This guy and his kids LOVE wiffleball the most. Check out this video, not only have they built a totally awesome stadium in their front-lawn, but the guy who built it is kinda hilariously crazy, in a suburban Dad kind of way.
Also, I totally want to play wiffs in that replica Fenway stadium. You guys that made it, send me an email and let’s play!
The other day on Baseball Tonight, Steve Phillips broke down some of the differences in Travis Hafner’s swing to figure out why he went from 42 homers to his less awesome current 20 homer version. Of course, it being from Steve Phillips, not a whole lot of knowledge was gained. However, within the piece apparently the Worldwide Leader decided that it wasn’t enough to show Hafner’s woes, but they had to drag the good people of Cleveland into it as well.
Sure, Hafner has been struggling, but did ESPN need to show how he is driving this local denizen into a diabetic coma? This man just wants to drown his sorrows in a helmet of ice cream. We’ve all been there. I remember back in the Butch Hobson managing era for the Red Sox downing helmet after helmet, trying to wash away the acrid taste of his failures. It’s hard being a little kid sometimes. The guy above though is no kid, he’s just a plump midwesterner trying to forget. I wish ESPN would have let his secret shame moment pass into obscurity but alas, they aren’t that thoughtful.
Mr. Redlegs has been the mascot for the Cincinnati Reds for quite some time and he does quite the job for them too. He dances, he shoots t-shirt cannons, he carries around a giant bat and is always ready for a good Warriors-style brawl. It seems he has limitations though, among them, riding on the back of an ATV.
I have to imagine he destroyed some children’s imaginations when his head came off. I for one am angry because I always believed that Mr. Redlegs and Mr. Met were aliens from another planet where everyone had giant baseball heads. Now I’m starting to rethink that. I don’t know if I can ever return to those halycon days, I’m lost now, sputtering into the wind…
h/t to Bugs and Cranks
For the Chicago White Sox, losers of 7 of their last 10 games, anything that can get them out of their current slump is welcome. For manager Ozzie Guillen, a man for whom decorum is alien, there could only be one thing to help the team and awake their bats.
On Sunday, the bats were circled around the two naked female dolls, one of whom had a bat shoved up its pooper to prop it up. Each wore a sign over her breasts, one saying “Let’s Go White Sox” and the other reading “You’ve Got to Push.” Clearly Ozzie has gone to the Lou Brown school of managing, although, if you’ll recall, in Major League, they used a naked picture of their owner who was conspiring against them to bring their team together. I’m not so sure anonymous plastic dolls serve the same goal.
Of course, as soon as the news of these dolls broke, outcry immediately followed. Do not worry though, as Ozzie Guillen is very sensitive to these complaints and handled them in a very proper and mature (pronounced mah-toor) manner, saying
Everyone in the clubhouse, 100 percent of the people in the clubhouse, they are 18 years old and that’s a private thing. If the players do it in the dugout so everyone in the public could see it, or did it in the hotel lobby . . . we did it in the clubhouse. A lot of worse things happen in the clubhouse. I don’t really know why people are making it a big deal. If people got their feelings hurt because of that . . . they don’t really know much about baseball.
I couldn’t agree more. After all, I remember how Ty Cobb before every game penetrated a newsprint standup from the Sears catalogues. That’s baseball.
The White Sox have been looking around for anything to help their team, on Saturday for example they shaved the head of one of the coaches. So far no luck. If by the end of the week their slump continues the team may start shaving all their body hair. That’s baseball. Sox spokesman Scott Reifert said. “In terms of taste I think people would find it tasteless. They were just trying to get the bats going. Reifert addedthat players have “burned bats, kissed bats, slept with their bats, blessed their bats, you name it.”
Have they thought about signing this guy?
I mean, if they are really trying to get out of a slump, I can only imagine that Jobu would be a help.
A women’s sportswriters group was not amused though, claiming it made for an uncomfortable atmosphere for female reporters in the lockerroom. That very well may be, but Ozzie doesn’t truck with that, or care. “Well, whoever did it spent a lot of money…The clubhouse has been quiet the last couple days and I don’t like to see that. We have to stay at the same level of enthusiasm, no matter what happens.” What is most interesting to me, is that Ozzie’s concern was the money outlayed. He’s right, blow up dolls can be pretty pricey, especially for a high-quality one with realistic hair and synthetic skin, and really, if you’re trying to bust out of a slump, you got to go for the best.
