Posts Tagged ‘Philadelphia Phillies



08
May
09

Mets and Phillies Fans Remain Classy

Citi Field isn’t officially the home of the Mets until the fans get into a fight with heated rivals. For example, here are some Mets fans squaring off against some fans of the Phillies after the game and after a Phillies helmet gets knocked off, it starts to get real.

The best part is the description of the video on youtube which reads:

Big Forhead jew gets rocked by a drunk mets fan……he also goes out with Courtney gower from cherokee high school

I’m not quite clear why that information is important, but there it is; the internet where every retard can say anything.

Stay tuned for more of my blog!


[Sports by Brooks]

03
Apr
09

Two Priests and a Rabbi Walk into Citizen’s Bank Park…

And all three men are there to pay attention to balls. As they did last season, the same 3 religious men were invited to the Phillies stadium to bless the balls that will be used on Opening Day. Since, clearly, God was on the Phillies’ side last season, it was a prudent move by the Phillies brass to bring back the same men, they seem to have God’s ear…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

For the record, I consider my own balls to be quite blessed.

05
Nov
08

Ryan Howard’s Hands Ain’t Totally Awful

Ryan Howard receives much criticism around these parts for his stone hands and lack of deft agility around the first base bag, and rightly so. He’s a butcher over there. But the folks over at Big League Stew via Home Run Derby came up with this clip that shows that he can catch the things that matter. Like a tossed beer can from the crowd during the Phillies parade.

Of course scumbag douchemaster Brett Myers tries to get in on the action and get a beer of his own, eventually Howard hands it over to Myers, who I’m guessing shotgunned it immediately before smashing it against his temple.

[Big League Stew via Home Run Derby]

30
Oct
08

The Perfect Gift for Morons

Immediately after the Phillies won the World Series up comes the commercials for crap from MLB and Sports Illustrated that Phillies fans MUST own. Sure, you might be a fan if you buy a championship t-shirt or hat, but that’s not the way to show you’re a TRUE phan; that would be by bidding on this auction on eBay for lucky rain drops. These rain drops fell only MILES away from the stadium and were collected in a metal bowl for sale, they are the “tears of the Gods & Fans Rain down upon a city so hungry for victory that the Tension is palpable.”

Currently available for the low low price of $8.99, it’s a BARGAIN and you’d be a fool not to own this piece of history. As the seller notes:

You are bidding on rain from the same storm system that brought the game to a screeching halt. It was collected no more than 5 miles away from Citizens Bank Park. It will be contained in a small vial and then sent to you via priority mail. I do not know what size vial or exactly how much you will get but it will be no less than 2 ml. I took a picture of the rain that I had collected in a pan that was sitting on my front steps. That is the only collection unit that I used so a very limited number of vials will be available & once they are gone, they are gone. Some will laugh but others will covet this tangible piece of history in the making…

With a description like that I don’t know how you could possibly pass it up. So if you’re one of the coveters you better bid soon, you don’t want to miss out this limited opportunity to own history. The seller hasn’t figured out a way to authenticate this rain water as THE Phillies World Series winning rain water, but don’t worry, it’s all real. If you don’t bid now you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

29
Oct
08

Brett Myers Remains a Scumbag

“I know there are people out there that think I’m a jerk. There are people out there who think I’m a wife-beater. That will never change,” says Phillies pitcher Brett Myers, referring to the 2006 incident in which he was arrested and charged in Boston with assaulting his wife, Kim. THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING WIFE-BEATER WHO BEAT HIS WIFE ON THE FUCKING STREET YOU ASSHOLE!

Myers told THE USA Today that had the Red Sox made the World Series he would have asked manager Charlie Manuel to rearrange the rotation so he wouldn’t have to start in Boston because the fans there were mean to him. For those of you who remember, Myers was arrested for HITTING HIS WIFE on the streets the day before he was supposed to start at Fenway and then pitched the next day. The fans in Boston were less than polite to him, rightly so, as he is a scumbag who is barely better than a child molester.

“But you know what, I really don’t care what people think about me. … If people don’t like me, they can deal with it. This is who I am.” No, clearly you DO care because you were too scared to pitch in Boston. Furthermore, if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be trying to defend yourself. You’d just ignore the question.

Myers lowers his head. He blinks away the wetness in his eyes and speaks almost in a whisper. “I just wish people took time to know me before they make judgments,” Myers says. “That’s all I ask. They think I’m this rude guy who doesn’t appreciate what I got. If only they knew.”

