Some Opening Day Doppelgangers

Opening Day means that the MLB Extra Innings preview is on, meaning I can watch games all day long. Ah happiness!

Watching the many games means I find many more doppelgangers, which means you win!

Also, not to get sidetracked but, I want to get the MLB package, except my goddamn Optimum cable service doesn’t have even ONE HD channel available. Optimum is the absolute WORST. I FUCKING HATE IT. I thought I disliked Time Warner, but compared to Optimum it isn’t even close. How can you not add ONE HD channel, Time Warner does it, DirecTV does it, Comcast does it. Why does Cablevision insist on being the WORST FUCKING CABLE COMPANY!

Anyways. Here’s the doppelgangers, as ever, please vote in both polls below and then visit the (RECENTLY REDESIGNED!) permanent doppelgangers page.

Once a part of one of the worst trades in baseball history, Jeff Bagwell went on to become a Hall of Fame caliber player, winning one MVP, and nearly winning two more. According to Bill James’ calculations, Bagwell is the 4th best first baseman of all time. He is also one of the few players in the modern era to play his entire MLB career with one team. Recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, James Hetfield fronts rock legends Metallica. Once considered one of the most bad-ass groups of all time, Hetfield and Metallica as a whole lost much of their luster after filming the documentary Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, where it was clear that the band was made up of a bunch of whiny complaining brats. Still, Metallica knows how to thrash, even if their image has been forever marred.


I acknowledge this one is somewhat laced with spite, but is also something I’ve believed for a while; Mark Teixeira has a horse face. Out to earn the most dollars, and proving multiple times in subsequent interviews that he is a duplicitous person, Mark Teixiera also possesses prodigious power in his bat, Gold Glove caliber defense and is yet to contribute in any meaningful way for a contender. He’s also now on his 4th team. Captain is the Texas Rangers’ mascot, a giant horse who wears number “72” honoring the year the team moved to the Dallas area. I guess the horse represents the gloriousness of Texas and its lawmen. I’m more surprised it isn’t a gun that shoots fireworks and pees liquor. Which would be a GREAT mascot by the way. Anyways, I find it hard to tell which one is the horse and which the man.


1 Response to “Some Opening Day Doppelgangers”

  1. 1 gretchenarchangel
    April 7, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Pfft – I thought that damn thing was a camel at first. Either way, TFF, and bang ON with the MT doppelganger!

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