Archive for the 'Other Sports' Category

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27
Aug
08

What Happened to the Hot Beach Volleyballer?

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Hot Women, Other Sports and Television
Tags: , , , , ,

Florida Marlins scrub catcher Matt Treanor’s wife, otherwise known as the infinitely more successful, athletic and talented US beach volleyballer Misty May-Treanor, is going to be on the next installment of shlockfest “Dancing With the Stars.” People Magazine, bastion of fine reporting and fair analysis, opted to present this image of Misty to their readers so as to introduce her to them.

Sure, spending hours and hours in the hot beach sun can’t be great for you, but I don’t understand how she immediately became the bride of Skeletor either. Or why the editors felt that THAT was the image that was most necessary to portray May-Treanor. There are thousands of other really great images of her across the web, and not just the ones of her butt, her face features prominently in many of them too!

For example, here she is in full airbrushed glory:

And here she is in natural, candid photography:

Pretty nice if you ask me. Not the terrifying witch-lady in the first photo. But then, that’s me, and it is all superficial anyways. I just find it interesting that they chose that picture to be the one for May-Treanor. C’mon People, do a TEENSY bit more research than that…

27
Aug
08

Shawn Johnson Causes Disasters

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , ,

While en route to an appearance on The David Letterman show, Shawn Johnson’s plane was delayed because of her mere appearance. Apparently, upon hearing that she was on the plane the pilot got too excited and banged his head, forcing him to get stitches. Now, Johnson is cute, in that “I’m a chipmunk except  actual chipmunks are bigger than me sort of way,” but I don’t understand all the grown male attention being thrown her way, after all, she IS only 16… Regardless, you have to be at a pretty special point in your life when, as an airline pilot, the greatest moment is when Shawn Johnson gets on your plane. I have to believe that the other pilots at the airport bar will be constantly ragging on this pilot for the rest of his career, or at least they should be. Leryn Franco? Sure, get excited. Any of the other hot olympians, why not. But c’mon dude, she’s 16 and traveling with her parents. You really think you’re going to go back there, introduce yourself and she’s going to just fall for you instantly. And another thing, why are you so into gymnastics, the more I think about it, the more this pilot is getting more and more suspect. I definitely don’t want to ever fly on a plane with a man who gets THAT excited by a teenager.

Among the other crazed Shawn Johnson fans were the Chinese boys who held up signs proposing marriage to her from the upper tiers in the gymnastics stadium. Nothing makes a girl’s heart swoon more than a complete stranger asking her to spend the rest of her life with them. I find that asking always makes for more problems and denials, a small bottle of ether does the trick just as well and besides, who doesn’t like being chained to a radiator. It worked in Black Snake Moan right? I mean, I never saw it, but they fell in love right?

21
Aug
08

My Preference is the Rhythm Method

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Hot Olympic Women, Hot Women, Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , , ,

Gymnastics are always a crowd pleaser at the Olympics in terms of ratings, mostly because tiny, hot women who can bend their bodies in distinct ways are generally appealing to males. Almudena Cid is a a Spanish gymnast who performed in the rhythmic gymnastics competition, I have zero idea of how one is supposed to pronounce her name but I am able to recognize her hotnessosity. Any woman who is as flexible as she is is A-OK in my book. Cid, who is 28, has worked as a model for the underwear company, the Love Store and Nike, not to mention is one of the oldest gymnasts in the games this year and was not expected to contend for a medal at all, she is up there in the competition to become one of my future ex-wives though, so that’s a plus.

20
Aug
08

Her Name Was Lolo

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Hot Olympic Women, Hot Women, Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , , ,

Lori “Lolo” Jones is an American hurdler who has won several national championships and a world championship in her main event, the 60 meter hurdles. Also, before the games it was rumored that she was going to race a horse but it turns out that was a hoax. Despite clipping the final hurdle in the finals of 100 meter hurdles at the games the other night, she’s still a winner to me, and really, for all of us. Only 26, she may be too old for the 2012 games, but I think she’s going to come back and dominate. Born in the heartland in Iowa, Lolo is as American as they come, and I for one want to celebrate her as a wonderful American hero, preferably on a romantic dinner date to my apartment where I chloroform her and we live a happy life together forever.

19
Aug
08

Everyone Synchronize Your Watches

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Hot Olympic Women, Hot Women, Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , , , , , ,

I may have gotten suckered by my own dyslexia on a sham synchronized swimming story, but Jenna Randall, 19, of Great Britain is all real, and a tasty morsel for the eyes. She definitely has a Kristin Cavalieri-look about her, but unlike Cavalieri, Randall is actually talented so, there is that one big difference. It is also interesting that at one point, Randall counted Laguna Beach as one of her favorite television shows. When she isn’t in the pool swimming in coordination with others, she’s a student in college in England. I don’t think they do mixed teams in synchronized swimming, but I think she and I are the perfect groundbreaking duo and I’m ready to make history with her. Join us in the gallery below the jump as we get a chance to follow Jenna from birthday cakes to pole dancing.

Of course, for Jenna and all the other fine athletes of the day for these Beijing Olympics, check out this page for lots of fun times.

Continue reading ‘Everyone Synchronize Your Watches’

18
Aug
08

Beware the Mighty Gaydarski

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , , , , ,

After months of bilateral negotiations, Bulgarian human superweapon Krasimir Gaydarski has been deployed to Beijing for the Olympics at the host country’s request in order to help prevent any potentially fabulous protests while the games are underway. To maintain cover, he has been assigned a role as a mid-blocker on the men’s volleyball team. Thanks to months of undercover research, we here at The Slanch Report were able to bring you this story, at much personal peril.

