Archive for October, 2008

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22
Oct
08

Swedish Hockey Is Titillating

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Hockey
Tags: , , , , , ,

In another example why Europe is much more fun than America is this story from Sweden. Jan Huokko formerly played for the hockey team AIK but now plays for Leksand hockey club in Sweden’s second-tier professional hockey league. To welcome him back, members of an unofficial fan group urged fans to celebrate Huokko by bringing dildos to the game to throw on the ice. Huokko it seems made headlines when he lost his cellphone and when it was found a sex tape of the stocky defenseman and his ladyfriend was on it and released to the interwebs.

“It was a private thing between me and my girl,” Huokko said at the time. “That’s what people do when it comes to sex.”

Before the game even started fans had thrown multiple dildos onto the ice, causing a delay as the ice crew cleaned them up. Fans also brought a giant sign saying “Bend Over Bitch” which I assume was something Huokko said during the tape.

Leksand ended up losing the game 3-2 and the vulgar chants against Huokko continued throughout. In a prime example of allowing the inmates to run the asylum AIK officials were aware of the planned dildo showers but decided not to act. “We’d also heard mention of it, but we decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice,” said AIK club head Mats Hedenström.

This would NEVER be allowed to happen at a US hockey game, and if it did they’d probably have to call in trauma specialists to help the parents of the children at the game who had been so traumatized. For Huokko, it was just another day at the office, “it was just a regular hockey game. It was no problem,” he said following the match. “I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”

22
Oct
08

When A Win Isn’t A Win

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Other Sports and Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

Sports can often be subjective, did that receiver push off and interfere with the cornerback, or was the cornerback the interferer? Was that a strike or just off the corner? Was the defender’s feet still moving or did they get the charge? That’s why running is such a nice break sometimes. Races aren’t subjective; there’s a line, people cross it, first one across wins. Not too complicated. So it was with great surprise that I read this story from San Francisco about the Nike Women’s Marathon where NYC school teacher Arien O’Connell ran the fastest time but didn’t win the race. That’s because O’Connell wasn’t registered in the “elite” group of runners who received a 20 minute head start to avoid the jostling of the amateurs.

Meanwhile, the 5th grade teacher, who had never broken 3 hours in 7 previous marathons ran her heart out and finished in 2:55:11. However, when the awards were announced for the winners O’Connell was not among them. “They called out the third-place time and I thought, ‘I was faster than that,’ ” she said. “Then they called out the second-place time and I was faster than that. And then they called out the first-place time (3:06), and I said, ‘Heck, I’m faster than her first-place time, too.’ ”

So O’Connell went over to the scorer’s and asked to see her time, and again, she was faster by nearly 11 minutes. “They were just flabbergasted,” O’Connell said. “I don’t think it ever crossed their minds.”

Nike, the company whose name implies victory and whose slogan is “Just Do It” did the opposite. “At this point,” Nike media relations manager Tanya Lopez said Monday, “we’ve declared our winner.” Continue reading ‘When A Win Isn’t A Win’

22
Oct
08

A Marshmellowy Doppelganger

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball and Doppelgangers
Tags: , , , ,

As the Rays prepare for their first World Series win tonight, senior advisor Don Zimmer has been hanging around the team, throwing batting practice and just being a part of the scene, helping the players adjust to the momentous occasion. Having been a part of 6 World Champions already, Zim is anxious to get that 7th ring. In 1984 Dan Ackroyd and Harold Ramis changed the world forever with the movie Ghostbusters. I don’t think I’m revealing any spoilers by saying that at the end of the movie a giant Stay Puft Marshmellow Man attacks the city until the Ghostbusters are able to foil him and save the day. As ever, check out the rest of our doppelgangers here, and please vote in the poll below.

zimmermanstaypuft

21
Oct
08

Strange Partnerships These Days

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Football and Random
Tags: , , , , ,

FINALLY! The sports partnership we’ve all been waiting on finally has happened. The New York Giants have joined forces with Tiffany’s to offer a range of items as the “New York Giants Super Bowl XLII Collection.” The collection includes:

  • Pendant with blue accent on an 18-inch chain: plated $75, sterling silver $225 or 14k white gold $1,350.
  • Round tag bracelet in sterling silver, $225.
  • Round cuff links in sterling silver, $200.
  • Helmet paperweight in crystal, $175.
  • Football paperweight in crystal, $100.
  • Beer mugs in crystal, set of two, $100.
  • Sterling silver “Return to Tiffany™” round tag pendant on an 18-inch chain, $110.
  • I.D. tag pendant in sterling silver with a coin edge on a 20-inch beaded chain, $275.
  • Set of two crystal tumblers, $60.

Sounds like a MUST-OWN for all true Giants fans. What big blue fan wouldn’t be desperate for a crystal Giants helmet paperweight right?

(Not pictured, the Angel of Death waiting just off frame)

Of course, this isn’t the only strange sports partnership announced in the last few days. The New York Yankees and the Dallas Cowboys, with a side order of Goldman Sachs have announced a partnership to create a new stadium concessions company, Legends Hospitality Management.

The company’s focus will “be on operating catering, concessions, retail merchandising and other facility management enterprises for major sports and entertainment facilities. Legends has been granted the exclusive right to operate concessions, catering and merchandising services at the new, state-of-the-art Yankees and Cowboys stadiums on a multi-year basis. Legends intends to expand beyond these anchor teams to provide its services to professional and college sports teams and other event facilities worldwide.”

This picture below of Jerry Jones and George Steinbrenner shaking hands might be the most disturbing photo in the last decade. I’m almost positive this is a sign of impending apocalypse.

