Archive for the 'Poor Governing' Category

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04
Mar
09

Who Wears Short Shorts

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Other Sports, Poor Governing and Random
Tags: , ,

runnerNew York Governor David Paterson is now a cover model after being photographed and interviewed for an upcoming piece in Runner’s World Magazine. And people think the magazine industry is dying! I’m renewing my subscription to Runner’s World RIGHT NOW.

Because he’s legally blind, Paterson didn’t play sports as a child and only got into running recently in his 40s. His wife, Michelle who is an avid runner herself helped push him along by challenging him to participate in the 1999 New York Marathon. “…Her first thought was to tell me not to; she knew it would be the fastest way to get me to do it,” Paterson told Runner’s World. “When I finished the race I had to go to the hospital. I’d become hypothermic.”

Maybe she was still angry about him having affairs at a Days Inn on the upper west side…

Since he’s, you know, blind, he requires a “companion” to keep him from running into a plate glass window or whatever. And how does the governor entertain his brain while he runs? “I hum music to myself while I run, usually old disco tunes, or inspirational songs like ‘I Will Survive’ and the ‘Rocky’ themes, or some old TV themes like ‘Hawaii Five-O’ and ‘Secret Agent Man,’ ” said Paterson.

Nothing says winner more than Gloria Gaynor hummed by a blind man in short shorts…

[NY Post]

17
Oct
08

Sarah Palin Goes Both Ways

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball and Poor Governing
Tags: , , , ,

“How about those Tampa Bay Rays?” Gov. Sarah Palin shouted in Jacksonville last week. “You know what that tells me, it tells me that the people in this area know a little something about turning an underdog into a victor,” she said. “And we’re counting on you to help us do that Nov. 4.”

However, at a rally in New Hampshire on October 15, Palin appealed to the other side of the coin, “We’re just 20 days out from the election and it’s gonna come right down to the wire, and we’re counting on you because Red Sox fans know how to turn an underdog into a victor, and that’s exactly what you can help us do on Nov. 4!”

So much for straight talk. Unless straight talk means being duplicitous and disingenuous. Does being a maverick mean saying ANYTHING to try and appeal to people?

“Apparently this team of mavericks thinks straight talk means saying one thing to Rays fans and another to Red Sox fans,” chimed in DNC spokesman Damien LaVera.

Reader Youppi sent along this image to me and, since this blog is all class, I’m posting it below the jump. It’s a bit off color, it’s more than a bit inappropriate and it’s more than a bit hilarious.

Continue reading ‘Sarah Palin Goes Both Ways’

12
Oct
08

Philly Fans Boo Palin

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Hockey and Poor Governing
Tags: , , , , ,

Sarah Palin was given the honor of dropping the first puck for the Philadelphia Flyers’ new season, of course, this being Philly, city that booed Santa Claus, she was greeted with a hearty helping of boos. So much so that the arena was forced to keep raising the volume of the music in order to try and drown them out. Fortunately, Philly fans can lustily boo with the best of them and the boos can still be heard above the din. Well done Philly! I also love how Palin’s daughters have both received makeovers since they’ve been in the public arena with all new wardrobes and much more stylish haircuts. I hope they don’t stand out too much when they are returned to exile in Alaska…

22
Sep
08

The Nationals are Deadbeats

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Poor Governing
Tags: , , ,

The Washington Nationals will be mercifully finishing their season later this week, closing out merely 30+ games out of contention for the NL East, although the good news is that they are only 28.5 games out of the wild card. To cap off their inaugural season in their gorgeous new government paid-for home, the Nationals are celebrating by not paying their rent. After all, why should they bother, the product on the field is gift enough! Ted Lerner, the owner of the Nationals contends that the stadium is not “substantially complete” and so refuses to pay rent until the changes have been enacted. The city collects sales tax revenue from the stadium that is supposed to help pay down the debt from the costs that the city already outlaid. Unfortunately, since the Nationals completely and totally blow, no one goes to the games. And really, why should you? The product on the field is miserable, barely able to beat anyone, as of right now the Nats are 58-98, thats AWFUL–although I’m pretty sure that half those wins came against the Mets… With the lack of actual fans paying for tickets and buying things at the stadium Washington DC officials are forced to use a special business tax fund to help pay the debt off, of course the fund is not supposed to be used for this purpose and cannot last too long. But Ted Lerner, net worth $2.5 billion doesn’t think he needs to pay off the debt that the city accrued for his benefit. Why should a man who develops real estate think that paying one’s rent be a good thing after all. First he gets his $611 million dollar stadium financed by the city and the residents of Washington DC and now Lerner decides to tell them to all go fuck off. Nice.