Yesterday, Kenny Williams, the GM was admonished by Bud Selig and responded by saying, “I will assure Major League Baseball that the doll was not violated in any way, shape or form. In all seriousness, it is a little bit of a disappointment because we have proactively tried to — and just did so this spring training — organizationally, we brought in some people to discuss a better work environment, whether it’s gender issues or racial issues.” Clearly those discussions really changed some players’ mindsets.
According to rumors, Nick Swisher may have been the one behind the dolls, when asked if he regretted the move, Swisher rtetorted: “Why are you saying I did it?” Later, he added: “It was totally meant in a fun way. … It probably was wrong, but if anybody was offended by it, we sincerely apologize.” Hmm…Methinks these kinds of things would never have been a problem in Oakland…But then, that’s baseball.
The only remaining question is, who took the dolls, I mean, I can’t imagine that they were just tossed out into the trash, someone took those home, and someone is going to use them. I’d keep a close eye on the players who perform extra well in the next few days and I think we can unequivocally determine that that man is a doll fucker.
So, Gavin Floyd, who nearly pitched a no-hitter last night, you’re officially on notice.
Max Scherzer made his debut last week for the Arizona Diamondbacks, snapping off 98 mph fastballs and filthy breaking balls en route to retiring the first 13 batters he faced, 7 of whom via the strikeout. After such an amazing introduction to the league, the Dbacks announced after that game that he would make his first start last night. On paper it seemed like quite the strange matchup, Max Scherzer, 23 years old, just a year after he was drafted up to start a game for the first-place Dbacks, career record 0-0, against Jamie Moyer, owner of 558 starts and a 231-158 lifetime record, age 45.
VS. 
Moyer throws in the high 70s when he’s on, which is roughly equivalent to how fast I can throw the ball. However, he works with pinpoint command and changes speeds very effectively so major league hitters somehow are unable to catch up to his various junk balls. Regardless, the baseball world was excited for this game and it was not to see Moyer’s 60 mph curve. No the interest was reserved for the fireballer who was born 2 years before Moyer made his MLB debut against Steve Carlton.
Of course, since these games aren’t played on paper, Jamie Moyer not only outdueled the young rookie on the mound, but even managed to tag him for a couple of hits, a single and a double and an RBI. “I thought he was going to go for the cycle there for a while,” Charlie Manuel the Phillies manager quipped after the game; and why not, it’s not too often you see the oldest player in the majors catch up and scald a 94 MPH fastball into the gap.
Unfortunately for Scherzer, the Phillies came into this game with two of the hottest hitters in baseball and leading the majors in homers, and they showed no signs of letting up just because of the hype. After a 4-run 3rd inning, the Dbacks never had a chance to get back into the game, and as Scherzer’s pitch count climbed it was clear on this night he was beaten. Interestingly, nearly exactly a year ago, Tim Lincecum, a similarly hyped young power pitcher debuted, also against the Phillies and he had a similar game as Scherzer’s getting battered around by the big hitters of the Phils. Maybe MLB teams should avoid debuting their prospects against the Phillies…
So, for one day at least, age beat youth, craftiness beat power and Jamie Moyer cruised 7 innings with only 6 hits to his 232 career victory. It seems win number 1 will have to wait another few days for Mr. Scherzer.
One other interesting thing about Max Scherzer, he has two different colored eyes which is both really cool and really terrifying to look at. Check it out!
and after the jump, one more fun one just for kicks–
It’s a sad day around the world of baseball as the ageless wonder, Julio Franco has announced his retirement after 23 seasons in the majors and almost 30 years in professional baseball around the world. Franco, who holds the record as the oldest player to hit a home run in the big leagues, retires ostensibly at the age of 49, he announced in a statement from Mexico where he was currently playing.
Franco’s amazing career took him around the majors, playing for 7 teams, as well as several years in Japan, South Korea, the Dominican and Mexican leagues. Originally coming up as a basestealing shortstop, stealing 32 bases in his first full season in 1983, Franco later transitioned as he aged to a (semi) useful corner infielder, even playing some third base last year with the Mets before they released him and he briefly was picked up by the Braves once more. During his career he was a three-time All-Star, a 4 time Silver Slugger winner and was the runner up for 1983 Rookie of the Year to the immortal Ron Kittle. At one time in his career Franco played at every position in the infield besides catcher and pitcher. In 1991, Franco bested Wade Boggs for the American League batting title hitting a robust .341.
