After the Tampa Bay Buccaneers “honored” Mike Alstott by retiring his jersey and reminding him that he has been a part of a dysfunctional, idiotic franchise because they weren’t able to figure out how to put a properly spelled uniform on him, you’d think that would be the end of the story. But, it turns out that Tampa fans are just as douchey as the organization. For attending the game, fans were given a special Mike Alstott bobblehead. Fans were so touched and impacted by this that DURING THE GAME they were putting the bobbleheads up for sale on eBay. Now that’s celebrating a true Tampa “legend.”
Archive for the 'Douches' Category
23
Oct
08
Tampa Fans 100% Not Classy
Due to an outpouring of negative responses from media and the general populace at Nike’s doucherie, they have changed their minds regarding Arien O’Connell and have declared her to be “a” winner in the Nike Women’s Marathon. Since they already awarded winner’s awards to another, despite that woman finishing 11 minutes behind O’Connell, she is only declared a winner as opposed to THE winner, which of course, she is. O’Connell will receive the same prize money and trophy as the “elite” runner did and to make sure that this embarrassment never happens to Nike again, they’ve opted to eliminate the elite runner category and everyone will start at the same time next year. At least the right thing was eventually done, it’s just a shame that Nike had essentially to be shamed into doing it.
18
Oct
08
TBS NOT VERY FUNNY
WHAT THE FUCK TBS! So glad you bid to get the playoffs on your podunky shit-ass channel. This is the biggest crock of shit ever. Because baseball fans would much prefer to catch up on Steve Harvey episodes that they probably missed.
FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Shane Victorino has been a pest these playoffs, with a huge grand slam in the first round and then being a catalyst towards a benches emptying standing around “fight,” but now he’s REALLY done it, he’s angered PETA. After revealing that his favorite food is Spam musubi, the Flying Hawaiian has irked the publicity whores over at PETA who sent him a letter about their recent investigations into the pig farm that supplies the manufacturer of Spam. “We suspect that the cruelty in every can of Spam will infuriate Shane more than a high Hiroki Kuroda fastball,” says Dan Shannon, PETA’s assistant director, in a note. “If Shane likes Spam a lot, he should buy tickets to the Broadway play but leave it off his dinner plate.”
Several things about this story interest me. One, Shane Victorino has poor taste in food. Two, who knew that Spam actually came from pigs! Three, PETA has GOT to get a life and get over themselves. Four, Don Shannon LOVES shitty puns. When the story was brought to the attention of a Phillies PR rep, the rep said he’d ask Victorino for a comment, after the World Series. After the jump is the letter from PETA, an organization that I wish would just stick to real animal rights issues.
And a hearty h/t to Philly.com for the “Frying Hawaiian” bit.
The playoffs always feature some interesting t-shirt designs from fans. Usually the shirts are a little crude (see “Jeter Sucks A-Rod”) or overconfident, but they are made by fans so that makes sense. On the other hand, for a franchise, particularly one in the playoffs for only the first time and who has won a single series to come out with their own sanctioned, MLB shop t-shirt like this is simply unfathomable.
WOW. That’s a pretty bold t-shirt to be offering. Talk about overweening pride. Hasn’t anyone told them the story of Icarus. I hope someone shows these to the Sox players. Again, it’d be one thing if this were a fan-made shirt. But it ain’t. You can purchase it through the Rays’ official team store on MLB.com. I simply don’t get it. Confident is one thing, cocky is OK too, but c’mon, you haven’t done a goddamn thing yet. I look forward to some drubbings now. Let’s GO SOX!
10
Oct
08
Magic Johnson and the Fake AIDS
Langdon Perry, a conservative talking-head radio host in Minneapolis on KTLK offered up an interesting tidbit of opinion during his Wednesday radio show. While talking with a caller about education issues Perry and his co-host, Chris Baker, seamlessly segued from education to diseases and then Perry off-hand decides to toss out Magic Johnson; Perry is convinced that Johnson has faked having AIDS. Of course he did. After all, why WOULDN’T a Hall-of-Fame basketball legend want to publicly come out as being afflicted with a deadly disease that sparks revulsion and fear amongst a large majority of the (conservative) population. Makes perfect sense to me! Just another example of those Compassionate Conservatives I suppose. Never mind that Johnson has NEVER had AIDS but does have HIV, but then, why let facts get in the way of scurrilous rumor.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Transcript of the conversation is below the jump.
[Media Matters] Continue reading ‘Magic Johnson and the Fake AIDS’
08
Oct
08
Bailouts Run in His Blood
Merritt Paulson is the 28 year old co-owner of the Portland Beavers, the Triple-A affiliate of the San Diego Padres and he’s working very hard to try and bring an MLS franchise to the Portland area. In order to do that, he wants to renovate the stadium where the Beavers play and build a new stadium for them elsewhere in the city. Paulson is looking for $85 million from the city for renovations while he’s willing to pony up $40 million for the soccer franchise itself. MLS has promised the city a team by 2011 if they built a soccer-specific stadium, hence the renovations, but while some people are excited others, like Jody Wiser of Tax Fairness Oregon feel differently. “My personal feeling is if Merritt Paulson wants a team he should buy some land and build the stadium. That’s his job as a business owner. It’s not the job of the grocery store clerk.”
Meanwhile, the price tag keeps climbing. In September Paulson said it would take $75 million and today it’s 85. But for Paulson, son of current Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (who is the other co-owner of the Beavers) the government’s money is seen as just another ATM for him to use. After all, if AIG and all of his dad’s cronies on Wall Street can get some government coin, why not him!
