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14
Nov
08

Times are Tough in Cincinnati

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Football
Tags: ,

The Cincinnati Bengals are woeful, their 1-8 record only belies their ineptitude. You’d think after so many years that the Bengals faithful would be used to it, accepting of their position as the bottom feeders of the NFL. Sure there was that one teaser year when Carson Palmer was good and the team was in the playoffs, but as has become quickly apparent, that was the aberration, rather than a sign of things to come. In a desperate attempt to no longer be laughingstocks, some fans in Cincy have bought 4 billboards around town with this message:

Good luck Bengals fans. You have another 15-26 year losing streak coming up. I suggest drinking. I find whiskey helps.

10
Nov
08

Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , , ,

Here is Minnesota Vikings return man Charles Gordon during yesterday’s game getting munched after receiving a punt. Pay close attention to the ankles. Yeowch!

07
Nov
08

It’s All Academic

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Football
Tags: , , , ,

Here’s something you never hear in college sports, an athlete choosing academics over sports. Myron Rolle, a safety on FSU’s defense won’t be playing in Saturday’s game against Maryland, which could decide the ACC’s Atlantic Division because he has an interview in Birmingham, Alabama to become a Rhodes Scholar. Rolle, who has a GPA of 3.75 and wants to be a medical anthropologist (someone likes watching Bones!) thought that this situation might come up, but for him, there was no hesitation, “this is a priority to me and my family. This is something really special.”

FSU officials are being especially supportive of Rolle, even trying to switch the game time to an evening game so that, with a private plane he might be able to leave Birmingham and possibly make the game’s second half and still play. The school received a waiver from the NCAA for the private plane, with Athletic Director Randy Spetman saying, “It’s not a competitive advantage or disadvantage for the player. This is what the NCAA is here for, to help the student-athlete excel in both the classroom and on the athletic field.”

For once, that’s actually true. I may hate college sports, but now I officially like Myron Rolle. Go get ’em!

06
Nov
08

You Know What I Like About High School Girls?

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome, Football and Random
Tags: , , , , , ,

In a tradition that I can completely get behind, the senior cheerleaders at South Delta Secondary School in British Columbia, Canada every year at the final football game streak the field. With the Delta Sun Devils opposing the Lord Tweedsmuir Panthers of Lord Tweedsmuir Secondary School the senior girls streaked across the field, most wearing thongs and strategically placed duct tape and spraying silly string on their opponents. The Panthers were unable to regain their composure, ending up losing the game 20-14.

Ted Johnson, the school’s principal was less than enthused, having warned the girls not to do it beforehand, although that clearly didn’t work. As punishment for their disobedience, the principal has told the girls that if they do anything else bad they will be suspended, but otherwise are not in trouble. “Our position is one that we don’t celebrate this. We don’t find it funny,” he said. “We don’t take it lightly. This is a school. [In] schools, we hold higher ideals than we do in, say, the mall.” Let’s all take to the malls!

The students took obviously quite a different view of their prank. “It’s just kind of like a fun [graduation] prank for our year, and it’s been going on for a couple of years now,” said one of the girls, who wanted to be identified only as Rochelle. “It was pretty much out of fun.” I’ll say. Thanks Canadia!

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[CBC via Fan IQ]

05
Nov
08

Michael Irvin Says Something Intelligent?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Football, Random and Television
Tags: , ,

Michael Irvin is a blowhard, his opinion is generally useless but I find myself sharing the same sentiments of the folk over at Awful Announcing that Irvin was strangely and surprisingly very eloquent in describing his reaction to last night’s election. Take it away Michael:

What a historical moment that was last night. … From an African-American standpoint, I watched my people — watched my people — celebrate the not guilty verdict of O.J. Simpson. They were so hungry for a victory of some kind that they celebrated — we celebrated — the verdict of O.J. And I was thinking to myself, ‘Two people are dead. Two people are dead’ Now, I’m not talking about my people, I’m explaining them here. They were just so hungry to say ‘We have a victory.’ And I cringe when I even think about that.

But last night I watched a celebration. A real celebration. A real celebration, and it was a celebration for everybody, and everybody celebrated, and they kept showing this shot, and I was watching, of this little black girl and this little white girl, just sitting there crying together, and I thought, wow. I thought about Martin Luther King and his ‘I Have a Dream’ speech, and I thought about him saying, black kids and white kids playing together. …

Last night we removed all differences and became just one, and I thought that was a beautiful thing. It was just a beautiful thing. I stood here with my kids, we watched it and we cried and we prayed.

Well said sir. For one day I’ll heed your opinions.

05
Nov
08

Ocho Cinco Por Obamo

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Football
Tags: , , ,

Football fans were denied a moment of political partisanship this past Sunday as Chad Ocho Cinco on Dan Patrick’s radio show revealed that he had stashed Obama signs by the goalposts for a touchdown celebration. Unfortunately, the Cincinnati Bengals are hapless on offense and were unable to get Ocho Cinco into the endzone, despite two relatively close tries. The NFL is probably relieved though as they would have been forced to fine him and the “controversy” that it would cause would dominate the NFL news all week. Thankfully, the Bengals totally blow so it wasn’t an issue.

After the jump are some French people getting upset at touchdown celebrations in daily life. Maybe Chad could take some notes for new celebrations that WON’T get him fined.

