Archive for January 26th, 2009


Rangers’ New Helmets Make Me Want to Barf

The Texas Rangers, unable to compete in actual baseball are trying to grab attention by changing their uniform colors once more. In addition to reverting BACK to blue uniforms, after previously red ones, and blue ones before that, the team has changed its batting helmets.

The new design is awful, it’s a two-tone helmet with a red metallic stripe along the top and the whole concept is simply terrible. Thankfully, the helmet will be worn with both home AND away uniforms so whenever the Rangers come to your town you’ll have the chance to see these awful pieces of crap. The choice of a metallic red is simply inexcusably bad, I have to hope that everyone involved in this debacle was fired immediately.

[Uni Watch]



A Goalie You Want to Score WITH

tara_wheeler_lshhThe Miss America pageant must have fallen on hard times, it was on this weekend, not that anyone would notice since it was only broadcast on TLC. Among the women competing was Tara Wheeler, 24, Miss Virginia, who did not place particularly well in the overall event but, as the girl’s all kept saying throughout the broadcast, “We’re all winners!” So she has that going for her.

Among the other things Wheeler has going is that she is a pretty damned good hockey goalie, formerly playing for the Penn State women’s hockey team. She hasn’t had time since becoming Miss Virginia to get back on the ice full-time, but she has taken part in some charity shoot-off events, including one with the Washington Capitals. Thanks to the charity events, there is this hilarious quote, which taken out of context makes me laugh very much.

The guys at Virginia Tech, they went all-out on me and that was a lot of fun. But I see that I put these guys in a really rough spot because if they try to score on me, then it looks like they’re trying to get less money raised for charity and they don’t to be the jerk that hurts Miss Virginia. But if they try really hard to score on me and I block it, then they’re going to be embarrassed. But they’ve all been really excited to get on the ice with me…

Sounds hot!

[Fox Sports]



Well That’s Just Cool

Up in Old Quebec City, Canada, Red Bull, masters of the strange sporting events are holding the 2009 Crashed Ice event. The sport, essentially motocross down a BMX-y luge course wearing hockey gear looks like it is awesome to watch. It’s probably pretty fun to do too I suppose, although it looks like you’re constantly about a millisecond away from falling and having 4 guys ride over your neck with razor sharp skates which seems less fun.

That said, who wants to make up a team for next year? I’m ready to DOMINATE!


Tommy Was A Great Man…Wait, He’s Not Dead?

PD*26437929In a touching moment, 2,000 fans of the Bishop Auckland soccer team stood for a moment of silence in memory of Tommy Farrer, who played for the club from 1945-1953. There was just one small issue with the moment, Farrer isn’t dead!

As the fans stood heads bowed, Tommy Farrer, 86, was at his home, 300 miles away alive and well. The team also placed a tribute to Farrer in the local Bishop Auckland paper as well as mentioning it in their Wednesday program, saying “We have just learned of the death of Two Blues legend Tommy Farrer. Our thoughts go to his family and friends.”

The team only found out that their mistake, after they had paid their respects en masse, when the team president called Farrer’s wife, Gladys, to express his condolences. The very surprised Mrs. Farrer told the club’s president he could pass on his comments to her husband himself, adding: “He will be back in a minute. He’s only popped out to get a paper.”

Tommy Farrer who was a bit bemused by the whole affair had this to say, “I feel sorry for the fans who stood freezing in the stadium. My wife and I go for a half hour walk every day and are still fit and well.”

“I’m very moved that they went to such trouble for me, I played for them a very long time ago.

“Whoever it was who told people I had died obviously contacted the local football ground and they decided to go the whole hog by arranging the silence.

“We are not upset, but we did think it was a bit of a joke at first.”

[The Telegraph]


Teenage Goalie Makes Camo Pads

539wTrevor Leahy, a high school senior at the Pingree School in Massachusetts found himself thinking about hockey while he was in class, and soon the thoughts overtook him. Using the skills he learned in a graphic design class, he developed a special design for his goalie pads as the season approached.

Instead of wearing dark blue pads on his legs, thus giving the shooters a contrast to the net to avoid aiming at, Leahy opted for a more sensible approach; he designed his pads to look like the net.

“When the shooter comes down and only has a split second to shoot the puck, they’re looking for net,” said Leahy, “If you put the net on the pad, they’ll shoot at the pad instead of the goal.”

Amazingly, no one has thought to do this yet. When Leahy ordered the customized pads from a pad maker in Ontario, Canada the owner, Darren Stomp was surprised. “It might be the most clever idea,” Stomp said. “I don’t think there’s any question it will work, although to what degree depends on the shooter and the situation.”

As of yet, it’s working pretty darn well, with 2 shutouts. Pingree players say that in practice it has also been difficult to score on Leahy, “When you’re in close and you don’t have a lot of time to think, it does catch your eye, and you do shoot toward it sometimes,” said teammate Matt MacDonald.

Then again, in a recent game against another prep school, the opposing players said the design had no effect, although they did lose 4-3 in overtime.

