Posts Tagged ‘ESPN



19
May
09

It’s Just Like Kobe is Standing with Him on a Fake Football Field

I’m sure you have been watching Sportscenter and thought the same thing I have been, “This is nice and all, but wouldn’t we all be better served with holograms?” Well, ESPN has finally listened in to our thoughts (Disney has had that technology for YEARS) and given us what we wanted, and needed.

espn holoFrom Awful Announcing:

ESPN plans to expand on this technology by adding in “player cards” during studio coverage which will feature not only a 3D image of each NBAer, but also stats and bio information…Just to answer a few more of the questions I know you’re asking….yes the player will be in motion, and you can expect to only see them during a stand up presentation. Looks pretty neat, but it takes up a ton of the screen.

[Awful Announcing]

17
Apr
09

Who Will Yell at Me Through the TV Now?

Sad news for those of us who need to be yelled at by television personalities every day; after the NBA playoffs Stephen A. Smith’s contract with ESPN runs out and the two sides haven’t been able to come to terms on a new deal. Reportedly ESPN offered a significantly lower offer than he had previously been earning and Smith opted to walk away from the network.

I for one am disappointed, when he’s not yelling and trying to be a “personality” and is just a reporter, Smith is excellent; although recently he’s been replaced on the basketball beat by the likes of Tim Legler and JA Adande. I also miss the days when walking near Madison Square Garden I would constantly be approached by people looking to give me free tickets to go to a taping of Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith. I mean, I never went, but it was nice to feel wanted.

[The Big Lead]

21
Jan
09

ESPN Fails

ESPN must be trying really hard to make sure that their Sunday Baseball broadcasts are watched with the sound down next season. Watching the games was hard enough already with just Joe Morgan and Jon Miller, there is only so much inane talk that can be withstood; but ESPN is announcing today that they will be adding a third man into the booth, Steve Phillips.

The same Phillips who was fired as the Mets’ GM, the same Steve Phillips who has broadcast games for about two years on ESPN and is yet to add a cogent point, the same Steve Phillips who adds NOTHING to every baseball segment he’s been a part of since he joined ESPN. Sounds like a good plan to me!

Now, the Sunday games, which are supposed to be the biggest showcase of the game will feature a broadcasting team that will be completely unlistenable, I wonder if the Nielsen’s can register that the sound is down? What ever happened to the removing of Morgan from Sundays? Is there truly no god?

[Newsday]

05
Dec
08

NYPD Inspires Lots of Confidence

Plaxico Burress has been all over the news cycle this week, as everyone wants to, deservedly, pile on him. Now the case is in the sure hands of the NYPD who have been on the case since the instant it happened. If by investigating and handling the situation I mean they only learned about it by seeing the story “scrolling along on ESPN.” That’s a bang-up job there Lou.

14
Nov
08

The Perfect Gift

Worry no more about still very far off holiday gift-giving; ESPN has created the PERFECT gift for old and young. Whether you aspire to become Karl Ravech or merely one of those random ESPNEWS guys, this is the one and only gift you should be desiring. For ONLY 14.95 you can get the ESPN Sportscaster Mic, which will as ESPN describes, ” Fulfill your dream of being an ESPN announcer.” At last! Sure, most of my ESPN fantasies involve Erin Andrews and me in a mascot costume, but really who doesn’t also want to hold the vaunted ESPN labeled mic and be a part of sports. And with the Sportscaster Mic now you can! “With its built-in speaker, you can announce the game or make the calls from anywhere you want. Three modes of sounds, football, baseball and basketball make you feel like you’re right on the field or court for the big game.” I’ve been waiting for YEARS for there to be finally a speaker that can add in loud, unclear random fan noise so that I can truly be in the game. Plus, think of all the new friends you’ll make when everyone sees that you have the authentic ESPN mic. I know that for me, when I go down to the park and watch kids’ soccer games I won’t have to worry about the police being called anymore, now I can whip something ELSE out and everyone will be impressed and actually WANT to talk to me. So thanks ESPN! Oh, and if my interviewing techniques or game calling skills aren’t up to snuff, the mic also includes advice from real Sportscenter anchor Steve Levy. It’ll be EXACTLY like he’s there next to you, being your friend, in fact, he is contractually obligated to come hang out with you and be your friend on facebook, so, you got that at least.

