Archive for November, 2008

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06
Nov
08

AL Gold Glove Winners, EARLY!

By slanch 5 Comments
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

Ooops! Looks like no one told the Sporting Goods Newswire that the AL Gold Glove winners weren’t being announced until 4pm, because they released the winners early.

AND THE WINNERS ARE:

P – MIKE MUSSINA – YANKEES
C – JOE MAUER – TWINS
1ST – CARLOS PENA – RAYS
2ND – DUSTIN PEDROIA – RED SOX
3RD – ADRIAN BELTRE – MARINERS
SS – MICHAEL YOUNG – RANGERS
OF – TORII HUNTER – ANGELS
OF – GRADY SIZEMORE – INDIANS
OF – ICHIRO SUZUKI – MARINERS
No real bones of contention here for me, I’m obviously psyched to see Pedroia win his first of many Gold Gloves and it hopefully won’t be the only hardware he takes home this off-season… The choice of Pena over last year’s winner Youkilis is disappointing but not egregious, especially when considering how many games Youk played at third this year and that Pena can definitely pick it. The only player who stands out to me as somewhat iffy is Michael Young, but looking at the rest of the league there isn’t anyone else that really stands out besides maybe Orlando Cabrera as equally deserving. That Derek Jeter DIDN’T win is a sign that I may start to believe in this award as being almost legit once more. Torii Hunter continues to ride his reputation more than the reality that he isn’t as good as he once was but again not an egregious choice. I’d have preferred to see Carl Crawford win it, or perhaps Nick Markakis but then again, I have no vote so I guess I don’t matter.

06
Nov
08

You Know What I Like About High School Girls?

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome, Football and Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

In a tradition that I can completely get behind, the senior cheerleaders at South Delta Secondary School in British Columbia, Canada every year at the final football game streak the field. With the Delta Sun Devils opposing the Lord Tweedsmuir Panthers of Lord Tweedsmuir Secondary School the senior girls streaked across the field, most wearing thongs and strategically placed duct tape and spraying silly string on their opponents. The Panthers were unable to regain their composure, ending up losing the game 20-14.

Ted Johnson, the school’s principal was less than enthused, having warned the girls not to do it beforehand, although that clearly didn’t work. As punishment for their disobedience, the principal has told the girls that if they do anything else bad they will be suspended, but otherwise are not in trouble. “Our position is one that we don’t celebrate this. We don’t find it funny,” he said. “We don’t take it lightly. This is a school. [In] schools, we hold higher ideals than we do in, say, the mall.” Let’s all take to the malls!

The students took obviously quite a different view of their prank. “It’s just kind of like a fun [graduation] prank for our year, and it’s been going on for a couple of years now,” said one of the girls, who wanted to be identified only as Rochelle. “It was pretty much out of fun.” I’ll say. Thanks Canadia!

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[CBC via Fan IQ]

05
Nov
08

Michael Irvin Says Something Intelligent?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Football, Random and Television
Tags: , ,

Michael Irvin is a blowhard, his opinion is generally useless but I find myself sharing the same sentiments of the folk over at Awful Announcing that Irvin was strangely and surprisingly very eloquent in describing his reaction to last night’s election. Take it away Michael:

What a historical moment that was last night. … From an African-American standpoint, I watched my people — watched my people — celebrate the not guilty verdict of O.J. Simpson. They were so hungry for a victory of some kind that they celebrated — we celebrated — the verdict of O.J. And I was thinking to myself, ‘Two people are dead. Two people are dead’ Now, I’m not talking about my people, I’m explaining them here. They were just so hungry to say ‘We have a victory.’ And I cringe when I even think about that.

But last night I watched a celebration. A real celebration. A real celebration, and it was a celebration for everybody, and everybody celebrated, and they kept showing this shot, and I was watching, of this little black girl and this little white girl, just sitting there crying together, and I thought, wow. I thought about Martin Luther King and his ‘I Have a Dream’ speech, and I thought about him saying, black kids and white kids playing together. …

Last night we removed all differences and became just one, and I thought that was a beautiful thing. It was just a beautiful thing. I stood here with my kids, we watched it and we cried and we prayed.

Well said sir. For one day I’ll heed your opinions.

05
Nov
08

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Awesome

05
Nov
08

Ocho Cinco Por Obamo

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Football
Tags: , , ,

Football fans were denied a moment of political partisanship this past Sunday as Chad Ocho Cinco on Dan Patrick’s radio show revealed that he had stashed Obama signs by the goalposts for a touchdown celebration. Unfortunately, the Cincinnati Bengals are hapless on offense and were unable to get Ocho Cinco into the endzone, despite two relatively close tries. The NFL is probably relieved though as they would have been forced to fine him and the “controversy” that it would cause would dominate the NFL news all week. Thankfully, the Bengals totally blow so it wasn’t an issue.

After the jump are some French people getting upset at touchdown celebrations in daily life. Maybe Chad could take some notes for new celebrations that WON’T get him fined.

Continue reading ‘Ocho Cinco Por Obamo’

05
Nov
08

Ryan Howard’s Hands Ain’t Totally Awful

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , , ,

Ryan Howard receives much criticism around these parts for his stone hands and lack of deft agility around the first base bag, and rightly so. He’s a butcher over there. But the folks over at Big League Stew via Home Run Derby came up with this clip that shows that he can catch the things that matter. Like a tossed beer can from the crowd during the Phillies parade.

