Posts Tagged ‘Jared Allen

07
Dec
09

Al Michaels — Master of the English Language

Jared Allen is a nearly unstoppable defensive force, we saw his power last week when he ran roughshod over whoever was put in place to block him. Allen wears number 69 because you know, being a middle schooler forever is important, was continuing to be disruptive during last night’s contest against the Cardinals and Al Michaels figured it was an opportune moment to teach the kids about mutual oral love.

I mean, he’s right, but it just seemed a weird thing to bring up in the middle of a football game. Must have been weighing on his mind or something…

Then, when EJ Henderson breaks his leg in a decently gruesome manner, Al who must not own a thesaurus can’t stop from saying break. Whether it’s an “unfortunate break” or a “rough break” or it’s time for a commercial and so NBC will take “a break,” it’s time for Al to learn some new words.

[Sports Rubbish]

01
Dec
09

Jared Allen’s Motor (and Mouth) Doesn’t Stop

I am LOVING the NFL’s recent practice of putting a mic on star players for their games and then releasing it a day or two later. One of the latest to strap it on is the never-shy Minnesota Viking Jared Allen who has been nothing short of DOMINANT all season long. This clip gives a real nice impression of what he’s like on the field. That man does not want to be blocked, he just seems to manhandle whoever is in front of him. That’s quite a load.

28
Aug
09

Schisms Don’t Cause Burning When You Pee

While the Brett Favre circus continues in Minnesota, reporters have been asking various Vikings if there is a schism in the locker room with the-one-who-won’t-go-away’s presence. Noted intellectual Jared Allen had by far the quote of the week regarding the issue:

I don’t think anyone on this team knows what ‘schism’ is, let alone could use it in a sentence. I thought it was an STD when I first heard it and I was like ‘whoa, we preach abstinence in these parts.’

[Sporting News]




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