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31
Jul
08

Freddie Prinz Jr. Finally Finds Work!

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Other Sports, Pop Culture and Random
Tags: , , ,

At long last the ultimate combination of sports and entertainment has merged, Freddie Prinz Jr. or Mr. Sarah Michelle Gellar has joined the WWE’s creative team. According to a statement from WWE, “Bringing on board an experienced Hollywood writer, actor and producer like Freddie Prinze, Jr. will only increase the level of entertainment to millions of viewers and passionate WWE fans every Monday on USA.” A quick look at his IMDB page shows that he is credited with writing 22 episodes of that hit show, Freddie, that no one ever watched. Oh, he also wrote one episode of Mutant X, now THOSE are writer credentials! It must be nice to be famous and the son of an even more famous person, because otherwise you might have to actually accomplish things on your own, instead everything is just handed to you.

“Freddie Prinze, Jr.’s passion, energy and creativity make him an excellent fit for WWE,” said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. McMahon then explained that Prinz’s work in the Julia Stiles vehicle Down to You really put him up over the top.

I’m really just amazed that Prinz was even available to be doing this, I mean, with the talent and range he showed in Summer Catch and She’s All That, I would have thought Hollywood to be CONSTANTLY beating down his door.

[Awful Announcing]

30
Jul
08

Righty Reliever Simply Not Deceptive Enough

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball, Douches and Random
Tags: , , , ,

Julio Mateo is best known for…well, actually, Julio Mateo isn’t really known for anything on the diamond. He’s a scrub reliever who spent a couple years with the Mariners, never particularly distinguishing himself. He had one semi-solid year in 2005 and otherwise there is nothing noteworthy about his playing career.

These days he’s pitching in the SF Giants’ minor league system and was arrested over the weekend for passing counterfeit $100 bills. Mateo, no stranger to the lawman was also once arrested in May 2007 in a Manhattan hotel after he he admitted to striking his wife and was charged with third-degree assault which then precipitated his release from the Mariners system.

Reportedly, Mateo and a teammate were in a taxi on their way back to their Albuquerque hotel when he used the fake $100 to pay the $26.80 cab fare. The driver then tried to use the bill to pay his dispatcher but  after using a marking pen, they found out it was fake and so he drove back to the team’s hotel and called the police.

When police approached Mateo in the hotel and started patting him down, he immediately told them in Spanish that he “didn’t pass the bad money.” Probably not the best thing to say when they haven’t even informed you yet why they are there; methinks it smacks a skosh of guilt.

Although certainly not as much as the two stacks of fake $100 bills in his hotel room on the table that the police found upon entering his room, that more screams guilt than smacks. Mateo was taken into custody by the Secret Service and is likely to be charged sometime in the next few days. The Giants have yet to take any action against him, but it seems probable that his attempts to get back to the majors will be on hold for the next 7-10…

30
Jul
08

Katy, Texas’ Summer of Fun!

By slanch 13 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Douches, Hazing and Random
Tags: , , , , ,

“When a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl’s head, that’s just disgusting,” so says the sister of one of the Morton Ranch High School junior varsity cheerleaders and I couldn’t agree more. That was only the beginning for 14 members of the high school varsity cheerleading team who have since been accused of hazing their JV cohorts.

Traditionally the varsity team kidnaps the JV team and then takes them out to breakfast, which doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me, in fact, it almost seems like fun! Instead, this year, the 12 varsity girls, the team’s equipment manager and of course, the school’s mascot decided to do it slightly different.

(First off, what the fuck does the cheerleading squad need with an equipment manager, are there other things besides pom-poms? Are the girls not able to keep an eye on them themselves? Also, was the mascot wearing the costume the whole time? These are important questions and I demand answers!)

In order to welcome the JV girls to the cheerleading sorority, the senior girls duct-taped the JV squads hands and then threw them into a pool. They reportedly also were “flicking [the JV girls’] body parts,” which I wonder if is anything like flicking the bean?