Here’s a thought, if you aren’t going to pay your rent why don’t you at least use that money to help your team get better, for example by signing your NUMBER 1 DRAFT PICK, Aaron Crow, or hiring a GM who actually makes GOOD decisions. If you know that a player wants a giant bonus you don’t want to pay, DON’T FUCKING DRAFT HIM. Or is it better to remain mediocre forever? Someone take control of this franchise away from these people. I think when MLB was mishandling the team that it was in better hands.

22
Sep
08

Bush Fiddles for the Celts

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Basketball, Boston and Poor Governing
Tags: , ,

When the entire economy is collapsing methinks the executive leader of the nation should try to pay attention to the problem and focus on the issues at hand. Of course, that is not the way in which George Bush governs. So, last week as the financial institutions in New York were collapsing, taking thousands of jobs and billions of dollars with them, Bush was palling around with my champion Boston Celtics. I get that the visit to the White House is an annual event and that maybe Bush wasn’t able to avoid the issue, but when he addressed the issue he started speaking at 10:15 and was done and gone without even taking a question by 10:17. That’s 2 minutes! He must have been worried about keeping the much more important Celtics waiting. Doc Rivers waits for no man!

So, after avoiding doing anything worthwhile in actual governing, Bush met with the Celtics and spent significantly more than 2 minutes. During their visit Bush spent time joking about how he once owned the Texas Rangers, the chance to say the Celtics’ team motto “Ubuntu” in a Texas accent, and then spent time extoling the teamwork of the Celts. It’s good to know the priorities of this administration.

Why should our President give a shit, I mean, it is only the start of a global economic collapse. I guess because it wasn’t oil companies it doesn’t matter. I wonder this counts as Bush’s version of Nero fiddling while Rome collapsed. January 20th can’t come soon enough.

[Boston Globe]

31
Aug
08

Future MILF Delivers Sports News

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Poor Governing, Random and Television
Tags:

Via Deadspin comes this fantastic video of John McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin (nee Heath) in 1988 when, for a brief period of time she served as a local news sports reporter. Her hair is fantastic, her accent is atrocious and her commentary is subpar. She provides recaps for such exciting events like the Iditarod, Big Ten basketball and University of Alaska hockey scores, sounds like quite an evening of sports. Also, Palin, who has a nice MILF thing going for her now, back then, if you can look past the 7 cans of hairspray, kinda has it going on. If she were elected, it would mark the first time that the Vice-President actually got me excited, although probably not the for the reason that the Republican’s are hoping. I wonder how many times she and that SUPER hot and awesomely mustachioed anchor got down to business time in their dressing rooms before going on-air.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

That Mets/Dodgers game clip though IS hilarious. I actually recommend that the Shea grounds crew start turning on the sprinklers during the games now, it’s certainly better than having to watch the Mets bullpen.

Also, my new favorite completely unsubstantiated rumor that I am nearly 100% is completely UNTRUE but still interesting to think about, is that Palin’s infant son is really the son of her 17 year old daughter who was held out of school for 4-5 months with “mono.” Now, a woman having a child at age 44 IS more likely to have a child with Down’s Syndrome, so that is a strong mark in favor of Palin having had the child, but then I see things like how she took a 7 hour flight to get back to Alaska AFTER her water broke to have her baby at a hospital WITHOUT an NICU and it seems awfully strange to me. But whateves, it’s only the fate of the free world. Another interesting link, from a more mainstream non-rando website on this story is here, so you don’t think I’m just making this stuff up as I go along. I mean I am, but I don’t want you THINKING that.

[Deadspin]

13
Aug
08

Chalk Up Another Fine Presidential Moment

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Olympics and Poor Governing
Tags: , , , ,

Continuing his tour of the US Olympic athletes, here is Cheerleader-in-Chief Bush visiting with the softball team since, like most men, he LOVES Jenny Finch. Laura Berg, the team’s resident prankster was the one who got the chalk handprint on his back. I’m just disgusted that she wanted to touch him, look at that shirt, he has totally sweat through that entire thing and you want to put your hand on a 60 year old’s sweat? Gross. Oh yeah, and now the leader of the free world looks like the nerdy kid in gym class. Look at us world, we’re a city on a hill!

