14
Aug
08

We Don’t Swim in Your Toilet…


Edna Jamanski is a top-line US synchronized swimmer, she started at age 15 and almost immediately became one of the top US athletes in the sport. So, when the Olympic trials were held in February it was widely assumed that she was an easy pick for the team.

“The girls were going through their routine, Chopin’s Ocean Etude Opus 25 No. 12 struggling to rise above the cheering crowd, when all of a sudden the pool started turning a bright, bright red,” Susan Jackson, Jamanski’s mentor said. “I know it’s crazy, but my first thought was Shark attack! How can we work it into the routine? But nope, it was just Edna, executing a flawless spin and pissing in the pool.”

An anti-corrosive, diethyl-ethanolamine, was blamed for the marking effect and, while peeing in the pool does not preclude one necessarily from being on the team, it was apparently enough for the selection committee to opt for someone else to place on the team.

“It was horrible. Everyone started calling me Redna, and no one wanted to swim with me,” Jamanski says. “I eventually had to quit. People can be so cruel, but I’m moving on.”

Now the teenager, who suffers from a hereditary incontinence issue is currently serving as a guest lecturer for the urinary incontinence group Go-Anon, and wants to someday return to the water with her own aquatic version of The Vagina Monologues which sounds like absolute TORTURE for an audience. She’s disappointed to not go to the Olympics certainly, but is taking it in stride saying, “Gold is nice, sure, but it’s so fleeting,” Jamanski advises. “Make your own gold every day, and you won’t go wrong.”

Also, don’t pee in the pool.

[Cap News]


6 Responses to “We Don’t Swim in Your Toilet…”


  1. 1 the sister
    August 14, 2008 at 2:12 pm

    is there any part of this you didn’t make up?

  2. August 14, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    back in my day, if you peed, you were okay. no red dye. the only thing that would give you away was an inadvertent fart which would bubble up. you know.

    the farts that accidentally slip out. when you’re peeing. in a public restroom. and the guy next to you (who is DEFINITELY watching you pee out of the corner of his eye) kind of laughs at you.

    sad.

  3. August 14, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    ABC had the story, I just brought it to the masses

    Although I agree Edna Jamanski does seem like a fake name

  4. 4 geniusmannumber1
    August 14, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    ABC news. Right.

    http://www.crystalair.com/content.php?id=55200808009

    Sorry if it seems like I’m a dick, but you probably ought to have linked it.

  5. August 14, 2008 at 4:16 pm

    oooops

    see, this is what i get when im rushing in the morning, damn my dsylexia, i saw the logo up top and somehow read it as abc… and I did link it, it’s where the quote from her mentor begins…

    well, I didn’t make anything up for this story…
    sigh

    touche genius man, touche

    and well done by Cap News for suckering my brain

  6. August 14, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    ABC had the story

    You sure about that? Might want to take a harder look at CAP News.


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