School officials responded right away saying “The district is investigating an alleged off-campus incident possibly involving inappropriate behavior by certain students.” Sounds like they’ve really got it taken care of!

photo_servletMorton Ranch High School is in the Houston suburb of Katy, Texas, normally famous for housing steroids using uber-douche Roger Clemens. I’m sure he must be relieved to not be the headline in the local paper for once. The school also just got out from a fun teacher-student sex scandal that came out last week.

Continue reading ‘Katy, Texas’ Summer of Fun!’

29
Jul
08

Nice Form on the Stiff-Arm Tackle Though…

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Awesome and Random
Tags: , , ,

Yesterday in NYC the annual bike event “Critical Mass” went off with very few hitches. Except for when they rode through Times Square and 22 year old NYPD member Patrick Pogan took umbrage and tackled rider Christopher Long for apparently no reason. To add insult, Pogan then arrested the rider for attempted assault in the third degree, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct; he has been since stripped of both his badge and gun.

28
Jul
08

Don’t Breathe too Deep

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Olympics and Random
Tags: , ,

With the Olympics just a few weeks away, the news out of Beijing has been constantly about the problems facing the host city. The internet isn’t working properly, restaurants have been informed not to serve black patrons and a multitude of other issues have surrounded the upcoming games. No single concern though has taken over as much as the amount of smog surrounding the city, some athletes are not going because they don’t want to run in such poor quality, the equestrian events are now in Hong Kong because of health concerns, and the Chinese are working frantically to clear the air before the games begin.

This is what it looks like outside the main stadium, not an especially appealing looking view. So using that standard Chinese government openness, they have taken some steps to fix the situation. For instance, the city isn’t ALL bad, that’s why they’ve been putting up color billboards all around town to add color to the otherwise gray and drab cityscape like this image below.

Wow! I feel totally transported out of a disgustingly polluted city, how magical! These Olympics are going to be a shitshow, get excited!

Check out this gallery for more of these bizarre billboard/city mashups go here.

28
Jul
08

Reds Make Important Deal for Their Future

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball and Random
Tags: , ,

Despite being 11.5 games out of the lead for the NL Central, the Cincinnati Reds don’t believe they’re out of it, so they swung a major deal over the weekend for both their present and their future. Of course, I’m referring to the news that is already everywhere across the nation, that everyone is talking about, the Reds have finally chosen their OFFICIAL and exclusive ketchup provider. Finally!

Our long national nightmare is finally over and we can get back to our regular, dull lives!

Red Gold Premium Ketchup are the lucky winners and will become the sole providers for the Reds at their 32 food stands. I’m just glad that this whole ordeal is at long last over and the Reds can get back to concentrating on the game. In fact, I’m almost certain that this long search has been the reason why the Reds are so far out of contention. Sure, critics might point to Dusty Baker and say that since he doesn’t understand how to properly manage a baseball team, or that he ignores statistics that would actually help his team because he’s “old-school” and that he’s out of touch with the current game, but to those people I say ketchup!

The Reds are primed to go on a Rockies-like streak and most likely win the World Series this year, solely propelled via the high quality Red Gold PREMIUM Ketchup.

28
Jul
08

Always Bet on Green 420

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome and Random
Tags: , , ,

I’ve always wanted to go to a casino and put something like my watch down as my bet, instead of cash, I just think that’s a totally classy, superstar kinda move. The guy in this video below clearly has similar style dreams. He sits down at the table and takes out his currency to bet with to the surprise of the dealer and other players at the table; I guess they’re not used to people betting with an ounce of weed…

At first he decides to place it all on the hand, but then realizes that that’s CRAZY, so he only puts down like an eighths worth, which as we all know is a much safer, albeit conservative bet. When the cops come for the guy he seems totally shocked that they would be busting him about this, like this was a totally standard way to bet and the cops were being crazy.

I particularly enjoy the newscasters talking about how the security guys have trouble scraping the loose weed off the table because it is “so sticky,” and that the guy thought all this was fine because he has a weed card that he ordered on the internet. Good call dude! However, the anchor’s “five card bud” joke was nothing but a dud, even for local news that was terrible.

