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10
Jun
09

More on the MLB Draft

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags:

For those of you too cool for school and so are not following along the incredibly fun conference call that is the remainder of the draft, you’re missing out on some great stuff such as:

  • The Red Sox taking Seth Schwindenhammer with the 168th pick, if he makes the majors he would take the title away from Jarrod Saltalamachia for the longest last name in MLB history.
  • Patrick Schuster, he of the 4 straight no-hitters, was taken number 396 by the Diamondbacks.
  • The 14th round features such awesome names as Chadwick Bell (424, Rangers), Casio Grider (427, Dodgers), Sequoyah Stonecipher (428, Marlins) (my favorite) and Graham Stoneburner (435, Yankees)
  • The Oakland Athletics took Josh Leyland out of San Dimas High School, I wonder if the town has a statue for Bill and Ted yet. San Dimas High football RULES!
  • In the 15th round the Red Sox take current bullpen fire-baller Daniel Bard’s younger brother, Luke Bard, a RHP out of high school, gotta love those bloodlines!
  • There are a whole lot of junior colleges around this country, even more amazing, they all seem to have baseball programs. What’s the deal there? Is it just a relatively cheap sport to be able to support or is is because the NCAA doesn’t care about baseball because it doesn’t make it money?
  • Several of the teams have a woman’s voice making their picks, does this mean the old boys club is going away? Do I need to become a woman to get a job in baseball, because I’ll consider it…
  • With pick 544, the Rangers take Michael Schaaf. SHUT YO’ MOUTH. But I was just talking about Schaaf… And we can dig it.
10
Jun
09

Ervin Santana Has a Potty Mouth

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

After out-dueling super-ace Justin Verlander 5 days ago, Angels starter Ervin Santana can be forgiven for a brief lapse of judgement when speaking with Angels team reporter Jose Mota after the game. While his language may not have been appropriate for television, Santana, who is back with a vengeance after an elbow injury earlier in the year, is more than welcome to say whatever he wants on Angels TV if he continues pitching as he has.

And really, isn’t that the attitude you WANT from an ace pitcher?

10
Jun
09

The Orioles Fail at Spelling

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

orioles-twitter-typo-oriloes

There must be something in the water in the Washington DC/Baltimore area; first there was the disaster when the Nationals went out to play in uniforms with their name misspelled, and now the Orioles suffer from a similar error. The team’s Twitter feed may not be of the utmost importance to the front-office, but it’s pretty embarrassing to have your team name in large font prominently displayed on the screen as “Oriloes.”

Since this first got reported, the Orioles have subsequently fixed their error but that it happened in the first place is simply awful. Hey, guess what, I’m a GREAT speller, hint hint MLB teams…

[Home Run Derby]

09
Jun
09

A Slanch Report “Live” Blogging Event!

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball and Site News
Tags: ,

BudSeligDraft96Because I enjoyed doing it last year, I’m going to be blogging the MLB draft once more, starting tonight at 6pm. It will be a “semi-live” blogging event, because, with the Sox/Yankees game I may get distracted and I only have the one cable hookup, but stay tuned and come back later to enjoy all the Bud Selig awkwardness and grainy footage of high school baseball players!

Join us after the jump for the full “live” blogging experience.

Continue reading ‘A Slanch Report “Live” Blogging Event!’

09
Jun
09

The Destroyer of Shea

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , ,

!BTvO8cw!mk~$(KGrHgoH-D4EjlLl0WegBKKBDgQKT!~~_1If you have $35,000 lying around your place I have the PERFECT investment for you; the wrecking ball that destroyed Shea Stadium is available on eBay.

According to the very terse description, this auction is for the “AUTHENTIC ONE AND ONLY 3TON GINNOW STEELWRECKING BALL USED TO DEMOLISH THE FAMOUS SHEA STADIUM IN 2008!”

You can’t put a price on history like that. Except, obviously the $35,000 starting bid. I have to imagine this collector’s item would be a natural fit in any sports fan’s game room. It’s like a Fat Head, but cooler.

[eBay via Sporting News]

09
Jun
09

The Marlins Know How to Draw a Crowd

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: ,

accountantTonight’s matchup between the Florida Marlins and St. Louis Cardinals is notable not for the game itself, but because, finally, the promotional event everyone has been waiting for is here, the 5th Annual CPA Appreciation night.

Your CPA saved you some cash a couple months ago at tax time, now it’s time to reward him or her and give them the gift that everyone appreciates, a trip to an otherwise empty stadium! Hooray!

Spend that tax refund on your CPA, I bet you can even write it off as a charitable expense!

[Florida Marlins]

09
Jun
09

Yankees Fan Smuggles Grass into Phish Show

By slanch 9 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Boston and Douches
Tags: , , , , ,

fenway_seedsA week ago I took to the friendly confines of Fenway for the beginning of the Phish summer tour; I was there in the spirit of fun and to enjoy myself, some in the crowd had ulterior motives. Ian Ferris, 30, of Shelburne, Vermont, a manager of a Hooters in Vermont came to the concert and smuggled in some grass.

