02
Apr
09

New Seahawk Uniforms Look Like Bile


Not content with sucking while playing in the easiest division in the NFL and distraught over the retirement of Mike Holmgren, the Seattle Seahawks have plans for a third, alternate jersey. The uniform, tastefully colored in Snot Green should be a big seller amongst kids who want to get beat up by bullies. I’d recommend wearing a Rick Mirer version of this uniform for EXTRA beatdowns. These uniforms are the ultimate combination of fail and suck.

2009greenalts[Green Glare]


8 Responses to “New Seahawk Uniforms Look Like Bile”


  1. June 23, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    HA HA FUCK YOU BITCH…

    WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SLANCH REPORT?

    NO COMMENTS, SEAHAWKS WILL WIN SUPERBOWLS…

    LMAO, SERIOUSLY FUCK IS SLANCH REPORT?

    • June 23, 2009 at 7:22 pm

      Well, there’s an “about” page at the top to tell you about the blog…

      Originally the Slanch Report was a place where people could come for fun sports stories and I could share my occasional opinions about the games as well. However, your scathing commentary has really put me in my place and so this shall be the end of the Slanch Report, thank you so much for stopping by and belittling me. Without you I might have toiled for years for my many readers never achieving anything. You have saved me.

      Thank you semi-anonymous “Fook Yu”

      Also, there is zero chance the Seahawks will win the Superbowl. I’d be pretty shocked if they even finish second in their division. So take that as you may you ignorant, vulgar douche-fuck.

      Also, go back to school because you’re mentally challenged brain can’t even string together 3 sentences.

  2. 3 Dame
    September 28, 2009 at 8:51 am

    Ithought that you could delete people? Why are you letting anyone tell you what to do. Don’t stop something you love because of some idiot. Find a blog that gives you more control of the commnets, delete this fool and do what you love. 🙂 And the Seahawks suck!

    • September 28, 2009 at 9:10 am

      Thanks for the support Dame, don’t worry, I’m not actually going anywhere. You see, what I did in that previous comment was to PRETEND I was quitting my blog because some douche-nozzle told me to, but in actuality I was merely making fun of him for being ignorant and irrelevant.

      Your concern and support is touching and appreciated.

  3. 5 TBone McGillicutti
    September 28, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    I like your blog a lot. That first jizz pouch is either color blind or hopelessly devoted to his pathetic team to the point he takes offense to the starkly obvious.

    I think the color looks like Mt.Dew vomit.

    Ignore that idiot.

  4. 6 Dave
    September 28, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Well it seems lots of fans just seem to hate things with no concern for any reason so much as they get to vent bile. So I think the uniforms are a good color as all these bozo’s get the chance to complain. I how it offends the living daylights out of them.
    Go green! Go Seahawks!

  5. 7 myummers
    September 29, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    i like the color. or at least i don’t mind it. shit, there’s 90 different horrific uniforms out there across all the major sports.

    oops! gotta go, i’ve misplaced my jizz pouch and must go and find it before my mom gets home!

  6. October 6, 2009 at 9:15 am

    I think the new jerseys don’t look that bad. I’ve seen worse. I agree however when they were in the initial design stage I was a little skeptical, but once they were out on the field last Sunday, I really liked the new look.

    It’s just an alternate anyway, not a mainstay. Go Seahawks!


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