No, I’m sure you appreciate very much being in a position of wealth and fame that enables you to avoid serious charges against you because of your celebrity. I’m certain you appreciate that your wife dropped the charges and defended you, even though I don’t understand how she could. However, I will not, and no one EVER should feel SORRY for you.

  1. You don’t hit your wife,
  2. You DON’T HIT YOUR WIFE,
  3. Don’t be a scumbaggy douche.

“They say I dragged my wife by her hair,” Myers says. “Never happened. They say I kicked her and threw her around like a rag doll. Never happened. I never did anything to her. There was nothing on her face. I was actually trying to protect her and get her to her room. She didn’t want to go, and things got carried away. When you’re both heavily intoxicated, that stuff does stuff to you you’re not supposed to do.”

Who is they? The witnesses who saw you do these things to her on the streets of Kenmore Square? The rando people who had no idea you were a professional baseball player and had no agenda except trying to stop a man who is a foot taller, 120 plus pounds heavier from HITTING HIS WIFE. Yeah that seems likely. I’m so glad that USA Today took the time to try and give him a chance to speak. By which I mean they should be ashamed of themselves for trying to fluff over and let him make bullshit claims to try and right his image.

14
Oct
08

The Frying Hawaiian Strikes Again

Shane Victorino has been a pest these playoffs, with a huge grand slam in the first round and then being a catalyst towards a benches emptying standing around “fight,” but now he’s REALLY done it, he’s angered PETA. After revealing that his favorite food is Spam musubi, the Flying Hawaiian has irked the publicity whores over at PETA who sent him a letter about their recent investigations into the pig farm that supplies the manufacturer of Spam. “We suspect that the cruelty in every can of Spam will infuriate Shane more than a high Hiroki Kuroda fastball,” says Dan Shannon, PETA’s assistant director, in a note. “If Shane likes Spam a lot, he should buy tickets to the Broadway play but leave it off his dinner plate.”

Several things about this story interest me. One, Shane Victorino has poor taste in food. Two, who knew that Spam actually came from pigs! Three, PETA has GOT to get a life and get over themselves. Four, Don Shannon LOVES shitty puns. When the story was brought to the attention of a Phillies PR rep, the rep said he’d ask Victorino for a comment, after the World Series. After the jump is the letter from PETA, an organization that I wish would just stick to real animal rights issues.

And a hearty h/t to Philly.com for the “Frying Hawaiian” bit.

[Philly.com]

Continue reading ‘The Frying Hawaiian Strikes Again’

14
Oct
08

Manny Being Kinda Scuzzy

During warm-ups for game 2, here is Manny enjoying the sights. Particularly those of the teenaged Philadelphia ball-girls. Classy!

"That's just Manny being Manny, I'm a bad man."

[Fan IQ]

14
Oct
08

Matt Stairs, Who Knew

matt-stairs

Hammer it baby!

After hitting his game-winning home run last night to put the Phillies up a commanding 3-1 in their series against the Dodgers Matt Stairs, professional hitter–unlike the entire rest of MLB which features only amateurs–couldn’t wait to finish circling the bases and get to the dugout. It wasn’t because the portly gentleman was tired from running, no, he wanted to have his teammates hands all over him. “You want to get that one big hit where you feel like you’re part of the team. Not that I don’t feel like I’m part of the team, by no means, but when you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys, it’s no better feeling than to have that done,” he said after the game. Yowzers.

Other fun Matt Stairs facts:

  • He’s Canadian, EWWWW
  • He coaches a high school hockey team in Maine in the offseason
  • He refused to report to a Mexican Winter League team until the team owner agreed to fly in Burger King once a week for him to enjoy
29
Sep
08

Continuing the Celebration Mishaps

Here is Phillies erstwhile ace/closer/minor leaguer Brett Myers celebrating the Phillies clinching their playoff spot as the NL East winners. Myers, a noted feminist cum wife-beater, shows how he respects and appreciates women even more by showering local reporter Jamie Apody with a beer bukkake explosion. I love Myers and the other Phillies raiding the tub of beer like they are college sophomores sneaking into a party and putting all the beer in their pockets. Scared to drink champagne boys? Are you concerned that if you don’t pound Bud Lights as you spray them all over your teammates that people might start to talk?

[The Fightin’s via Awful Announcing]

11
Aug
08

Just Moyer Being Moyer

Vodpod videos no longer available.