From his wikipedia page, here are a list of some of the records he holds,
Franco is the oldest player ever to hit a grand slam, a pinch-hit home run, two home runs in one game, and to steal two bases in a game. On April 26, 2006, Franco became the second-oldest man in Major League history to steal a base, behind only Arlie Latham, who accomplished the feat in a token appearance at age 49 with the New York Giants in 1909. On July 29, 2006, against the Atlanta Braves, Julio Franco became the oldest player ever to pinch run, when he came in for Carlos Delgado after Delgado was hit by pitch. On September 19, 2006, a day after the Mets clinched the division title, Franco started at third base in a game against the Florida Marlins. This was Franco’s first start at the position since his rookie year, an astonishing 24 years between starts at the position.
Famous for his legendary workout routines and eating a raw egg every morning, Franco ends up with 2586 MLB hits and a combined total of over 4200 hits counting his stints in South Korea, Mexico, Japan and the Dominican, joining Pete Rose and Ty Cobb as the only players to ever have that many combined hits in professional baseball history.
Now that he is retired, I just have one simple request, for years there have been rumor after rumor that Franco’s listed age was not his actual age, that in fact he was older than he admitted. When he came up as a young prospect this wasn’t such a big deal, but now that he’s retiring, it is time for him to come clean. I want to truly marvel at this man, and he should get his due. If he truly has been hiding his true age and he is in his mid 50s (as I suspect) then he should be truly celebrated for being the oldest player in the history of the game. If he was able to play this game at such an age than he is a marvel and deserves the recognition therein.
“It was the hardest decision in my life,” Franco said in an interview published Saturday in the Mexican Sports Daily Record. “I always said I would be the first one to know the exact moment. I think the numbers speak for themselves, the production speaks and this is the right moment. I understand that my time has passed, and the great men and athletes know when to say enough.”
Indeed and you are just such a great man. You will be missed Julio, you were a constant for my entire life as a professional baseball player and have accomplished some incredible feats across the years. So congratulations on a wonderful career and a life seemingly well-lived, long live Julio Franco!
The Washington Nationals have been battling all season, scuffling their way to a 14-18 record and ownership of last place in the NL East. They are also the proud owners of a dope new ballpark, but that hasn’t inspired their team to greater heights, so it seems they are looking around for any new options that can help the team. To that end, this is the latest, completely authentic, 100% undoctored version of the Nationals’ schedule for the month of May.
(ed.: the original photo was deleted and so I replaced it with this one, similar but not the same.)
In what manner are the Nationals going to play Indiana Jones? Broadcast it at the stadium? Actually challenge Harrison Ford to a baseball game? Can a team be made up of the stuntmen from the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular? Will they do the Stunt Spectacular at the stadium? Do I need to get these tickets through Stubhub or Fandango?!?
A hearty h/t to the good Eick of sogoodblog.com
At Saturday’s running of the Kentucky Derby the only filly in the race, Eight Belles valiantly raced to second place, but her near-victory was short-lived as in the process she broke both her front ankles and it became necessary to euthanize her on the track immediately. For those of you wondering why it was necessary to euthanize her because of her broken ankles, the answer is here. Of course, with such a popular event like the Kentucky Derby invariably a circus-like atmosphere can develop.
For example, the pre-race hullabaloo included making sure the Democrat candidates made their picks for the race. Barack Obama picked Big Brown, the favorite before the race, who did indeed go on to win. Hillary Clinton’s choice though was fellow filly Eight Belles. Not exactly the best omen for one’s campaign to present.
When the injury to Barbaro in 2006 occurred there was an outpouring of ridiculousness from all sorts of people across the world. Fan blogs, message boards, people sending gifts, and giant cards were just the 
beginning with the insane way people reacted, and overreacted to the accident that befell a horse. After all, in the end it is just a horse and this is no longer the 19th century and horses are unnecessary anymore except as rich guy status symbols. I love that these people who cared so much about Barbaro and somehow found inspiration or something in his attempts to recover could give a shit about actual people in the world. However, a horse that they never met, would never interact with, that could care less about you and your thoughts and that was the plaything of some rich people to prove how big their wallet-dicks are, was such a focal point in these crazy people’s clearly otherwise empty and pathetic lives.
As usual, here are some fine links to take you into the weekend, actually click these, they are good.
The Eagles announced their new cheerleading squad and included are these three hot sisters. Fun!
FanIQ has the dirtiest and weirdest racehorse names just in time for the Kentucky Derby. Neat!
Cueto versus Quato from Total Recall
Awesome tiger photos, because, hey, why not!
This douchebag is running for congress from Indiana and wants to protect the white women from the Pornocaust because black men are boning thousands of white women and infecting them with stds that leave them sterile.