Of course scumbag douchemaster Brett Myers tries to get in on the action and get a beer of his own, eventually Howard hands it over to Myers, who I’m guessing shotgunned it immediately before smashing it against his temple.

[Big League Stew via Home Run Derby]

05
Nov
08

Giant Man Loves Jonas Brothers

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , ,

Marcus McNeill is a giant of a man. He’s 6’7 and weighs 336 lbs and has been to the Pro Bowl his first two years in the NFL, so I’m not one to intentionally provoke him too much, but the fact that he is a giant Jonas Brothers fan is disturbing to me to no end. McNeill is one year younger than me, so it’s not like this is some generational thing that I can’t understand. Also, I can’t imagine he’s just making it up, because really, it’s not like saying you like the Jonas Brothers is going to get you laid. Unless you’re really into underage girls…Um, Marcus let’s not go down that road eh…?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Fan IQ]

04
Nov
08

Goodbye Sweet Meathook

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

Dmitri Young, MLB’s 2007 Comeback Player of the Year has been outrighted to the Washington Nationals’ AAA team in Syracuse today. Baseball without da Meathook just doesn’t make sense. Young, who has overcome being diagnosed with diabetes, as well as suffering through playing two seasons (well, parts of 2 seasons) for the Nationals deserves better. Having played for the Cardinals, Reds, Tigers and Nationals over 13 seasons Young’s teams have lost nearly 920 games over that time span, including 7 teams that have lost at least 89 games in a season. This to me is an outrage. If the Nationals are going to get serious about winning they should care more about their AAA team and not attach such a losing albatross around their neck. So long Dmitri, I’ll never forget heckling you during spring training. Vote Da Meathook in 2012!

04
Nov
08

Nascar Remains the Epitome of Class

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Other Sports and Random
Tags: , , ,

So you’re sitting in your RV surrounded by the Texas Motor Speedway and an estimated crowd of 170,000 people trying to enjoy the spectacle of some rednecks driving around you at high speeds when all of a sudden, BAM! gunshot to the arm. Sounds like a fun Sunday! For one lucky fan at the Dickies 500 on Sunday that was exactly her day. The 62 year old woman, whose name has not been released, apparently didn’t appreciate the gift that she received, “She immediately (screamed), ‘I’ve been shot. I’ve been shot.’ She took off running out the door,” her son-in-law Bobby Cook told Dallas-Fort Worth television station KTVT. What, you can’t take a long-distance rifle round in the arm and walk it off? I thought Texans were tough. The woman was taken to the hospital and was reported to be in stable condition, something I hope to one day also achieve.

04
Nov
08

Marshawn Lynch Gets Us All Horny

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football

With Brett Favre and the New York Jets in town, this week’s game was a big one for the Buffalo Bills to cement their place on top of the AFC East. The fans of Ralph Wilson Stadium were pumped up and emotions were running high. Of course, you know what happens when emotions run high, hormones start pumping. Hence the security officers responding to a disturbance in one of the ladies bathrooms during the game. In the stall? 29 year old Alicia Venneman and her 31 year old boyfriend Jeramy Kemper who were having sex. Ah, the cool crisp air of a Buffalo Sunday, the smell of brats and stale beer surrounding you and of course, the romance of a 35 year old stadium’s ladies bathroom, what better atmosphere could you want. Throw in the simple beauty of Marshawn Lynch’s grills and the handsomeness of Ralph Wilson and I’m impressed that Buffalo fans don’t ALL hump at the game. With raw animal magnetism like that being thrown around, I’d imagine that there should be thousands of new Bills fans in 9 months.

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03
Nov
08

Sometimes It’s Good to Be a Horse

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Hot Women, Other Sports and Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

"Screw all you poor people, I'm rich bitch!"

Times are hard around the country as the economic downturn continues to pummel the average citizens. Fortunately, times aren’t hard for everyone. Take for instance Mike Moreno of Southern Equine Stables who thought nothing about spending a record setting $14 million dollars on a broodmare at auction. Even more impressive, the bidding lasted all of 26 seconds! Take that everyone who got their home foreclosed upon!

The mare in question, Better Than Honour, is the only mare in racing history to birth two Belmont Stakes winners, Jazil who won in 2006 and then Rags to Riches who won it the following year. Not too bad I suppose, but worth $14 million? That’s one very expensive vagina. The answer however, was obvious to Moreno, who already owned 70 percent of the mare, “She’s the best mare in the world. … She’s a Picasso,” Moreno said. “You can’t sell a mare like this.”

03
Nov
08

Don’t Say What You See…Don’t Say What You See…

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Football and Television
Tags: , , , ,

Kenny Albert, during yesterday’s Titans/Packers duel seems to have gotten a bit distracted by the Titans’ cheerleaders while coming back from commercial. Sure, he calls the Packers the “Knockers” because he sees cheerleader boobs and that takes over his brain, I think we can all understand that. However, what is indefensible to me is who uses the word “knockers” any more? I mean c’mon there are THOUSANDS of euphemistic words to express sweater puppies, but Albert goes with an antiquated boring old man phrase. What is this, 1954? Stretch yourself Kenny, you’re a professional talker, you can do better than that!

[The Critical Fanatic]

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