[Sports by Brooks]

17
Jun
08

President Bush Has a Basketball Jones

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Basketball, Douches and Poor Governing
Tags: , , , ,

President Bush was in Belfast the other day and showed off his basketball prowess which is roughly equivalent to his ability as a world leader. Check out how he tosses the ball to the kids, that’s some coordination there… sigh, only 6 more months. 6 more months…

09
Jun
08

Who is Excited for the Olympics!

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Olympics, Other Sports and Poor Governing
Tags: , , ,

The Summer Olympics are due to start in Beijing in only a few weeks, and the Chinese government has been very busy constructing new facilities, cleaning up the city, jailing dissidents, etc, in preparation. The eyes of the world will be on Beijing this summer and the Chinese want to make sure that the games go off without a hitch. I only hope people can see them.


This is the view of James Fallows, a writer for The Atlantic, from his apartment in downtown Beijing. Get excited world!

04
May
08

People Like Horseys More Than You

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Douches, Poor Governing, Pop Culture and Random
Tags: , , , , , , ,

At Saturday’s running of the Kentucky Derby the only filly in the race, Eight Belles valiantly raced to second place, but her near-victory was short-lived as in the process she broke both her front ankles and it became necessary to euthanize her on the track immediately. For those of you wondering why it was necessary to euthanize her because of her broken ankles, the answer is here. Of course, with such a popular event like the Kentucky Derby invariably a circus-like atmosphere can develop.

For example, the pre-race hullabaloo included making sure the Democrat candidates made their picks for the race. Barack Obama picked Big Brown, the favorite before the race, who did indeed go on to win. Hillary Clinton’s choice though was fellow filly Eight Belles. Not exactly the best omen for one’s campaign to present.

When the injury to Barbaro in 2006 occurred there was an outpouring of ridiculousness from all sorts of people across the world. Fan blogs, message boards, people sending gifts, and giant cards were just the beginning with the insane way people reacted, and overreacted to the accident that befell a horse. After all, in the end it is just a horse and this is no longer the 19th century and horses are unnecessary anymore except as rich guy status symbols. I love that these people who cared so much about Barbaro and somehow found inspiration or something in his attempts to recover could give a shit about actual people in the world. However, a horse that they never met, would never interact with, that could care less about you and your thoughts and that was the plaything of some rich people to prove how big their wallet-dicks are, was such a focal point in these crazy people’s clearly otherwise empty and pathetic lives.

Continue reading ‘People Like Horseys More Than You’

01
May
08

You Mean, I Get to Stand Sorta Close to Dale Earnhardt?

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Douches, Other Sports, Poor Governing and Random
Tags: , , , ,

The United States Navy has a long history of proud service, from its earliest beginnings through today the men in white have served with distinction and valor and done their nation proud. With recruitment numbers down across the board for the military thanks to the never-ending warmongering in Washington, the various armed forces have been forced to become much more creative in their suckering of new recruits.

The reason the recruiting numbers are down is because most people are smart enough to realize that the way the military has been deployed and employed recently, there is a decent chance of getting dead. But, if you’re the military and you still need bodies, there is one group of people almost always dumb enough to poach from, of course, I mean Nascar fans.

So, in order to try and attract new people to the Navy, rabid Nascar fans can join up and become a part of the Dale Jr. Division, a specialized training unit for 88 recruits, because 88 is his car number. ADORABLE! I can’t decide which is more depressing; that the military has to reach out to Nascar fans in such a stupid manner, or that the unit probably had an overwhelming number of people willing to do it. Most of them were probably unaware of anything to do with the Navy, “Huh, shucks, well, you mean that I get to meet Dale Jr? Sh-ee-ee-ee-it, (spit) hell, I’ll sign anything you want…” Now, from my ivory east coast liberalism tower, the fact that the military has to whore itself out in such a manner is embarrassing, then again, the fact that millions of people spend billions of dollars a year to watch some rednecks drive in circles will never make sense to me either.

I can imagine that there is no lack of people who are idiotic enough to take the chance to have anything to do with Dale Earnhardt Jr. since if you look at the fans of his dad, the late Dale Earnhardt, very little can surprise me. I’m obsessed with sports, I spend my entire day thinking about sports, but I would never ever do something as retarded as this, or this, definitely not this, and 100% never this, but hey, that’s just me.

