Archive for September 22nd, 2008

22
Sep
08

I Am Never Going Surfing

Jumping off the remarkable story of Spencer Trapp and his fortunate escape from paralysis, is this unfortunate story of an 18 year old named Peter Jessee and a freak accident. Jessee, a three sport star in high school on the soccer team, hockey team and as the football team’s placekicker. After his graduation, the Jessee family from Broken Arrow, Oklahoma took a family vacation to Hawaii. While on a surfing lesson with his sister Peter started to feel an excruciating pain in his back. “He carried his surfboard up to the beach and put it up and shortly he came up and flopped down just like boys do,” said Peter’s mother, Janet Jessee. “But then he complained his back was killing him.”

After a while he asked if he could get a massage but about 45 minutes into the hour massage Jessee’s legs went numb and he was unable to stand. He was taken to the hospital where doctors informed he he had suffered an extremely rare paraparesis known colloquially as Surfer’s Myelophathy, a condition that often happens to first-time surfers. The injury, caused from hyperextending one’s back, is similar to a stroke localized just in the back. According to wikipedia the majority of patients who suffer from it eventually regain their ability to walk but some remain paralyzed for life. Continue reading ‘I Am Never Going Surfing’

22
Sep
08

Cristiano Ronaldo and the Hooker With a Golden Heart

Being one of the best soccer players in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo of Manchester United is able to attract a multitude of extremely attractive women like Nereida Gallardo to his bedside. So, it is interesting to read this report from the News of the World where they uncover that his latest ladyfriend, a Brazilian woman named Fernanda turns out to also be a $3,600 call girl in London. I highly recommend reading the full article as it is full of hilarious moments, and also some NSFW images, so be warned.

After receiving a tip from a high-class madame, the News booked an appointment with the busty Brazilian beauty. During the two meetings that the paper booked she:

22
Sep
08

The Luckiest Kid in America Last Week

Spencer Trapp, an 18 year old who plays football for Superior High School in Nebraska is fortunate to even be alive after a recent accident on the field. During the second quarter Trapp make a play and felt a little pain in his neck.

“When I went back and twisted I broke my 5th vertebrae and twisted it almost into my spinal cord. It felt like a strained neck but you don’t want to go out with a strained neck,” said Trapp. Thanks to the expert training staff for his football team, no one thought he was seriously injured and so Trapp later went out in the second half and made two more plays before finally coming out of the game. Later that night after seeing a doctor Trapp was informed he had broken his neck and after a CAT scan he was rushed into surgery.

“I just couldn’t believe it when the doctors told me that I had a broken neck, I played a football game with a broken neck,” Spencer said. “For the trauma team and all the trauma doctors they don’t understand how I walked in there and how I’m still alive and how I’m not paralyzed.” Neither do I! The injury, which normally causes paralysis at best and death at worst has sidelined Trapp but he remains able to walk and is expected to make a full recovery. His teammates have since shaved his number 10 into their heads to honor him as he remains unable to play and works on his recovery.

22
Sep
08

The Nationals are Deadbeats

The Washington Nationals will be mercifully finishing their season later this week, closing out merely 30+ games out of contention for the NL East, although the good news is that they are only 28.5 games out of the wild card. To cap off their inaugural season in their gorgeous new government paid-for home, the Nationals are celebrating by not paying their rent. After all, why should they bother, the product on the field is gift enough! Ted Lerner, the owner of the Nationals contends that the stadium is not “substantially complete” and so refuses to pay rent until the changes have been enacted. The city collects sales tax revenue from the stadium that is supposed to help pay down the debt from the costs that the city already outlaid. Unfortunately, since the Nationals completely and totally blow, no one goes to the games. And really, why should you? The product on the field is miserable, barely able to beat anyone, as of right now the Nats are 58-98, thats AWFUL–although I’m pretty sure that half those wins came against the Mets… With the lack of actual fans paying for tickets and buying things at the stadium Washington DC officials are forced to use a special business tax fund to help pay the debt off, of course the fund is not supposed to be used for this purpose and cannot last too long. But Ted Lerner, net worth $2.5 billion doesn’t think he needs to pay off the debt that the city accrued for his benefit. Why should a man who develops real estate think that paying one’s rent be a good thing after all. First he gets his $611 million dollar stadium financed by the city and the residents of Washington DC and now Lerner decides to tell them to all go fuck off. Nice.

Here’s a thought, if you aren’t going to pay your rent why don’t you at least use that money to help your team get better, for example by signing your NUMBER 1 DRAFT PICK, Aaron Crow, or hiring a GM who actually makes GOOD decisions. If you know that a player wants a giant bonus you don’t want to pay, DON’T FUCKING DRAFT HIM. Or is it better to remain mediocre forever? Someone take control of this franchise away from these people. I think when MLB was mishandling the team that it was in better hands.

22
Sep
08

Hydroplanes Crash Neat

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I used to LOVE playing Hydrothunder a generally lame video game almost solely because I enjoyed the opening screen with the voiceover’s loud “HYDROTHUUUUNNNNDDDDEEER” announcement. So, in honor of that, how about an awesome crash of a hydroplane to get your week started? I thought so.

22
Sep
08

Bush Fiddles for the Celts

When the entire economy is collapsing methinks the executive leader of the nation should try to pay attention to the problem and focus on the issues at hand. Of course, that is not the way in which George Bush governs. So, last week as the financial institutions in New York were collapsing, taking thousands of jobs and billions of dollars with them, Bush was palling around with my champion Boston Celtics. I get that the visit to the White House is an annual event and that maybe Bush wasn’t able to avoid the issue, but when he addressed the issue he started speaking at 10:15 and was done and gone without even taking a question by 10:17. That’s 2 minutes! He must have been worried about keeping the much more important Celtics waiting. Doc Rivers waits for no man!

So, after avoiding doing anything worthwhile in actual governing, Bush met with the Celtics and spent significantly more than 2 minutes. During their visit Bush spent time joking about how he once owned the Texas Rangers, the chance to say the Celtics’ team motto “Ubuntu” in a Texas accent, and then spent time extoling the teamwork of the Celts. It’s good to know the priorities of this administration.

Why should our President give a shit, I mean, it is only the start of a global economic collapse. I guess because it wasn’t oil companies it doesn’t matter. I wonder this counts as Bush’s version of Nero fiddling while Rome collapsed. January 20th can’t come soon enough.

[Boston Globe]




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