Archive Page 137

05
Nov
08

Ocho Cinco Por Obamo

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Football
Tags: , , ,

Football fans were denied a moment of political partisanship this past Sunday as Chad Ocho Cinco on Dan Patrick’s radio show revealed that he had stashed Obama signs by the goalposts for a touchdown celebration. Unfortunately, the Cincinnati Bengals are hapless on offense and were unable to get Ocho Cinco into the endzone, despite two relatively close tries. The NFL is probably relieved though as they would have been forced to fine him and the “controversy” that it would cause would dominate the NFL news all week. Thankfully, the Bengals totally blow so it wasn’t an issue.

After the jump are some French people getting upset at touchdown celebrations in daily life. Maybe Chad could take some notes for new celebrations that WON’T get him fined.

Continue reading ‘Ocho Cinco Por Obamo’

05
Nov
08

Ryan Howard’s Hands Ain’t Totally Awful

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , , ,

Ryan Howard receives much criticism around these parts for his stone hands and lack of deft agility around the first base bag, and rightly so. He’s a butcher over there. But the folks over at Big League Stew via Home Run Derby came up with this clip that shows that he can catch the things that matter. Like a tossed beer can from the crowd during the Phillies parade.

Of course scumbag douchemaster Brett Myers tries to get in on the action and get a beer of his own, eventually Howard hands it over to Myers, who I’m guessing shotgunned it immediately before smashing it against his temple.

[Big League Stew via Home Run Derby]

05
Nov
08

Giant Man Loves Jonas Brothers

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , ,

Marcus McNeill is a giant of a man. He’s 6’7 and weighs 336 lbs and has been to the Pro Bowl his first two years in the NFL, so I’m not one to intentionally provoke him too much, but the fact that he is a giant Jonas Brothers fan is disturbing to me to no end. McNeill is one year younger than me, so it’s not like this is some generational thing that I can’t understand. Also, I can’t imagine he’s just making it up, because really, it’s not like saying you like the Jonas Brothers is going to get you laid. Unless you’re really into underage girls…Um, Marcus let’s not go down that road eh…?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Fan IQ]

04
Nov
08

Goodbye Sweet Meathook

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

Dmitri Young, MLB’s 2007 Comeback Player of the Year has been outrighted to the Washington Nationals’ AAA team in Syracuse today. Baseball without da Meathook just doesn’t make sense. Young, who has overcome being diagnosed with diabetes, as well as suffering through playing two seasons (well, parts of 2 seasons) for the Nationals deserves better. Having played for the Cardinals, Reds, Tigers and Nationals over 13 seasons Young’s teams have lost nearly 920 games over that time span, including 7 teams that have lost at least 89 games in a season. This to me is an outrage. If the Nationals are going to get serious about winning they should care more about their AAA team and not attach such a losing albatross around their neck. So long Dmitri, I’ll never forget heckling you during spring training. Vote Da Meathook in 2012!

04
Nov
08

Nascar Remains the Epitome of Class

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Other Sports and Random
Tags: , , ,

So you’re sitting in your RV surrounded by the Texas Motor Speedway and an estimated crowd of 170,000 people trying to enjoy the spectacle of some rednecks driving around you at high speeds when all of a sudden, BAM! gunshot to the arm. Sounds like a fun Sunday! For one lucky fan at the Dickies 500 on Sunday that was exactly her day. The 62 year old woman, whose name has not been released, apparently didn’t appreciate the gift that she received, “She immediately (screamed), ‘I’ve been shot. I’ve been shot.’ She took off running out the door,” her son-in-law Bobby Cook told Dallas-Fort Worth television station KTVT. What, you can’t take a long-distance rifle round in the arm and walk it off? I thought Texans were tough. The woman was taken to the hospital and was reported to be in stable condition, something I hope to one day also achieve.

04
Nov
08

Marshawn Lynch Gets Us All Horny

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football

With Brett Favre and the New York Jets in town, this week’s game was a big one for the Buffalo Bills to cement their place on top of the AFC East. The fans of Ralph Wilson Stadium were pumped up and emotions were running high. Of course, you know what happens when emotions run high, hormones start pumping. Hence the security officers responding to a disturbance in one of the ladies bathrooms during the game. In the stall? 29 year old Alicia Venneman and her 31 year old boyfriend Jeramy Kemper who were having sex. Ah, the cool crisp air of a Buffalo Sunday, the smell of brats and stale beer surrounding you and of course, the romance of a 35 year old stadium’s ladies bathroom, what better atmosphere could you want. Throw in the simple beauty of Marshawn Lynch’s grills and the handsomeness of Ralph Wilson and I’m impressed that Buffalo fans don’t ALL hump at the game. With raw animal magnetism like that being thrown around, I’d imagine that there should be thousands of new Bills fans in 9 months.

