Archive for the 'Football' Category



30
Nov
09

Indiana’s Governor Fancies Himself a Comedian

Joe McConnell, the retiring play-by-play man for Purdue was awarded the Sagamore of Wabash by Indiana governor Mitch Daniels, which is the highest honor the Indiana governor can give to someone. During the ceremony Daniels paid his respects to McConnell saying that “I’ve always thought he had one of the great voices anywhere in sports.”

Then, Daniels (left) told the assembled audience that in fact he wanted to give out TWO of the award. “Because it’s for wisdom and judgment and benefits to the state of Indiana, I did give one to (New England Patriots coach) Bill Belichick,” referring of course to the failed 4th and 2 play that lost the Patriots/Colts game for New England.

Wop Wop Wah.

Stick to governing.

[Indy Star]

27
Nov
09

Josh McDaniels Really Wants to Win the Matriach-Fornicating Game

I’m consistently shocked by awfulness of the NFL Network’s game broadcasts, they’re simply incredibly bad, I feel like I’m watching high school football half the time. Unlike MLB network whose game coverage is at least as good as the main networks, it’s as though the NFL has no desire to put any solid efforts into their productions or in making THEIR product look good.

The latest example was in their Thanksgiving Day broadcast of the Broncos/Giants game, theoretically one of the most-watched games of the year on the nascent network, it being a major holiday that for many families is centered AROUND FOOTBALL. After coming back from a commercial break they had a highlight package lined up featuring Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels talking to his offense who had just failed to capitalize on a 1st and goal situation. You’d think, it having been edited and reeled up they would have noticed that in the first THREE SECONDS he drops a “motherfucker.” Of course, they DON’T notice it, and it goes out on the air, they didn’t even ACKNOWLEDGE it until after the NEXT commercial break, several minutes later. That’s some fine TV production there boys.

When he was asked after the game how he felt about his swearing going out on the NFL network, Josh McDaniels, who clearly knows how woeful the NFL network is, looked completely unsurprised and merely said, “It’s the NFL Network, It doesn’t surprise me.

25
Nov
09

Beckham Vs. Bush, Who Ya Got?

As part of a documentary entitled “David Beckham: New Beginnings” from when David Beckham made his MLS debut, Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints got together with the futbol star. While this isn’t new, it’s from 2007, it’s still pretty amusing and pretty awesome. For one thing, I’ve never seen anyone juggle a football like Beckham can. And who knew Reggie Bush has a future career in placekicking!

[Liebtag.org]

25
Nov
09

Now THIS is a Punt Return

Kenneth Acker is a high schooler playing for Grant High School in Oregon and man, does this guy have some moves on this punt return. Sure, it’s a short field, with the punt only going like 35 yards, but considering that he goes back and forth the width of the field I’ll give him extra credit.

Also, to that dude who made the CRUSHING block at the 17 second mark, excellent block, however, keep the muscle poses and self-adulation until AFTER the play is over; your teammate is still running out there for his life and you’re preening to the teenage coeds…

 

25
Nov
09

Detroit Beats Green Bay in Popularity Contest

A poll of NFL players conducted by Sports Illustrated asked which NFL team they’d least like to play for; incredibly, despite the fact that the Lions have lost 33 of their last 42 games they weren’t the least popular team.

From the 296 players asked, more players would rather ply their trade for the Lions than for Green Bay, an actual winning franchise. In no big surprise, the largest percentage (20%) responded that they would least like playing for the Oakland Raiders, followed by Buffalo at 14%, Green Bay at 13%, Detroit with 12% and Cleveland, as ever, bringing up the rear with 7%.

I can see not wanting to play for the shitacular franchises, that’s clear to me, but not wanting to play in Green Bay? Is Wisconsin THAT bad… hmm. Now that I think about it… Even still, since when is DETROIT better than Green Bay in anything?

[Detroit Free-Press]

24
Nov
09

Hard Hits Out on the Pee Wee Football Field

I have no issue saying that I find this Pee-wee football clip to be about 9,000 times more interesting than ANY college football game. I think it’s fair to say that Nyrel Sevillla is my new favorite football player (under 9-years-old division.)