How come when Manny Ramirez pushes down a 60 year old man everyone gets all up in his grill but when Jamie Moyer does it it’s fine? In case you missed it yesterday, here is the video of Phillies geriatric pitcher Moyer running the bases after an attempted sacrifice bunt turned into a two base error and ended with him up at third. There was no wondering if Moyer was running hard down the line though; he took out umpire Randy Marsh with a clean forearm shiver as he rounded first. Since Moyer, at 45, is the oldest player in the MLB that’s gotta be pretty embarassing for Marsh. Then again, Marsh is 60 years old so maybe Moyer should be the one embarrassed. Regardless, I have a feeling that it would be wise for Moyer to go apologize before the next time Marsh is behind the plate for one of his games…

[Fan IQ]

06
May
08

Old Man Moyer Just Keeps on Rolling

Max Scherzer made his debut last week for the Arizona Diamondbacks, snapping off 98 mph fastballs and filthy breaking balls en route to retiring the first 13 batters he faced, 7 of whom via the strikeout. After such an amazing introduction to the league, the Dbacks announced after that game that he would make his first start last night. On paper it seemed like quite the strange matchup, Max Scherzer, 23 years old, just a year after he was drafted up to start a game for the first-place Dbacks, career record 0-0, against Jamie Moyer, owner of 558 starts and a 231-158 lifetime record, age 45.

 VS.

Moyer throws in the high 70s when he’s on, which is roughly equivalent to how fast I can throw the ball. However, he works with pinpoint command and changes speeds very effectively so major league hitters somehow are unable to catch up to his various junk balls. Regardless, the baseball world was excited for this game and it was not to see Moyer’s 60 mph curve. No the interest was reserved for the fireballer who was born 2 years before Moyer made his MLB debut against Steve Carlton.  

Of course, since these games aren’t played on paper, Jamie Moyer not only outdueled the young rookie on the mound, but even managed to tag him for a couple of hits, a single and a double and an RBI. “I thought he was going to go for the cycle there for a while,” Charlie Manuel the Phillies manager quipped after the game; and why not, it’s not too often you see the oldest player in the majors catch up and scald a 94 MPH fastball into the gap.

Unfortunately for Scherzer, the Phillies came into this game with two of the hottest hitters in baseball and leading the majors in homers, and they showed no signs of letting up just because of the hype. After a 4-run 3rd inning, the Dbacks never had a chance to get back into the game, and as Scherzer’s pitch count climbed it was clear on this night he was beaten. Interestingly, nearly exactly a year ago, Tim Lincecum, a similarly hyped young power pitcher debuted, also against the Phillies and he had a similar game as Scherzer’s getting battered around by the big hitters of the Phils. Maybe MLB teams should avoid debuting their prospects against the Phillies…

So, for one day at least, age beat youth, craftiness beat power and Jamie Moyer cruised 7 innings with only 6 hits to his 232 career victory. It seems win number 1 will have to wait another few days for Mr. Scherzer.

One other interesting thing about Max Scherzer, he has two different colored eyes which is both really cool and really terrifying to look at. Check it out!

and after the jump, one more fun one just for kicks–

Continue reading ‘Old Man Moyer Just Keeps on Rolling’

26
Apr
08

Orestes Destrade: MILF Hunter

It seems that the only thing hotter than Jayson Werth’s bat, is his mom. On Thursday’s Baseball Tonight, while showing clips of the Phillies game, Orestes Destrade got completely distracted and overwhelmed. It seems that Jayson Werth’s recent power outburst (now up to 5 HRs on the season) was a little too much for Orestes to handle. That, or maybe the fact that Werth’s mommy is hot.

Check out how Destrade can’t get off how attractive Werth’s mom is, Steve Berthiaume tries to move on but Destrade will have none of that. Something about Werth’s mummy excites something in Orestes’ testes.

werthmom

Now, to be fair, Werth’s mom is pretty hot, especially for a woman with a 28 year old son. According to Werth’s wikipedia page his mom, Kim, was quite the athlete in her day, participating in the Olympic trials for the 100 meter and the long jump. Also, her father and uncle were both Major Leaguers, Werth’s birth father was a minor leaguer and her current husband, Dennis Werth, played 3 years of big league ball, so she’s a baseball gal through and through.

To be honest, my initial thought was that was his girlfriend or wife, not his approximately 50 year old mom, but, hey, I’m flexible.

My favorite part of Destrade’s comments were when he says that he hopes Werth keeps hitting home runs so that they have more cutaway shots to his mom. Classy! Hey Ms. Werth, call him! I smell a love connection. After all, Destrade does seem to fit in with your love of fringey MLB players…




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