Leahy, who has applied for a design patent has also used the pads to help himself off the ice too. Writing about the process of development and design as part of his essay for entrance to college, (comparing his idea with Darwinian evolution and animal camouflage) helped get him in, early admission, to the University of New Hampshire.

While Leahy likely won’t make the NHL, he’s hoping that perhaps his pads might, “It would definitely be cool to get it out there and get other guys in the future wearing it,” he said.

All in all, pretty cool, especially from a 17-18 year old kid. However, I will say, Pingree was one of our rivals in high school and I totally dominated them once in tennis. Because you know, I’m a REAL athlete, unlike this bullshit “hockey” sport…

[Boston Globe]


Flipping Out at the X Games

The Winter X Games are on right now, although I had no idea. I’m actually glad though because it means I haven’t been barraged with endless cross-promotion from ABC/ESPN/Disney, so there’s that. Anyhoo, at the games, during the snowmobile speed and style event, Levi Lavallee made “history” when he did the first ever double backflip on a snowmobile in competition. While he nails the stunt in the air, he lands really hard and isn’t able to hang on, but still, it’s pretty damned impressive, if redneck-y.

After the jump is a video ESPN made hyping up the trick beforehand which is moderately interesting. The part that grabbed me was that he has a fire truck crane available to lift his snowmobile out of a foam pit after each practice jump and that the foam pit has a RETRACTABLE ROOF. That’s NUTS!

Continue reading ‘Flipping Out at the X Games’


Canseco Can’t Beat up Bonaduce

6c3e04dd085c4153a15ebda02d133dffSaturday night featured one of the boxing events of the century, although, based on media coverage no one noticed. In a 3-round match in suburban Philadelpha, Jose Canseco fought former Partridge Family member Danny Bonaduce to a draw.

Bonaduce for one, thinks the outcome was a crock. “There’s no reason I should have done this well,” said Bonaduce, his nose bloodied. “Part of me says there’s a decent man right there that didn’t want to kill the little guy. I feel weird that we tied.”

Since we know that simply can’t be the case, let’s just assume that Canseco’s body is a giant marshmallow. “For a guy my size to hit him like that and he didn’t go down, wow,” Canseco said. “If he were my size, he probably would have knocked me out of the ring.” However, the crowd of 1,500 were none too impressed by what was supposed to be the big draw with many filing out before the judges even announced their decision.

The pre-match antics probably featured more excitement than the actual match, with Bonaduce coming out with 3 championship belts, which he bought himself, and Canseco coming out with an electronic cigarette and being introduced hilairously as the “greatest pure athlete to ever play the game of baseball.”

Then unfortunately, the match had to actually start. Fortunately neither boxer was drug-tested so at least they were able to stand up reasonably straight. “It’s a trainwreck,” said fan Butch Tressel. “Everyone likes to see a ridiculous trainwreck from time to time.”

Ultimately, after the 3 1-minute rounds, because apparently both men are giant candy-asses, the bout was over, one judge scored it 2-1 for Canseco while the other two judges ruled it 1-1 each with 1 round a draw. Don’t worry though, both men are attention-whores, and both men need the money so this probably won’t be the last time we’ll see such gladiators battling one another. After the match, promoter Damon Feldman had this to say, with a smile, “We’re going to do the rematch,” he said. “L.A. Soon.”

Stick around after the jump for photos from the event and Canseco doing his best impression of the Juggernaut. Also, when did he get all those crazy tattoos? I had no idea he had a full suit, that’s crazy! Also, to whet your appetite for the rest of the photos, here is Danny Bonaduce, true athlete, warming up just prior to the match.

[NBC Sports]

Canseco Boxes Boxing
Continue reading ‘Canseco Can’t Beat up Bonaduce’


Pedroia Pedophilia

Dustin Pedroia ‘s older brother Brett, 30, was taken into custody on January 9th after being charged with two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under the age of 14. Yikes!

The alleged events happened nearly 4 years ago, the purported victim only recently telling one of his parents. Pedroia was released on $50,000 bail and has been back at work at the family’s tire store since being in custody. The news has apparently shocked many neighbors, most of whom were reserving judgment for the moment. “I do find it very, very hard to believe,” next-door neighbor Kay Beruny said. “They’re wonderful people, and we’re very shocked and surprised, and can’t believe it.” Of course, that is the response whenever a similar type story comes out so take that for what it’s worth…

KCRA, a local station in the Woodlands, CA area reported on the story and has video of it here, unfortunately, I can’t embed it, but I recommend checking it out for some of the best local news “It’s just shocking”-type interviews with neighbors who are surprised but have nothing useful to say.

pedpedoThis isn’t really news, and normally no one would pay attention, but since it’s Pedroia’s brother, here we are, it’s a shame had Brett’s little bro not been so good at baseball the stories would have just read, “Local Tire Store Man Accused of Child Molestation.” Then of course, there is this image (left) that I’m sure both Pedroia’s and the Red Sox front office will be excited to have linked to this story. Rats!


Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other followers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

January 2009