Dale Jr. isn’t just lending his name though, “he’s going to go up and actually check on the company, the division, from time to time — I believe at the beginning, and then also at the end. So he’s not just going to put his name on it and then leave it alone,” Navy recruiter Eric Franklin said Wednesday at the Southside headquarters of Navy Recruiting Division Jacksonville. Wow. Great. Sounds like he’s really involved for these dumbasses stupid enough to sign up.

The only good thing this portends is that in the future we can look forward to many more celebrity affiliated military units. For example, these units are supposedly next up on the DoD’s list:

  • The Carmelo Anthony “Drunk Driving Fighting 47th Tank Division”
  • The Kevin Garnett “Truly Insane Terrifying 45th Motor Pool Unit”
  • The Josh Howard “Flying High 420th Bomber Air Wing”
  • The Bill Parcells “Fat Bulbous Tuna 101st Kitchen Brigade”
  • The Mike Hampton “1,036 DL Stints Hospital Ship”

I can’t wait! It’s always a good sign when the military is digging deep into the barrel of Nascar fans for recruits. I for one feel totally safe and protected now.

22
Apr
08

Putin Puts In For an Upgrade

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Hot Women, Poor Governing and Random
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

When you’re the despotic leader of a former superpower who has been forced by silly constitutional rules into an ostensibly ceremonial Prime Minister position so you can maintain an iron-grip on your country, sometimes you need something different in your life. Also, French President Nicholas Sarkozy has been traipsing around Europe showing off his new supermodel wife getting all the publicity and attention and it simply isn’t fair! Finally, seeing as how, besides Richard Branson, Vladimir Putin is the closest thing we have in the world to a legitimate Bond villain, it only makes sense that he took umbrage to these offenses and finally upgraded his accessories to fit his lifestyle.

Since 1983 Putin was married to a woman named Lyudmila–it just rolls off the tongue so lyrically doesn’t it–whom he met after she graduated college and who is quite the handsome woman. In fact, she kinda looks like what the offspring of Hillary Clinton and Liza Minnelli would be, spooky.

It seems, though, that he’s decided to trade in for a newer model; maybe not the classiest thing to do, but that’s the course he’s taken. Clearly peeved that Sarkozy was getting so much worldwide attention, Putin started to feel marginalized, like his giant stocks of nuclear weapons were meaningless solely because some French philanderer banged a supermodel. Russian pride was on the line! Like any good Bond villain, he needs appropriate arm-candy to be respected at the secret evil-doers meetings that are held, someone who will steal the eyes of men around him as he plays baccarat in Monaco so he can pour poison into someone’s glass. You know, the standard affairs of state.

Attempting to one-up Sarkozy’s catch, Putin has started seeing Alina Kabaeva, a 24 year old gold medal winning gymnast, known particularly for her extreme flexibility, turned representative in the Russian Duma for Youth Rights.

Hot.

For Putin, who has daughters aged 22 and 21, this might be just a little awkward, but he’s a man of action so it shouldn’t dissuade him much; Putin is not one to shy away from the young, after all he’s always been a lover of children. I’m sure it was a hard choice, after all, Lyudmila had been a seemingly loyal partner for decades, but Kabaeva can easily flip her legs over her head. This is why Putin is so loved in Russia, his decision-making ability. I feel confident that the majority of Russia would have made the same move. Putin is a man who knows what to think with, anytime you can get a girl who can contort her body like that, you jump at that opportunity.

The biggest regret about this whole situation is that these one-upmanship world leaders battles of dating and marrying the super-hot women began after Bill Clinton was out of office! If there is any leader who would have loved to have gotten into this steamy style of affair it is ol’ Bill, but now, it’s too late and he won’t ever have the chance. I consider it a travesty. Bill could have dated Britney Spears, back when she was hot, think of the prestige that would have given our country and government! Alas, we were left with this instead…

Anyway, Alina Kabaeva is a smokeshow and I salute Putin for putting his interests out there and taking what he wanted. I don’t remember ever seeing Stalin with any hot broads so this is one more thing that Putin has over ol’ Unky Joe.

(Stick around after the jump for a pantsload of more hot Anna Kabaeva pictures)

Continue reading ‘Putin Puts In For an Upgrade’

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