[Fang’s Bites via The Big Lead]

27
Oct
08

There Just Might Be a God

According to anonymous reports in the Daily News there is a half-decent chance that this World Series might be the last work we see out of Joe Morgan on ESPN. Gloriously mustachioed Bob Raissman reports that his embedded sources tell him that Morgan and possibly also Jon Miller, will be removed from the Sunday Night Baseball broadcasts. Oh how I hope this is true. I simply cannot understand why a figure so polarizing, someone who I have NEVER seen a positive word about regarding his broadcast abilities has been allowed to continue being on national television. The game of baseball has passed by Joe Morgan. Sure, he used to be a phenomenal player, but as a broadcaster he totally blows. He never presents anything informative or interesting, he’s regularly wrong and he continually derides the modern statistics while sticking by stats that truly have no bearing on the actual ability of a player such as RBIs and wins. So here’s hoping that Raissman’s sources are correct, the sooner we can get Joe Morgan and his terrrifying cat eyes off of TV the better.

01
Oct
08

Kenny Mayne Actually Entertains!

I’m scared for all of us, but ESPN has produced something that looks like it might actually be fun and enjoyable and not a super crazy cross-promotional bullshit thing where we hear all about Pushing Daisies. At least so far. This ad, for the upcoming Mayne Street, the new Kenny Mayne skein is pretty hilarious, not least of all because it features a bunch of people I know, including my extremely hilarious friend Ben as Evan Mintz an ESPN boss. I hope I didn’t break the fourth wall too much on you guys with that revelation. Anyhoo, enjoy.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Awful Announcing via With Leather]

29
Jul
08

Sad Day For America

Pro Football Talk has the news that ESPN has chosen to remove Emmitt Smith from their Sunday NFL Countdown and America is the worse off for it.

Sure, Emmitt is a terrible commentator, he often seems totally lost, mispronounces or misidentifies players constantly, makes up words and generally says inane and uninteresting comments, but… wait, no this is all a good thing, there is no but.

Smith will still be a part of the 27-hour coverage of Monday Night Football (along with Trent Dilfer, yikes!) but his place on the Sunday Countdown will be taken by Cris Carter.

Here’s the official ESPN announcement:

Former All Pro wide receiver Cris Carter has been named an analyst for Sunday NFL Countdown (11 a.m. ET) and Monday Night Countdown (7 p.m.), ESPN’s popular NFL pre-game studio shows. In addition, Emmitt Smith will move this fall from Sunday NFL Countdown to the new expanded Sunday morning editions of SportsCenter (8 a.m. and 10 a.m.) where he will offer insight and analysis during NFL segments. Smith will also continue to travel to the Monday Night Football game site each week for Monday Night Countdown.

[Pro Football Talk via Awful Announcing]

26
Jun
08

Tim Wakefield Got a Lot Uglier

Tim Wakefield pitched a gem of a game last night, allowing 2 hits over seven shutout innings but his most impressive accomplishment was undergoing an intensive Face/Off operation immediately after leaving the game, changing identities with Randy Johnson during the 7th inning stretch. I’m going to assume it was done so that Wakefield could go undercover at the national Ugly Man competition while tracking some missing diamonds.

dsc01691

Wow, he really can do it all, first he was an infielder, than he became a very successful knuckleballer and now he’s also an international crime fighter. Awesome!

17
Jun
08

Marketing Can be Terrifying

Here’s a marketing campaign that ESPN has apparently been using, I’m guessing to advertisers but I don’t know for certain, if anyone out there does, please let me know.

Click the image to see it larger.

Regardless, I like the idea that ESPN gets you closer, but those eyeballs are terrifying and the packaging even more so. If I opened that box and a giant eyeball was staring back at me, I’d freak out. Did one of my friends get so high that he took his own eyes out? Is it a warning from the Mafia because of that shipment of flat screen TVs I stole from them? Is that sailor I “accidentally” killed with a tire iron on spring break sending me message?

Whatever, I want the baseball.

