Archive for September 23rd, 2008

23
Sep
08

Who Will Cry for Roger Clemens

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball and Douches
Tags: , , , , ,

Poor Roger Clemens, first he gets outed for his use of HGH and steroids in the Mitchell Report, then he further destroys his reputation by starting a defamation suit against Brian McNamee where details about Clemens’ alleged affair with a 15 year old girl come out and a host of other embarrassing and lurid details. Now, Clemens’ reputation is completely in the toilet, a man who should be honored as the best living pitcher is relegated to the outskirts because of his own illegal actions and no one wants to acknowledge him. Fast forward to Sunday’s fellating of Yankee Stadium and the honoring of the greatest Yankees at each position and no mention of the Cy Young garnering, 2 World Series winning Rocket. Alas!

According to today’s NY Post, sitting in his hurricane ravaged home, watching a battery operated TV and holding hands with his wife and mother-in-law, Clemens was “heartbroken” when he wasn’t even mentioned at all.

“Debbie and I held his hand while we watched the game, and he was heartbroken,” said Clemens’ mother-in-law Jan Wild. “Not mad. He still loves baseball and the Yankees, but it was sad what they did to him.”

Chuck Knoblauch, Andy Pettite and Jason Giambi all of whom were ALSO mentioned in the Mitchell Report were given their due at the close of the stadium but apparently Clemens was too much for the Yankees fans sensibilities. Instead he’s left holding hands with some old lady in possibly the saddest way possible. Also Joe Torre, who only took the team to 6 World Series and won 4 of them as well as making the playoffs every year he was in NYC didn’t even earn a mention either. Did he do steroids too? Do the Steinbrenners just really hate people who are anti-beating kids?

Regardless, Clemens was sad and that’s unfortunate. Well, not really. He’s a fat scumbag. But at least his mother-in-law still believes him when he says he never did steroids, so at least ONE person in America believes him.

23
Sep
08

100 Years Ago was Merkle’s Boner

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball and Random
Tags: , , ,

In honor of the Cubs’ second straight journey to the postseason as the NL Central division winners it is important to note that today is the 100th anniversary of the “Merkle Boner.” No, that isn’t what happens whenever you give German Chancellor Angela Merkel a massage; it happened on the baseball diamond in a game between the Chicago Cubs and the New York Giants.

Fred Merkle, then at 19, the youngest player in the league, came up to bat in a 1-1 ballgame in the 9th inning. With two outs already and Moose McCormick on first, Merkle singled moving McCormick to third. Then, Al Bridwell came to the dish and hit a single of his own. McCormick scored and the New York fans came running onto the field cheering, swarming the players and the field.

Unfortunately for the Giants, Merkle never reached second base because of the fans and had walked off the field. Johnny Evers, the alert Cubs second baseman noticed this and after retrieving the ball appealed to the second base umpire who then called Merkle out on a force play. Because it was a force, the run was thus negated and the game was to continue. However, with all the fans on the field it was impossible to restart the game and it was ruled a tie.

At the end of the season the two teams though had identical records and a one-game playoff was required. The Cubs ended up winning that game and then going on to win the World Series, which as baseball fans know, was the last time they won. Had Merkle just run to the base and touched second, the Giants would have won the game, won the division and the Cubs would be mired in misery forever, instead of just for 100 years.

So, honor Berkle’s Boner in any way you feel appropriate today. This might be the year the Cubs just actually do it and get past their demons and win the World Series. Although I don’t think they will. They may get there but I don’t think the Cubs can get past either of the Red Sox or the Angels, but if they play the White Sox or the Rays I think they have a real chance.

23
Sep
08

Damn You and Your Smoke Pot Friends!

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches and Football
Tags: , , , , ,

Vodpod videos no longer available.

John Herrera is a senior executive PR man with the Oakland Raiders and he took some umbrage at Mercury News columnist Tim Kawakami’s accusation that the Raiders organization is anti-head coach Lane Kiffin. Using the example of how someone on the Raiders staff, (according to Kawakami it was Herrera himself) handed out a recent ESPN.com article that was negative about Lane Kiffin to reporters, Kawakami asked Kiffin if he felt isolated within the Raiders organization. Herrera did NOT appreciate this line of questioning. After the press conference Herrera strode up to Kawakami and started belligerently yelling at him. Among his fun yelling claims was that Yahoo Sports football reporter Mike Silver is a pot head (OH NO!) and thus can’t be believed or trusted. Even when other reporters in the room tell Herrera that their paper’s received the anti-Kiffin article Herrera refuses to accept it. Way to really nail Silver’s credibility, I mean, if he blazes than certainly he is too stupid to even know how to read an article handed to him by a member of the Raiders. Besides, NO ONE in sports smokes pot, least of all the players, and CERTAINLY NOT on a franchise of such fine moral standing as the Raiders. I do however love the way in which Herrera tries to make it an insult, “so did your smoke pot, –smoke pot, –your smoking buddy Michael Silver.” BURN!

I simply cannot understand why this organization is doing so poorly. It simply doesn’t make sense to me. I see the behind the scenes things and it looks like one well-oiled machine. Sure, every week there is a rumor that that Monday the head coach will be fired. Sure the owner hates his head coach and regrets plucking an offensive coordinator from the college ranks who had no previous head coaching experience and giving him control of an NFL franchise. Sure the owner is a bat-shit crazy old man who shouldn’t be in charge of a Dairy Queen much less a major sports franchise. Sure their team is a collection of mostly never-wills and haven’t-beens but that doesn’t mean they can’t be successful right? Right? Or at least that’s what John Herrera believes I think. Anyways, that franchise is a fucking mess.

But anyways, so uh, Michael Silver of Yahoo, wanna hang out?

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