The Slanch Report

Ok, I get just because I don’t think something is offensive that there are always people out there who will, and if your boss thinks it is offensive, well, you’re fucked. Look at the comments that Sean Avery made though, “I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

These comments led to NHL commissioner Gary Bettman suspending Avery indefinitely. Although, indefinitely in NHL speak just means until he speaks with the commissioner and then gets a two or three game suspension. However, please tell me where the real problem with what he said is. He doesn’t mention any specific person by name, sure, he’s obviously alluding to Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter, but he never mentions them. For all we know he’s referring to some rando girls he nailed in NYC. Ok, so we obviously know it isn’t that, but, really, all he does is say he doesn’t like the guys in the league dating his exes. He says it in a douchebaggy manner, but then everything that Avery does is in such a manner.

So why the suspension, why is his owner saying he would have suspended Avery if Bettman didn’t? Nothing he said is so wrong. It’s dumb, it’s classless, I’ll even say mildly crass, but it ain’t offensive. Besides, if you are able to immediately know who he is referring to you have spent way too much time focusing on the love lives of celebrities. That said, Avery, you dated hot ass women, they are going to go on and date other men after you because that’s the way the world works. You can’t handle it, stop dating. Otherwise, you need to get over it. Elisha is from Canada, hence hockey players are hot to her, we all know that’s wrong, but hey, so it goes.

The fact that Avery is going to miss game time because of what are inherently innocuous comments is ridiculous and the NHL should be embarrassed. Unfortunately, now everyone is going to praise the NHL for being proactive or something. I say that because Avery didn’t do anything wrong, he didn’t slander anyone, he didn’t say anything racist or really offensive, he merely has issues with other guys dating his exes.
Obviously he isn’t over them, or comfortable with other people he knows dating them, that’s fine, I can understand that, and he happened to use the forum of reporters in front of his face to let them know he doesn’t care for it.

Sloppy seconds is a lame thing to say, but suspension worthy? If you were standing around your office and said that you wouldn’t be suspended, you wouldn’t be fired. I dunno. It just seems like bullshit to me. And don’t get me wrong, I hate Avery, I think he’s a scumbag, but it seems to me he’s being suspended for being a general scumbag as opposed to having actually done something wrong. If that’s the case, I’m actually OK with that, I just dislike the fake outrage about the “sloppy seconds.” What do y’all think?