Archive for July, 2009



02
Jul
09

For the Cubs Fan Who Needs Constant Reminders of Futility

cubbietimeP.J. Tanzillo, a software designer with Bearded Pony who is originally from Chicago recently created a new app for all you Cubs fan iPhone users out there; CubbieTime, an app that keeps track of the time since the Cubs last won the World Series.

From the developers’ description of the app:

How long can the biggest let down for the biggest sports town in America go on? Right now it has been 101 years 1 month 29 days 14 hours 36 minutes and 27, 28, 29 seconds… you get the picture. The Chicago Cubs are the lovable losers of major league baseball.
Not only does Northside Clock act as your NIGHT STAND CLOCK and ALARM CLOCK, it also gives you the exact amount of time since October 14, 1908 — the last time the cursed Cubbies won the big one AND acts as a DIRECT NEWS FEED for everything Cubs – the most loved team in MLB.

I don’t see why the Cubs like losing so much, the Red Sox used to do it, but then we decided to start winning and it’s much more enjoyable. The Cubs should make a similar decision. In the meantime, spend the $.99 to buy this app if you want, and if you do, tell Bearded Pony to kick in something to me.

[Chicago Tribune]

02
Jul
09

Winners Wear Mustaches

I don’t know what it is about closers but Tom Verducci of SI assembled his list of the 10 best closers of all time and most of the list features one form or another of AWESOME facial hair, including some of the best mustaches to never be seen on a 70s porn set. It’s worth checking out.

02
Jul
09

Mets + Furries = A Beautiful Combination

In the movie Major League, team owner Rachel Phelps, in an effort to cause the Indians to play worse, starts removing the amenities that big leaguers are used to; I wonder if the Wilpons are doing something similar with the Mets. Either that, or they lost a whole lot more money than they are admitting to Madoff, because the Mets rolled into Pittsburgh last night and arrived at their hotel, they found out that Anthrocon 2009 was ALSO being held there. Anthrocon, being, obviously, the big convention for furry fetishists.

Kevin Burkhardt of SNY, delightful scamp that he is tweeted about it when they arrived at the hotel, and managed to post an incredible picture of “a person who was dressed like Ralph Wigam as a Beaver.”

Picture_16
Look for the Pirates to sweep the Mets now…

[Deadspin]

01
Jul
09

Isiah Thomas Forces College Cheerleaders Into Bikini Car Wash

Vodpod videos no longer available.

In April, Florida International University made the questionable choice of hiring Isiah Thomas as their new men’s basketball coach. The hiring was idiotic; he’s never been a good coach, he’s been terrible in management positions and of course, his personal behavior can be a bit, er, erratic shall we say. Throw in that Thomas was given a 5-year $5 million contract, (although he has said he will donate his first year salary BACK to the school) and the decision makes zero sense. Now, thanks to adding in Thomas’ big money deal, the school is forced to make cutbacks elsewhere. First off, and most horribly, the cheerleading team is being scrapped!

In order for the program to be saved, the cheerleaders need to raise $50,000, which they have been attempting to do via bake sale, bikini car wash (yes!) and of course, a calendar. Now, if only the school had some money lying around, hmmm, if only they didn’t wastefully spend it on a basketball coach who will leave the program in tatters and produce zero success. If only!

Of course, if this turns out to be a move solely to prevent Isiah Thomas from being around cute college co-eds, I

wholeheartedly support it and retract all my criticism.

[Online Sports Guys]

01
Jul
09

Patriots Rookies Win Trivia Night!

TKT trivia 2of4.jpgAt the NFL’s Rookie Symposium the New England Patriots rookies, for the second year in a row, won the Ultimate Rookie Challenge. The symposium, mandatory for all NFL rookies, is intended to help prepare the rookies for the difficulties in adjusting to the professional game.

Throughout the three-and-a-half day symposium, which started Sunday evening and ended today, rookies were asked a series of questions based on symposium presentations and basic NFL trivia.

The combined individual scores of the Patriots rookies were the best of any NFL team at the symposium, which was held in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla.

As a reward for having the highest scores, the Patriots rookies each won a free 32″ flat-screen TV.

[Boston Globe]

01
Jul
09

Sumo Beetle Chooses Freedom Over Victory

mŽG‹L’ n‘S‘‚©‚Ô‚Æ’Ž‘Š–o‘å‰ï@—DŸŒˆ’èí‚ʼnïêŠO‚֏Á‚¦‚Ä‚¢‚«AI think it’s safe to say that culturally, Japan and America are world’s apart; for instance, yesterday was the grand final of the National Rhinoceros Beetle Sumo Championship.