Continue reading ‘Ocho Cinco Por Obamo’

05
Nov
08

Giant Man Loves Jonas Brothers

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , ,

Marcus McNeill is a giant of a man. He’s 6’7 and weighs 336 lbs and has been to the Pro Bowl his first two years in the NFL, so I’m not one to intentionally provoke him too much, but the fact that he is a giant Jonas Brothers fan is disturbing to me to no end. McNeill is one year younger than me, so it’s not like this is some generational thing that I can’t understand. Also, I can’t imagine he’s just making it up, because really, it’s not like saying you like the Jonas Brothers is going to get you laid. Unless you’re really into underage girls…Um, Marcus let’s not go down that road eh…?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Fan IQ]

04
Nov
08

Marshawn Lynch Gets Us All Horny

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football

With Brett Favre and the New York Jets in town, this week’s game was a big one for the Buffalo Bills to cement their place on top of the AFC East. The fans of Ralph Wilson Stadium were pumped up and emotions were running high. Of course, you know what happens when emotions run high, hormones start pumping. Hence the security officers responding to a disturbance in one of the ladies bathrooms during the game. In the stall? 29 year old Alicia Venneman and her 31 year old boyfriend Jeramy Kemper who were having sex. Ah, the cool crisp air of a Buffalo Sunday, the smell of brats and stale beer surrounding you and of course, the romance of a 35 year old stadium’s ladies bathroom, what better atmosphere could you want. Throw in the simple beauty of Marshawn Lynch’s grills and the handsomeness of Ralph Wilson and I’m impressed that Buffalo fans don’t ALL hump at the game. With raw animal magnetism like that being thrown around, I’d imagine that there should be thousands of new Bills fans in 9 months.

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03
Nov
08

Don’t Say What You See…Don’t Say What You See…

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Football and Television
Tags: , , , ,

Kenny Albert, during yesterday’s Titans/Packers duel seems to have gotten a bit distracted by the Titans’ cheerleaders while coming back from commercial. Sure, he calls the Packers the “Knockers” because he sees cheerleader boobs and that takes over his brain, I think we can all understand that. However, what is indefensible to me is who uses the word “knockers” any more? I mean c’mon there are THOUSANDS of euphemistic words to express sweater puppies, but Albert goes with an antiquated boring old man phrase. What is this, 1954? Stretch yourself Kenny, you’re a professional talker, you can do better than that!

[The Critical Fanatic]

03
Nov
08

Raiders Haven’t Figured Out Scoring Yet

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , , ,

In an effort to remind his players of the joy of scoring a touchdown, interim Raiders head coach Tom Cable had the team practice touchdown celebrations this past week, in anticipation of their game against the Atlanta Falcons. Cable has been frustrated by seeing his team coming off the field with too many field goals and not enough TDs and so thought this might remind his players of why they are on the field.

“Now we do a thing in practice, where guys run to the end zone,” quarterback JaMarcus Russell said. “Or we make it in the end zone, as far as the offense, [we] congratulate those guys, get used to doing it. The more you get used to it, the more you’ll be better with it on the field, as a team.”

The Raiders, who have scored only 1 first half touchdown all season, a 63 yard pass were hoping that this practice technique would help rid them of their field goal-itis. Good news! It worked! The Raiders did not kick a single field goal in this week’s game.

They also didn’t score a single point as the Atlanta Falcons shut them out 24-0. Looks like all that practicing didn’t help. Now I’m not football coaching expert, (though then again, neither is Tom Cable) but I feel like you end up getting more points if you practice the actual act of GETTING the points, rather than the post-points celebration. But heck, what do I know…

30
Oct
08

Roethlisberger Hates on Cheerleaders

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , , , , ,

In this week’s Monday Night Football matchup the Pittsburgh Steelers are set to face off against the Washington Redskins but for players like Ben Roethlisberger this game won’t be a fun one to play. “I’m not a big fan of playing there because it is loud, they’re really good at home…” he told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Seems fair, I can’t imagine it’s a lot of fun having 50,000 people rooting against you and hoping for your failure, but then again, he’s a professional athlete and should be used to it. But wait, there’s more, that wasn’t the end of the quote! He went on to voice his real displeasure with playing the Redskins, “…they try to make their cheerleaders stretch in our tunnel before we come out of the locker room. That’s just not good. The couple of preseason games I’ve played down there, we’ve seen it,” Roethlisberger said, “It can be [a distraction], let’s be truthful. They’ve done it before. I’ve heard a rumor that they’re not allowed to do it anymore.”

It’s true, the league last year instituted a rule colloquially known as the “Redskins Rule” wherein the cheerleaders are not supposed to warm up in front of the visiting team’s locker room entrance. Since there are multiple entrances and such somehow the Redskins’ ladies are able to get around this rule. Meanwhile, for Roethlisberger their T&A is simply too much for he and his teammates to handle. Most players thought this ruling was an overreaction and unnecessary but clearly Roethlisberger disagrees. Hey guys, why not just play the game and THEN worry about banging the cheerleaders? You make millions of dollars, I’m sure you can charm them. So stop whining, take a peek and then go about your job.

29
Oct
08

Football Finally Comes to Israel

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Football and Random
Tags: , , , , ,

Because the Israeli baseball league did so well, New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft has invested money into the Israeli Football League, which will be renamed the Kraft Family IFL, sounds catchy. The teams will play many of their games at Kraft Stadium, a football stadium Kraft had built several years ago to help promote the sport. So far, the game hasn’t taken off too well. I guess it’s hard to get excited about someone throwing a deep bomb when there are actual bombs going off…I wonder if they call a Hail Mary pass a shema pass instead…and how in the world do players celebrate touchdowns if Jesus wasn’t there to get them into the endzone?

Man, I’m on FIRE! Anyways…

“I get a special feeling in my heart every time I hear Hatikva (Israel’s national anthem) sung on a football field, and hope to help this sport grow in this country,” Kraft said during a visit last year to Israel where he took in an IFL game.

A statement released by league commissioner Ben Friedman had this to say:

The Kraft family involvement will ensure a banner year for both the IFL and American Football in Israel at-large, and we’re excited to kick off our upcoming season with such a significant milestone,” IFL Commissioner Ben Friedman said in a statement Tuesday.

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