No word on how this might affect the international Jonas Brothers futures market.

h/t to loyal reader mattraw

15
Aug
08

Everyone Must Get Estoned

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Hot Olympic Women, Hot Women, Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , , , ,

Jana Kolukanova, 27, swims for the Estonia swim team in the Olympics, although she also attended and swam for Auburn University here in the good ol’ US of A where she was a psychology major, when she’s not doing either of those things she remains incredibly hot. That is TRUE athleticism. So, continuing our Hot Olympic Athlete Of The Day progress, enjoy some of the finer moments with Ms. Jana Kolukanova, who enjoys swimming, thinking about me, and pining for our future together.

14
Aug
08

I Hope He Wins 50 Gold Medals

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: ,

Forget Michael Phelps, everyone else can just pack it in, Australia has the best athlete in all of these games. Ladies and gentleman, I introduce you to Kamikaze, an Australian cyclist. Born James Hildenbrandt, he legally changed his name to Kamikaze. I have no idea if he is a contender of any sorts for any medals but I’m going to say he’s going to dominate and destroy every cycling record that ever existed. Also, when he’s not cycling, Kamikaze is a boilermaker which is totally awesome. You just know that as soon as his events are done Kamikaze is going out on the town and getting rip-roaring drunk, like destructive drunk. We should totally party together. Kamikaze, come to NYC and we’ll have a great time!

14
Aug
08

Who Knew Badminton Was So Cute?

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Hot Olympic Women, Hot Women, Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , ,

Tania Luiz, a 25 year old Australian is competing in the badminton event in Beijing, and while my interest in badminton before consisted mainly of being drunk and playing it in my friends’ yards, with or without the proper equipment, now I feel like my interest is growing. Perhaps Tania someday will play with my shuttlecock and whack it around with a racquet. I mean, um, well, sigh, you know what I mean.

When she’s not on the badminton court she’s a student at the Monash University in Victoria, Australia; I need to get back to college so I can go there to study a broad. Unfortunately badminton athletes don’t usually get lots of publicity and so, despite her cuteness, there is a death of quality pictures available online. Hopefully this blog posting will catapault her into the world’s consciousness. Anyway, enjoy Cutie McCuterson Tania Luiz and the photos below as our quest to unearth all the fine athletes of the Beijing games continues.

14
Aug
08

We Don’t Swim in Your Toilet…

By slanch 6 Comments
Categories: Olympics, Other Sports and Random
Tags: , ,

Edna Jamanski is a top-line US synchronized swimmer, she started at age 15 and almost immediately became one of the top US athletes in the sport. So, when the Olympic trials were held in February it was widely assumed that she was an easy pick for the team.

“The girls were going through their routine, Chopin’s Ocean Etude Opus 25 No. 12 struggling to rise above the cheering crowd, when all of a sudden the pool started turning a bright, bright red,” Susan Jackson, Jamanski’s mentor said. “I know it’s crazy, but my first thought was Shark attack! How can we work it into the routine? But nope, it was just Edna, executing a flawless spin and pissing in the pool.”

An anti-corrosive, diethyl-ethanolamine, was blamed for the marking effect and, while peeing in the pool does not preclude one necessarily from being on the team, it was apparently enough for the selection committee to opt for someone else to place on the team.

“It was horrible. Everyone started calling me Redna, and no one wanted to swim with me,” Jamanski says. “I eventually had to quit. People can be so cruel, but I’m moving on.”

Now the teenager, who suffers from a hereditary incontinence issue is currently serving as a guest lecturer for the urinary incontinence group Go-Anon, and wants to someday return to the water with her own aquatic version of The Vagina Monologues which sounds like absolute TORTURE for an audience. She’s disappointed to not go to the Olympics certainly, but is taking it in stride saying, “Gold is nice, sure, but it’s so fleeting,” Jamanski advises. “Make your own gold every day, and you won’t go wrong.”

Also, don’t pee in the pool.

[Cap News]

13
Aug
08

Bump, Set, Hot

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Hot Olympic Women, Hot Women, Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , ,

We know the beach volleyball ladies are hot, as evidenced by here, and here, but their counterparts indoors can be equally as hot. Take for instance two young lasses I spotted last night, more well-known, Logan Tom (who has been on the FHM list of sexiest women and is also a beach volleyballer though not in the Olympics) and newcomer, tall drink of water Kim Glass. Here are a couple fun photos of them both and plenty more after the jump. Aren’t the Olympics exciting!

Logan Tom

Kim Glass

Kim Glass

Continue reading ‘Bump, Set, Hot’

13
Aug
08

That is Not Supposed to Do That

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Olympics and Other Sports
Tags: , , , , ,

My first thought on seeing this was of the All-Drug Olympics SNL sketch, but unfortunately for Janos Baranyai the Hungarian weightlifter who, in the 148 kg lifting competition suffered an awful dislocation of his elbow, the picture isn’t pretty, the video after the jump is even worse and this is all real. Enjoy!

Oh and how is weightlifting an Olympic sport? I mean, isn’t it just exercise? Couldn’t theoretically any of the athletes do the weightlifting competition? If Weightlifting is an event then shouldn’t the stairmaster be one too?

Continue reading ‘That is Not Supposed to Do That’

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