[Scaryideas.com]

05
Jun
08

Some Thoughts About the MLB Draft

It’s early in the MLB draft and I’ll have semi-liveblogging updates throughout the draft as things come up:

Continue reading ‘Some Thoughts About the MLB Draft’

04
Jun
08

ESPN Gives Us the Wrong Answers

I love Peter Gammons, I grew up anxiously awaiting his Sunday baseball notes column in the Boston Globe and think he’s the best. When I read his latest blog post, he mentioned how few big leaguers had come from the various first round drafts in the 10 drafts from 1995 to 2004. Now I love all drafts and some of the numbers seemed really interesting and bizarre, so I went and checked them out. It turns out that a lot of Gammons’ numbers were wrong. Once more, I think Gammons is totally boss, therefore, I choose to believe the errors in his latest blog post entitled “Three Draft Questions, Answers” are the fault of someone else at ESPN. (The article is a part of ESPN insider, and if you aren’t a subscriber the stuff I’m referring to is right here and here.)

(Players in parentheses are currently not on MLB rosters but have played in the bigs at some point this or last season and remain on the 40 man rosters)

Gammons says: from the 1997 draft, just 8 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: 10 of the 28 first rounders are currently on big league teams. They are:

JD Drew, Troy Glaus, Jason Grilli, Vernon Wells, Michael Cuddyer, Jon Garland, Lance Berkman, Adam Kennedy, Jayson Werth and Jack Cust

Gammons says: from the 2001 draft, 12 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: 16 of 30 first rounders are on MLB teams, or if you want to not include the troika of Jeremy Sowers, Brad Hennesey and Macay McBride all of whom who have played in the majors but are currently in the minors, than the number would be 13, still different from Gammons’. They are:

Joe Mauer, Mark Prior, Gavin Floyd, Mark Texeira, John Van Benschoten, Chris Burke, Casey Kotchman, Gabe Gross, Aaron Heilman, Mike Fontenot, (Jeremy Sowers, Brad Hennesey, Macay Mcbride,) Bobby Crosby, Jeremy Bonderman, Noah Lowry

Gammons says: from the 2002 draft, 17 first rounders are on MLB teams

In actuality: I have 18 first rounders on teams, but that is including Russ Adams who is not in the majors right now. However, since the numbers haven’t added up any other time not including guys not currently in the majors but who have played within the last year, I’m counting it. The big leaguers are:

BJ Upton, Adam Loewan, Zack Greinke, Prince Fielder, Jeff Francis, Jeremy Hermida, Joe Saunders, Khalil Greene, (Russ Adams,) Scott Kazmir, Nick Swisher, Cole Hamels, Royce Ring, James Loney, Jeremy Guthrie, Jeff Francoeur, Joe Blanton, Matt Cain

Gammons says: From the 2003 first round, 18 players are in the bigs

In actuality: I have 17 and this time without anyone currently not in the majors, although several players are on the DL. The players in the bigs are:

Delmon Young, Rickie Weeks, Nick Markakis, Paul Maholm, John Danks, Ian Stewart, Michael Aubrey, Lastings Milledge, Aaron Hill, Ryan Wagner, Brian Anderson, David Murphy, Conor Jackson, Chad Cordero, David Aardsma, Chad Billingsley, Daric Barton

Gammons says: The 2004 first round has yielded only 7 big leaguers thus far

In actuality: I have 9 big leaguers not counting the 5 once and future big leaguers currently toiling on minor league teams (Humber, Niemann, Sowers, Purcy and Fields). The big leaguers I have are:

Justin Verlander, (Philip Humber, Jeff Niemann, Jeremy Sowers,) Jered Weaver, Bill Bray, Billy Butler, Stephen Drew, (David Purcy, Josh Fields,) Glen Perkins, Phil Hughes, Taylor Tankersley, Blake DeWitt.

Again, I must say that I LOVE Peter Gammons, the highlight of one spring training trip was that he waved to us from about 50 feet away, and I was legitimately excited, like, for an extended period of time. Much more excited, in fact, than when Shea Hillenbrand signed a ball for me. So, therefore, I am blaming the copy editors over at ESPN.Com for putting the wrong information in the boxes. For shame ESPN and not Peter Gammons–who is infallible because he’s fantastic although sometimes he’s been wrong but not this time because it was ESPN and not Gammons’ fault because I love Gammons.




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