+

=

03
Nov
08

Sometimes It’s Good to Be a Horse

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Hot Women, Other Sports and Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

"Screw all you poor people, I'm rich bitch!"

Times are hard around the country as the economic downturn continues to pummel the average citizens. Fortunately, times aren’t hard for everyone. Take for instance Mike Moreno of Southern Equine Stables who thought nothing about spending a record setting $14 million dollars on a broodmare at auction. Even more impressive, the bidding lasted all of 26 seconds! Take that everyone who got their home foreclosed upon!

The mare in question, Better Than Honour, is the only mare in racing history to birth two Belmont Stakes winners, Jazil who won in 2006 and then Rags to Riches who won it the following year. Not too bad I suppose, but worth $14 million? That’s one very expensive vagina. The answer however, was obvious to Moreno, who already owned 70 percent of the mare, “She’s the best mare in the world. … She’s a Picasso,” Moreno said. “You can’t sell a mare like this.”

03
Nov
08

Don’t Say What You See…Don’t Say What You See…

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Football and Television
Tags: , , , ,

Kenny Albert, during yesterday’s Titans/Packers duel seems to have gotten a bit distracted by the Titans’ cheerleaders while coming back from commercial. Sure, he calls the Packers the “Knockers” because he sees cheerleader boobs and that takes over his brain, I think we can all understand that. However, what is indefensible to me is who uses the word “knockers” any more? I mean c’mon there are THOUSANDS of euphemistic words to express sweater puppies, but Albert goes with an antiquated boring old man phrase. What is this, 1954? Stretch yourself Kenny, you’re a professional talker, you can do better than that!

[The Critical Fanatic]

03
Nov
08

Raiders Haven’t Figured Out Scoring Yet

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , , ,

In an effort to remind his players of the joy of scoring a touchdown, interim Raiders head coach Tom Cable had the team practice touchdown celebrations this past week, in anticipation of their game against the Atlanta Falcons. Cable has been frustrated by seeing his team coming off the field with too many field goals and not enough TDs and so thought this might remind his players of why they are on the field.

“Now we do a thing in practice, where guys run to the end zone,” quarterback JaMarcus Russell said. “Or we make it in the end zone, as far as the offense, [we] congratulate those guys, get used to doing it. The more you get used to it, the more you’ll be better with it on the field, as a team.”

The Raiders, who have scored only 1 first half touchdown all season, a 63 yard pass were hoping that this practice technique would help rid them of their field goal-itis. Good news! It worked! The Raiders did not kick a single field goal in this week’s game.

They also didn’t score a single point as the Atlanta Falcons shut them out 24-0. Looks like all that practicing didn’t help. Now I’m not football coaching expert, (though then again, neither is Tom Cable) but I feel like you end up getting more points if you practice the actual act of GETTING the points, rather than the post-points celebration. But heck, what do I know…

31
Oct
08

I Did It! Uh-oh!

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Other Sports and Random
Tags: ,

Don Doane has been bowling at Ravenna Bowl as part of the same bowling team for almost 45 years and on October 16, for the first time ever, he rolled a perfect game. When his teammates came to surround and congratulate him, Doane, 62, clutched his chest and then collapsed. He was taken to the hospital and pronounced dead of a heart attack. What a jones.

31
Oct
08

How Much Do You Want to Be on TV?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Random and Television
Tags: ,

I deride Americans for being willing to do pretty much anything to be on TV, but it is in Japan where that attitude really gets taken to the extreme. Take for example this crew of folks who agree to play soccer while wearing binoculars and what looks like multi-colored prisoner outfits from a cartoon. Makes sense to me.

31
Oct
08

Can’t Stop What You Can’t See

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Hockey
Tags: ,

Here’s a smart way to beat Martin Brodeur during a shootout, blind him with ice and then slip the puck past him. Genius!

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »

Follow The Slanch Report

 Subscribe to RSS Feed

twitter / slanchreport

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 20 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

April 2026
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  

Categories