Jose Canseco is a douche, we’ve established this, it seems though, that his bad luck continues to follow him. First he gets blackballed by baseball because he can’t hit a fastball or a breaking ball anymore and can’t play in the field, the NERVE! Now, in an attempt to qualify for US Weekly’s “Stars They’re Just Like Us” (using the term “star” very very very loosely) Jose admitted that his Encino home was foreclosed upon.
It seems that Jose’s manse, which admittedly seems quite nice, with its 7000 square feet and stylish front door design, has over $2.5 million owed on it. What the Surreal Life money didn’t cover that?
“I’ve been out of the game for about eight or nine years and obviously this [is an] issue with the foreclosure on my home,” he told “Inside Edition”.
“I do have a judgment on my home and it to me is very strange because it didn’t make financial sense for me to keep paying a mortgage on a home that was basically owned by someone else,” he said.
How very astute and responsible of Jose. Fortunately, he’s not actually homeless like most people would be after having their home foreclosed on, but he ain’t doing great neither. Canseco said much of the money he earned from playing ball went to pay for his divorces. “I had a couple of divorces that cost me $7 or $8 million.” Yowzers. Then again, if I had to be married to a ‘roid using, tiny dicked Jose Canseco I too would clean him out in a divorce.
Now to clarify, I don’t HATE Jose, I just think he’s a scumbag. In his first book, “Juiced,” I appreciated and believed the things he wrote about the various players who used steroids. And he was vindicated when other evidence came out about those players, but then Jose’s humongous ego came back into play. At that point it became about how baseball kicked him out for telling the truth, (not because he simply wasn’t good enough without the steroids and that his body was breaking down and his reaction time was non-existent) and about how Jose believed himself to somehow be the rescuer of baseball on some giant white stallion.
With “Vindicated” he seems to simply be making up stories for the sole purpose of selling books. That’s fine, but that’s called fiction, and he shouldn’t pretend he’s doing otherwise.
However, I am glad about this story about his home. Not so much because he lost his house because as toolsy as he is, that still is a major jones, but, more because I found out that Jose used to live in Encino.
It makes so much sense now! Jose is really just a caveman found and unfrozen by Paulie Shore and Sean Astin and who ended up becoming a baseball player! I can’t believe it has taken us this long to realize. Much like how “Vindicated” is fiction, Encino Man is cinema verité!
= 
The truth comes out at last!
The United States Navy has a long history of proud service, from its earliest beginnings through today the men in white have served with distinction and valor and done their nation proud. With recruitment numbers down across the board for the military thanks to the never-ending warmongering in Washington, the various armed forces have been forced to become much more creative in their suckering of new recruits.
The reason the recruiting numbers are down is because most people are smart enough to realize that the way the military has been deployed and employed recently, there is a decent chance of getting dead. But, if you’re the military and you still need bodies, there is one group of people almost always dumb enough to poach from, of course, I mean Nascar fans.
So, in order to try and attract new people to the Navy, rabid Nascar fans can join up and become a part of the Dale Jr. Division, a specialized training unit for 88 recruits, because 88 is his car number. ADORABLE! I can’t decide which is more depressing; that the military has to reach out to Nascar fans in such a stupid manner, or that the unit probably had an overwhelming number of people willing to do it. Most of them were probably unaware of anything to do with the Navy, “Huh, shucks, well, you mean that I get to meet Dale Jr? Sh-ee-ee-ee-it, (spit) hell, I’ll sign anything you want…” Now, from my ivory east coast liberalism tower, the fact that the military has to whore itself out in such a manner is embarrassing, then again, the fact that millions of people spend billions of dollars a year to watch some rednecks drive in circles will never make sense to me either.
I can imagine that there is no lack of people who are idiotic enough to take the chance to have anything to do with Dale Earnhardt Jr. since if you look at the fans of his dad, the late Dale Earnhardt, very little can surprise me. I’m obsessed with sports, I spend my entire day thinking about sports, but I would never ever do something as retarded as this, or this, definitely not this, and 100% never this, but hey, that’s just me.
Dale Jr. isn’t just lending his name though, “he’s going to go up and actually check on the company, the division, from time to time — I believe at the beginning, and then also at the end. So he’s not just going to put his name on it and then leave it alone,” Navy recruiter Eric Franklin said Wednesday at the Southside headquarters of Navy Recruiting Division Jacksonville. Wow. Great. Sounds like he’s really involved for these dumbasses stupid enough to sign up.
The only good thing this portends is that in the future we can look forward to many more celebrity affiliated military units. For example, these units are supposedly next up on the DoD’s list:
I can’t wait! It’s always a good sign when the military is digging deep into the barrel of Nascar fans for recruits. I for one feel totally safe and protected now.
The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
The Slanch Report 
Recent Comments