickey off his ballot because Ty Cobb wasn’t unanimous or some other lame ass reason. Then never reveal himself. I mean, is there any doubt that Rickey is a HoFer? After all, he was only the greatest lead-off hitter ever, the all-time leader in stolen bases (by 500!), the all-time leader in runs, 10th in runs created and 2nd in walks.
Rickey did it all. Now make Rickey a unanimous choice.
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