24
Nov
09

House Calls Out the Mike Tomlin Resemblance

My second favorite actor to play Willie Mays Hays, Omar Epps, has forged a lucrative acting career for himself, with his work on Fox’ hit House really taking off. It has long been noticed that Epps and Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin share quite the resemblance. They’re such obvious doppelgangers that I don’t even have them on my list, it’d be like putting identical twins up there. This week on House, the eponymous character even brought it up.

Awesome.

[With Leather]

24
Nov
09

Gophers Are Dangerous When Cornered

During the halftime of Sunday’s Vikings/Seahawks game there apparently was a fun bit of play with some college mascots taking on some pee-wee football players. Showing that mascots are all class, the Minnesota Golden Gopher stiff-arms, trucks and just runs roughshod over the youths.

23
Nov
09

Ochocinco Wants to Cover Up the Johnson

Chad Ochocinco (né Johnson) is an endless publicity whore, but when, in seeking said publicity he’s hilarious, I have no problem showcasing him. If you watched this season of HBO’s Hard Knocks, you probably remember Ochocinco talking about how he was going to be coming out with his own brand of condoms.

Well, via his endlessly amusing Twitter page, Chad showed off what the packaging could look like. While I don’t know that I’d ever trust these, they certainly are more reliable than the David Beckham knock-offs that were found in China.

I don’t know for what, but I’m sure the NFL will find some way to fine Ochocinco over these.

[Ochocinco]

23
Nov
09

Devin Hester Shows Off a New Moon

(click the image if you’re anxious to see Hester’s butt in it’s full glory)

With just over a minute remaining in Eagles/Bears game Sunday, Bears QB Jay Cutler reached back and fired off a pass to Devin Hester in an effort to gain the crucial first down. The defense was all over Hester and he wasn’t able to corral the ball.

As a personal homage to the success of Twilight’s New Moon domination of the box office, Hester opted to show America the full moon.

23
Nov
09

America’s Team Doesn’t Show the American Flag

There’s quite a controversy brewing down in Dallas over the Cowboys’ new stadium; while it features all the high-tech amenities fans could want, the lack of a flagpole apparently is rankling some folks.

According to team owner Jerry Jones, “Our stadium is so huge that you really have quite a challenge of displaying it so that everyone can see it,” he said. “So the place to see it the most clear is in the middle of the event [level].”

“The policy really is that the people that are in charge of the event make those arrangements relative to our anthem and recognition of the flag,” he continued.

It being Texas, many people believe that the only way you can show yourself to be patriotic is to have the flag displayed at all times, otherwise, you’re probably an unAmerican godless heathen.

Billy Joe Gabriel was appalled at the stadium’s lack of a flag, “I just always assumed there was a flag everywhere I went,” he said about sports arenas. “Now, I’ll be looking.”

After all, how would anyone watching the game on television know the game was being played in America, with the widespread popularity of football with thousands of professional teams playing all over the world — oh wait…

Jones also mentioned that the team hasn’t found an appropriate place to put the team’s 5 Super Bowl banners, but there hasn’t been any outcry over that.

In fact, there are very few permanent signs in place at the new stadium, nearly everything is presented on digital screens, allowing for versatility and easy changes.

“We have the ability to put things in and around that stadium that is a hundred times what we had at Texas Stadium,” Jones said. “But you do it digitally. We may very well have [the Super Bowl banners] on the digital boards before we’re through.”

Honestly, who gives a shit. So there’s no flag, if you came to a giant football stadium to stare at a flag you’re a giant asshole. It’s embarrassing enough that the only time people hear the National Anthem or think about it is at a sports game that has ZERO to do with America or Americans. Go to the game, watch the players and then leave, it’s sports, they serve as escapes, so please let the rest of us escape and keep your simple-minded protests regarding flag placement in your minute-sized brains.

[Dallas News]

23
Nov
09

Wood’s Bones Snap Like, Well, Wood

Eric Wood was starting at right guard for the Buffalo Bills on Sunday, he’s been one of their better linemen all season, his season though is over after suffering a BRUTAL ankle injury. If you like to see sickening injuries, then click this video, if not, I’m sure cuteoverload has some new photos up or something…




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 20 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

March 2026
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  

Categories