Unlike the other 40,000+ people who were at the concert and smuggled in their own grass, Ferris’ was of an evil nature. While everyone else was lighting up and smoking theirs, Ferris was maliciously tossing seeds from his bag of Yankees grass (available for purchase at the stadium and online), onto the blocked off infield grass all in an attempt to counterbalance the effects of the once-buried David Ortiz jersey in the new Yankee Stadium.

“This is payback. If even one blade of grass sprouts on the field, I feel it was a success,” he said.

Gino Castignoli, the construction worker who planted the uniform in the first place though is unimpressed.

“My curse is working,” he said. “It’s typical of a Yankee fan to think you can buy a jinx in a bag. When will they learn, you don’t win with your wallet but with your heart?”

How dare Ferris come into Fenway for a light-hearted affair like Phish and taint it. The concert had NOTHING to do with Red Sox/Yankees, it’s like chanting “Yankees Suck” at a bar mitzvah, it’s just unnecessary. Also, anyone from Vermont who is a Yankees fan is a douchenozzle of the utmost and most likely a bandwagon loser fan. Just saying…

[NY Post]

08
Jun
09

Mike Winters’ Mouth Needs to Be Washed With Soap

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , , ,

Umpire Mike Winters likes to talk a bit of a blue steak. He’s the umpire who 2 years ago angered Milton Bradley by telling him to “shut the fuck up and play the game,” Bradley complained that Winters was “treating him like a piece of shit,” and Winters told Bradley that he was “fucking piece of shit.” Bradley went after him and tore his own ACL in the process. Oops. Also, in 1998 apparently Winters told Charlie Hayes to “go fuck himself” when arguing balls and strikes which made HAYES go crazy. Clearly Winters is a people person.

So, it’s fair to say that Winters likes telling players to go fuck themselves. This video, captured from Saturday’s Dodgers/Phillies game features Matt Kemp getting a called third strike and then complaining to Winters about the call. Winters, thanks to the Fox microphones can clearly be heard telling Kemp that no, in fact he isn’t “fucking kidding.” Fun!

[CMSB]

08
Jun
09

I Thought Center Field was a Glamour Position

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball and Boston
Tags: , , , ,

During yesterday’s Sox/Rangers tilt, after making a phenomenal catch, Jacoby Ellsbury reinjured the shoulder he tweaked earlier in the game, forcing him to have to come out. With the return of Mark Kotsay to the Sox bench, there are now two center field options, him and Rocco Baldelli and it seems neither was particularly excited to play center. The two men squared off in the oldest of baseball traditions, deciding who plays where via Rocks-Paper-Scissors. Baldelli wins and gets to play right.

I like that Tito allowed this, after all, what’s the difference? Both men play the position solidly and no one else was available with JD Drew having received a cortisone shot earlier in the day. No reason to make it a big deal. I like it!

[Sox & Dawgs]


07
Jun
09

A Rays Doppelganger to Rescue Us All

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Baseball, Celebrities, Doppelgangers and Television
Tags: , ,

At the time the Detroit Tigers traded Matt Joyce for Edwin Jackson, the consensus was that the Rays had received the better end of the deal. As of today, Jackson is among the leaders for lowest ERA this season and just won his 6th game; Joyce was only just recently called up after hitting .315 and posting a .938 OPS in AAA. There is still a long ways to go, but it looks like the Rays made their own version of the Bronson/Wily Mo ill-fated deal the Sox made. Matt Joyce should ultimately be much better than Wily Mo, but with the paucity of quality outings by the Rays staff recently, it’s certain that, as of now, the Rays would love to take that one back. From the FX show Rescue Me, where he plays Damian, Michael Zegen is one of the acting standouts, stealing scenes as he makes his way, including a truly hilarious moment recently when he explains what a “hot lunch” is, in voting down a band name. Zegen was also in the best movie I’ve seen in the theaters this year, Adventureland where the talented actor once more stole every scene he was in. While the Rays may regret losing Jackson, you’ll never regret watching Zegen. Now, I look at these two young men and all I can think is, brothers? So, what do you think? And seriously, if you’re not watching Rescue Me, you’re missing out on some kick-ass Zegen.

Makes sure to VOTE in the poll below so that this doppelganger pairing can join its brethren on the PERMANENT Doppelgangers page.

JoyceZegen

04
Jun
09

Just Say No to Jeter

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Hot Women
Tags: , ,

FP_3064699_Minka_Kelly_smallGood news for those of you still interested in my desire for Friday Night Lights actress Minka Kelly; she ISN’T marrying Derek Jeter!

Of course, I thought they were already broken up so…

But, when asked about rumors that Jeter was out ring-shopping with Kelly he responded incredulously, “The what? Engagement rumors with who? I have not heard that.”

First off, there’s nothing classier than referring to your ladyfriend as “who.”

Minka, I would treat you with respect and class, because together, we’d be magic.

MAGIC!

[NY Daily News]

 

 

03
Jun
09

John Sterling Wins the Douche of the Year Award and It’s Only June

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , , , ,

That’s in large part thanks to his home run call last night when John Sterling — often referred to as “The Voice of the Yankees” who has called every game since 1989 — starts using his stupid and annoying catchphrase for A-Rod even though it was Hideki Matsui who hit the home run. It’s no big deal though, I’m sure Matsui was PSYCHED to have an A-Bomb attached to his accomplishments. In fact, the Japanese LOVE A-bombs right?

[Deadspin]

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