Don’t worry though, the new Mayor-Elect Sam Adams is on the scene and ready to help provide leadership; also, 2 kegs of the fall seasonal ale. Continue reading ‘Bailouts Run in His Blood’
Sometimes after a hard-fought football game tensions are still high. How can they not be, as men vie against one another in the trenches in hand-to-hand combat, putting their bodies on the line in order to try and contain that little pigskin. So it is no wonder that even after the final whistle blows sometimes these warriors continue their battles.
Or sometimes, a grown man will push a child in the post-game handshake line.
Vodpod videos no longer available.Initially the father of Wesley Deveanport, the kid pushed, had little issue with the opposing coach’s actions, until that is he learned that there was video of it. Then he miraculously got VERY interested and upset, even to the point of talking to the police about pressing charges for assault against a minor and the outrage flowed:
This grown man approaches him and physically and forcefully pushes him, hits him in the head and my son had no idea why that was happening, how that could be happening, and here he is in a safe zone, a fun sport, and this guy really affected him, emotionally.
It sounds as though his hand hit right at the point of the face mask and the top of the helmet. And it was enough force to make him almost fall down, backwards. If you see him, he’s grasping as he’s falling backwards, trying to hold himself up, and regain balance.
The coach in question, who hasn’t been identified reportedly said that Deveanport had been playing dirty during the game, a point disputed by commenters in the original story saying that Deveanport did nothing of the kind. Regardless, it was a kid’s football game and an adult coach showed him who was boss and I think we can all get behind that.
[KSDK via Sports by Brooks]
UPDATED
The coach in question has been revealed and he comes out and defends himself, although he also resigned his position as coach. “One of the kids coming at me was saying ‘you suck’ and coming at our players,” Tony Warneke told KDSK. “When he got close, he said, ‘You blanking suck.’ And I reached out and shoved him and said, ‘Knock it off now.’ ”
How DARE that little kid use such language! “Blanking” is a TERRIBLE curse word. Next time kid try “motherfucker,” it’s much more potent.
06
Oct
08
A-Rod Salutes the Plebes
Washington may be claiming that the economy is in crisis, but if you’re a baseball slugger with the two richest contracts in sports history times they ain’t so bad. Sure, your team got bounced from even getting to the playoffs for the first time in over a decade, but really it’s Jeter’s team anyways, so it isn’t A-Rod’s fault. Hence him out for a meal with a couple friends including, according to the NY Post a “sexy brunette.” Always aware of the media’s attention to him, he switched seats from sitting next to her to sitting across when he noticed photographers setting up. Fortunately though, A-Rod, a man who can quite easily set up his own version of Scrooge McDuck’s money bin, still provided some moments of interest for the photographers and in particular for all those people who are in danger of losing their homes and life savings. That’s because A-Rod has so much money he can use $100 bills as napkins. Now THAT’S living the dream!
[NY Post]
The Cincinnati Bengals, owners of an 0-4 record that doesn’t look to get any better with this week’s matchup against the Cowbows added to their roster of malcontents and miscreants by signing former Bears running back Cedric Benson. Of all the teams in the league, Benson made the best possible choice. After all, no one else is so open and accepting of DUI’s and a player of the versatility of Cedric Benson, who can garner a DUI on land and sea should markedly help the team. The Bengals, who have made more headlines off the field than on in recent years seem to have accepted that if they can’t win on the field they might as well make news off the field. I just hope the Bengals players take to Benson more than his Bears teammates did since the Bears tried to injure him in practice so Thomas Jones could play instead…
30
Sep
08
High School is Hard
So this video hit the ol’ tubes sometime yesterday and it is being purported to be a tape of the Melbourne (Florida) High School volleyball team being hazed. Even if it isn’t that school it’s still a tape of high schoolers being douchebags to one another and for that, I can post it here. If it is the volleyball team then it CERTAINLY belongs, seeing as how I love hazing!
This hazing is a little bit strange, it starts with the girls being dressed as clowns, OK, standard stuff, I’m enjoying it so far. Then the girls are herded into a circle and the random boys at this party then mercilessly beat them with pillows. I’m not quite clear on the reason for this part. It seems to me that if you’re going to allow non-team members beat the shit out of your hazees you might as well just get some mafia goons to break kneecaps. I feel like it is a violation of hazing etiquette to let the boys in. Also, at 5:50 in the clip one of the boys says “Raping is tiring,” so that’s fun! The video is a little long and punctuated with high school girls being shrill and loud, but it’s certainly interesting. After the pillow beating the senior girls take the hazees off to a beach where they will be egged and floured. Even MORE fun!
26
Sep
08
Rajon Rondo Wasn’t Very Friendly
So last night I was at a media event and Kevin Garnett and Rajon Rondo where there amongst other people, hence why I was there. Kevin Garnett couldn’t have been nicer, he was totally down. However, I am VERY VERY disappointed with Rajon Rondo who was a total dbag to me. I first went up to him and tried to introduce myself as a Celtics fan and he blew me off. Fine, whateves, it’s a party. Then later when he was standing alone off to the side, I approached him again and asked if I could get a photo with him. He reluctantly agreed and then when I took my phone out of my pocket to take the picture he refused, saying “NO camera phones,” and then turned his back on me. It wasn’t like I was trying to take a video of him nailing 6 hookers or something, I just wanted a picture of me and him. Needless to say I am GREATLY disappointed. First off, Rondo was barely bigger than I am, and I ain’t the biggest tree in the forest, and second, BE NICE TO THE FANS! Especially since I used to be a minority owner of the Celtics. I once was VERY very tertiarily involved in the paying of salaries! So, here’s the worst camera phone picture of Rondo that I got last night. This one DEFINITELY makes him look like an alien.
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