[Cake Rocks the Party]

22
Jul
08

Steelers Super Bowl Rings Erroneously Engraved

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Football and Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

Say you’re a member of the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers, you work hard all season long and you get rewarded with the greatest present possible, a Super Bowl victory. The next year you’re given a ring to commemorate your team’s accomplishment, on the side of the ring are included the scores of the playoff games your team won.

Now, don’t you think you might at some point between say, 1976 and oh, 2008, you might look at that ring. I know if I won a championship, I’d treasure that ring and probably memorize every detail of it. You’d think that any of the numerous players, front office and other staffers who received rings would have thought, “Hey, remember when we played the Bills for the AFC Championship and we won, 32-14? Why does our ring say the score was 32-6?”

A Pittsburgh front office employee recently passed away and his personal items were up for sale in an estate auction, included among the items were his two rings from 1975 and the 1976 Super Bowl championships. After a story about the auction appeared in the paper, an eagle-eyed fan noticed that the score was incorrect on the ring.

Continue reading ‘Steelers Super Bowl Rings Erroneously Engraved’

21
Jul
08

Because Here’s a Couple That Makes Sense

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Random
Tags: ,

I seem to be coming onto several amusing pictures today, like for instance, this one of President Bush and softball luminary Jenny Finch. Look at that smile he’s flashing her, he’s totally down. I also wonder if Jenny Finch regrets marrying failed D-Backs pitcher Casey Daigle; she should have waited until she saw how he did at the major league level…Anyway, come up with your own captions for this and post them in the comments below.

Bush huh? Shame "Landing Strip" didn't fit, hehehehe

21
Jul
08

He Shoots He Scores!

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Random

Here’s a video of a semi-amazing air hockey shot, I’m putting it up while trying to recover from enjoying myself so much from watching the ESPY’s*!

*Don’t worry, I was just kidding, I could never force myself through that shlock.

21
Jul
08

Tandem Biking Means You’ve Got At Least 1 Friend

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Basketball and Random
Tags: , , ,

I’m so very confused.

Saw this photo over at Barstool Sports, I’m still totally unsure as to why basketball All Stars Steve Nash and Baron Davis are riding a tandem bike around Santa Monica dressed like giant nerds, but hey, why not!

Feel free to come up with some good captions or explanations for whatever the hell is going on here.

nashdavis

[Bar Stool Sports]

21
Jul
08

Everybody Get Your Nipples Oiled and Ready!

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Pop Culture, Random and Television
Tags: , , , ,

In an extremely rare moment of government, the right thing was actually done earlier today. A federal appears court in Philadelphia today threw out the $550,000 indecency fine that the FCC leveled against CBS from the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.

For once, reason and common sense came out, I for one am shocked, I’m worried this might be a sign of the coming apocalypse. The three-judge panel determined that the FCC “acted arbitrarily and capriciously” for issuing a fine for the brief image of Janet Jackson’s nipple ring.

The ruling found that the FCC abandoned its 30-year practice of fining broadcasters only when it was “pervasive as to amount to ‘shock treatment’ for the audience. Like any agency, the FCC may change its policies without judicial second-guessing. But it cannot change a well-established course of action without supplying notice of and a reasoned explanation for its policy departure.”

This means that the Republican FCC can no longer capriciously decide for the rest of America when something is offensive. The ruling shows that the government overreacted, of course, since the networks got so scared by the fine in the first place, it is probably already too late, the damage has been done. Now there is no such thing as live television anymore, with everything on a delay just in case a scary stray nipple makes an appearance. So it goes I suppose, but at least the right thing was done today, I guess after 7.5 years the government had to do SOMETHING right, I mean, sheer probability would dictate that…

Stick around after the jump for the NSFW image that launched the hooplah in the first place. Continue reading ‘Everybody Get Your Nipples Oiled and Ready!’

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