20
Oct
08

Another Goalie Goal

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Soccer
Tags: , ,

Danny Cepero is brand new to MLS, making his debut with the NY/NJ Red Bulls in goal on Saturday. And he faced quite the challenge, with the highest scoring team in the league opposing him in the Columbus Crew. For the 23 year old from Long Island, his debut will be forever burned in his memory. That’s because, en route to a 3-1 victory Cepero made MLS history. Thrust into a starting position after starting goalie Jon Conway was suspended for 10 games for using performance enhancing drugs, Cepero struck a penalty kick 81 yards to score, becoming the first MLS goalkeeper to score a goal. Awesome.

Vodpod videos no longer available.
20
Oct
08

So, Does the Ref Get a Bud Lite Now?

By slanch 5 Comments
Categories: Awesome and Football
Tags: , , , ,

I’d have watched the LSU/South Carolina game this weekend, but college sports are fucking stupid, so, you know, I didn’t. However, by missing the game I missed this tackle of SC QB Stephen Garcia by one of the game’s refs. It’s about time the zebras started fighting back.

[Fan IQ]

20
Oct
08

Tampa Honors Mike Alstott Through Typos

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Football
Tags: , , , ,

While smart people were paying attention to the Red Sox/Rays battle, Tampa fans were split, with the Buccaneers playing on SNF last evening. During halftime, the Buccos retired former fullback Mike Alstott’s jersey, a truly classy gesture to a gentleman who, by all accounts is a very classy man. To show their love and appreciation for all of Alstott’s years in service to the Bucs, to show their respect for all the times he played hurt, to honor his many rumbling touchdowns the Bucs presented him with two of his uniforms framed. Maybe someone should have spell-checked them before they went under the glass though…

Very classy Tampa.

UPDATE:

According to the Orlando Sentinel, the Buccaneers PURPOSELY misspelled Alstott’s name because

In Alstott’s first season, 1996, his jersey had his name misspelled for each of his first two games before the error was finally corrected. So, in commemorating the past, the Bucs decided to dot all the “i’s” but leave off one “t.”

Ok, so it’s not a COMPLETE screwup, instead, the Bucs are honoring how their team has HISTORICALLY screwed things up and want to commemorate THAT. It’s amusing but doesn’t inspire much past or future confidence in the team.

20
Oct
08

And Thus It Comes to an End

By slanch 16 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Boston
Tags: , , , , , ,

This loss hurts, but not as bad as 2003, or even 2005. Was I fully confident that the Sox would come back and win that game? Yes. One hundred percent yes, Today, I’m left with the AL champion Rays, from TAMPA, not one more Boston run to the championship. So it goes. When it came down to it, the Red Sox’ strength simply wasn’t there in this series. The pitching rotation carried this team, and in games 2-5 the rotation couldn’t keep up with the young power bats. When the Red Sox came to the postseason in years past, the middle of the batting order was fearsome, this year we were declawed. David ORTiz looked woeful and while Drew, Youk and Bay all were solid in the ALCS, none of them stepped up in the way that the Sox needed, like Lowell or Ramirez did last year. The Red Sox entered the ALCS with their number 3 hitter struggling, and without the #4 and 5 hitters from last year’s team, who combined last year for 18 RBIs. That loss of offense wasn’t replaced by the rest of the guys in the lineup.

Does that mean this season was a disappointment? Well, I’m disappointed but the Rays were the better team. They showed it during the season. They showed it in this series. That the Red Sox came back and made this a series after being down 3-1 and forcing a game 7 is testament to their team unity but it was clear that the Rays were better in all aspects besides the bullpen. When Andy Sonnastine is dealing you know that you’re season is probably going to be over. Continue reading ‘And Thus It Comes to an End’

19
Oct
08

Let’s Go Sox!

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball and Boston
Tags: , ,

9-1 in playoff elimination games, 9-0 in ALCS playoff elimination games. Best Red Sox manager ever…YES!

LET’S
GO
SOX!

18
Oct
08

TBS NOT VERY FUNNY

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball, Douches and Television
Tags: ,

WHAT THE FUCK TBS! So glad you bid to get the playoffs on your podunky shit-ass channel. This is the biggest crock of shit ever. Because baseball fans would much prefer to catch up on Steve Harvey episodes that they probably missed.

FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

17
Oct
08

Who Says Buffalo Doesn’t Have Style

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Football, Random and Television
Tags: ,

I can’t believe that the Buffalo Bills have been having a hard time financially, with high budget sponsors like this, there is no reason why they should even need to consider games in Toronto. Here is Bills cornerback Leodis McKelvin doing a local ad for a sports memorabilia store and the production values alone should be marveled at. I’m fairly certain McKelvin received in the high 7 figures for this ad.

I really REALLY appreciate the t-shirts with each man’s name on it, otherwise I’d be totally bewildered as to which one was Dave and which Adam. Thanks guys!

17
Oct
08

Nude Tennis Lessons Anyone?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Random and Tennis
Tags: , , , ,

Over the weekend Andy Roddick stepped up and showed just how much he cares about doing charity work. The recently engaged Roddick, (to model Brooklyn Decker, yowzers!) was at Elton John’s Advanta World Team Tennis Smash Hits event to help benefit AIDS research and initially offered a private tennis lesson for the event’s auction. In order to help spark even more bidding, Andy offered to do the coaching shirtless, which as we know is his preferred outfit. Then, to make it all the more interesting Roddick offered to do the lesson completely nude. The bidding went to $15,000.

Who knew Roddick’s raw dick was so valuable.

Lisa Guerrero, who blogged about the event initally poses the most important question, “Wonder what Anna Kournikova could’ve gotten for the same offer?”

[Lisa Guerrero via The Big Lead]

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