The competition was all atwitter after one of the final “wrestlers” flew out of the arena, and then the larger room, resulting in an instant disqualification.

Around 430 elementary school students took part with their beetles. The winner of each match is determined by which beetle makes it highest up the 70-centimeter pole forming the arena after 60 seconds.

During the final “King Kabuto,” owned by Takuma Kobayashi, 7, started out very strongly; but finally chose freedom over honor at the last moment, leaving “King Joe,” along with owner Shoichiro Ito, 6, to scoop the prize.

Clearly, King Kabuto hasn’t seen the epic Sly Stallone/Pele soccer movie Victory where a group of WWII POWs choose to stay and finish their match against the Nazis rather than escape and lose. For Kabuto, freedom is everything it seems. He must be a Braveheart fan…

[The Mainichi Daily News]

01
Jul
09

Slight Chance of Impaling Seems Like a BAD Thing

Downtown Spokane, Washington is currently holding an outdoor basketball event called Hoopfest where they placed mini basketball courts on the streets. This slideshow from the NY Times features some great photos and even better captions such as:

Up to 10 courts fit on a block. Downtown Spokane is not exactly flat, so baskets are sometimes slightly uphill, downhill or on the side of a hill. There is a risk, however slight, of being impaled on a parking meter. That is life on the streets at Hoopfest, the world's largest 3-on-3 basketball tournament, now in its 20th year.

Up to 10 courts fit on a block. Downtown Spokane is not exactly flat, so baskets are sometimes slightly uphill, downhill or on the side of a hill. There is a risk, however slight, of being impaled on a parking meter. That is life on the streets at Hoopfest, the world's largest 3-on-3 basketball tournament, now in its 20th year.

Check out the full slide-show for some great pictures and again, hilariously interesting captions. Two more after the jump to help whet the appetite.

[NY Times] Continue reading ‘Slight Chance of Impaling Seems Like a BAD Thing’

01
Jul
09

Red Sox Only Play for Two Outs

As bad as Fernando Martinez’ play was, it pales in comparison to the absolute collapse of the Red Sox last night, best exemplified by this clip from the 6th inning when the entire Red Sox infield leaves the field, despite having recorded only two outs. Contrary to what MASN’s Gary Thorne says in the clip, Terry Francona this morning in an interview with WEEI said that it was all Pedroia’s fault, that he started running off and the rest of the infield followed.

I guess it’s a nice example of how much the team respects and follows the lead of the MVP, but you’d hope that he’d know the outs in an inning… Otherwise, I have nothing else to say about that loss. It fucking SUCKED. It happens. It better never happen again.

01
Jul
09

I Got It—- I Don’t Got It

Now, this isn’t so much to hate on the Mets, this time, for their poor play last night. Sure, there were a couple of errors, this one by Fernando Martinez was pretty embarrassing, but none was worse than Johan Santana’s throwing error at third following Ryan Braun’s bases-clearing double that enabled Braun to SCORE. Regardless, this misplay is just a nice addition to any future bloopers clip.

01
Jul
09

Swimmer’s Exposed Butt Forces Her Out of Race

swimmer-flavia-zoccari-wardrobe-malfunction-pic-rex-108904458At the Mediterranean Games yesterday right before the start of a 200M finals race, 22 year old Italian swimmer Flavia Zoccari was forced to make an embarrassing withdrawal from the race thanks to her swimsuit. The Jaked brand swimsuit, which features a special back-hinge, has been under controversy recently, first it was banned by the FINA the official swimming body, then, last month it was reinstated.

Jaked, who sponsors the Italian swim team was thus able to resupply the team with their specially designed aerodynamic suits. However, right before her race was about to start, the back hinge on Zoccari’s suit broke, leaving her butt exposed to the world. With no time available to change her suit, Zoccari was forced out of the race and reduced to tears.

I don’t understand why she wasn’t able to race anyways, so her ass is hanging out, like we ALL haven’t had to compete in a sporting event where every millisecond counts with at least one of our naughty bits hanging out. Or am I the only one on this one?

[Daily Mail]

swimmer-flavia-zoccari-wardrobe-malfunction-pic-rex-513751219




Follow The Slanch Report

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

July 2009
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Categories