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30
Jul
08

I Want to Pay Attention But For Some Reason I Can’t

By slanch 11 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Hot Women and Television
Tags: , , , , , ,

How am I supposed to pay any attention whatsoever to whatever it was Kevin Burkhardt was blabbering about during last night’s game with this in the background?

I want to pay attention, I’m sure Kevin’s conversations with Jerry Manuel were very deep and profound but I just have this one vision dancing through my head every time they would cut back to him in this segment, I think it went a little something like this:

Some quick research finds out that this is one of the lovely and talented Marlins “Mermaids”, by the name of Glenda. Thanks to their totally kick-ass interactive site, we can find out that Glenda, who terms her fashion sense as “Classy Trendy” also “would describe myself as unique, adventurous, and ambitious.” Sounds spunky!

I know that I would pay much attention to Kevin whenever he speaks if SNY made this a trend…It certainly makes watching the Mets more interesting that’s for sure.

Join us below the jump for a couple more shots of the delightfully fun Glenda, or check out her gallery here.

Continue reading ‘I Want to Pay Attention But For Some Reason I Can’t’

30
Jul
08

Righty Reliever Simply Not Deceptive Enough

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball, Douches and Random
Tags: , , , ,

Julio Mateo is best known for…well, actually, Julio Mateo isn’t really known for anything on the diamond. He’s a scrub reliever who spent a couple years with the Mariners, never particularly distinguishing himself. He had one semi-solid year in 2005 and otherwise there is nothing noteworthy about his playing career.

These days he’s pitching in the SF Giants’ minor league system and was arrested over the weekend for passing counterfeit $100 bills. Mateo, no stranger to the lawman was also once arrested in May 2007 in a Manhattan hotel after he he admitted to striking his wife and was charged with third-degree assault which then precipitated his release from the Mariners system.

Reportedly, Mateo and a teammate were in a taxi on their way back to their Albuquerque hotel when he used the fake $100 to pay the $26.80 cab fare. The driver then tried to use the bill to pay his dispatcher but  after using a marking pen, they found out it was fake and so he drove back to the team’s hotel and called the police.

When police approached Mateo in the hotel and started patting him down, he immediately told them in Spanish that he “didn’t pass the bad money.” Probably not the best thing to say when they haven’t even informed you yet why they are there; methinks it smacks a skosh of guilt.

Although certainly not as much as the two stacks of fake $100 bills in his hotel room on the table that the police found upon entering his room, that more screams guilt than smacks. Mateo was taken into custody by the Secret Service and is likely to be charged sometime in the next few days. The Giants have yet to take any action against him, but it seems probable that his attempts to get back to the majors will be on hold for the next 7-10…

30
Jul
08

Katy, Texas’ Summer of Fun!

By slanch 13 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Douches, Hazing and Random
Tags: , , , , ,

“When a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl’s head, that’s just disgusting,” so says the sister of one of the Morton Ranch High School junior varsity cheerleaders and I couldn’t agree more. That was only the beginning for 14 members of the high school varsity cheerleading team who have since been accused of hazing their JV cohorts.

Traditionally the varsity team kidnaps the JV team and then takes them out to breakfast, which doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me, in fact, it almost seems like fun! Instead, this year, the 12 varsity girls, the team’s equipment manager and of course, the school’s mascot decided to do it slightly different.

(First off, what the fuck does the cheerleading squad need with an equipment manager, are there other things besides pom-poms? Are the girls not able to keep an eye on them themselves? Also, was the mascot wearing the costume the whole time? These are important questions and I demand answers!)

In order to welcome the JV girls to the cheerleading sorority, the senior girls duct-taped the JV squads hands and then threw them into a pool. They reportedly also were “flicking [the JV girls’] body parts,” which I wonder if is anything like flicking the bean?

School officials responded right away saying “The district is investigating an alleged off-campus incident possibly involving inappropriate behavior by certain students.” Sounds like they’ve really got it taken care of!

photo_servletMorton Ranch High School is in the Houston suburb of Katy, Texas, normally famous for housing steroids using uber-douche Roger Clemens. I’m sure he must be relieved to not be the headline in the local paper for once. The school also just got out from a fun teacher-student sex scandal that came out last week.

Continue reading ‘Katy, Texas’ Summer of Fun!’

29
Jul
08

I Swear I Thought I Saw A Nickel on the Ground

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball, Boston and Television
Tags: ,

Heidi Watney joined the NESN Red Sox broadcast team in late April and has since become something of a crowd favorite, mostly because she is a former beauty queen who is easy on the eyes and is genuinely interested in sports. The fine gents over at Red Sox Monster have an item today about a new fan-site for Heidi, which is all well and good, but is not the only Watney related place online. For example, flickr is rife with photos of her and some are especially interesting. Take for instance this one, entitled “Why cameramen love their jobs.”

Heidi isn’t up to Erin Andrews levels of fanboys yet, or even Hazel Mae, but a bit longer in the Boston market and she could be. In the meantime, let’s hope that the fan-sites thrive and we get some chances to appreciate her fine work.

29
Jul
08

Sad Day For America

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football and Television
Tags: , , , ,

Pro Football Talk has the news that ESPN has chosen to remove Emmitt Smith from their Sunday NFL Countdown and America is the worse off for it.

Sure, Emmitt is a terrible commentator, he often seems totally lost, mispronounces or misidentifies players constantly, makes up words and generally says inane and uninteresting comments, but… wait, no this is all a good thing, there is no but.

Smith will still be a part of the 27-hour coverage of Monday Night Football (along with Trent Dilfer, yikes!) but his place on the Sunday Countdown will be taken by Cris Carter.

Here’s the official ESPN announcement:

Former All Pro wide receiver Cris Carter has been named an analyst for Sunday NFL Countdown (11 a.m. ET) and Monday Night Countdown (7 p.m.), ESPN’s popular NFL pre-game studio shows. In addition, Emmitt Smith will move this fall from Sunday NFL Countdown to the new expanded Sunday morning editions of SportsCenter (8 a.m. and 10 a.m.) where he will offer insight and analysis during NFL segments. Smith will also continue to travel to the Monday Night Football game site each week for Monday Night Countdown.

[Pro Football Talk via Awful Announcing]

29
Jul
08

Around the Stadiums in 26 Days

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: ,

I know that I am super jealous of the summer that Josh Robbins has had. That’s because, in 26 days, he visited all 30 baseball stadiums to take in a game. He has submitted his accomplishment to the Guinness Book of Records besting the previous best by 2 days.

The native New Yorker who now resides in California began his trip in Seattle traveling 14,212 miles and spending more than $2,000 in gas. Don’t ask Robbins which stadium had the best hot dogs though, the classic ballpark fare isn’t something he likes, so Robbins survived on chicken tenders and pretzels along his journey.

During the trip he went to two games in a day 4 times in order to save time. He went from Seattle to San Francisco; Anaheim; Phoenix; Oakland; back to Los Angeles; down to San Diego; and then to Denver; Kansas City; Detroit; Toronto; Cleveland; Chicago; Minneapolis; Arlington, Texas; Houston; St. Petersburg, Florida; Miami; Atlanta; St. Louis; Cincinnati; Baltimore; Pittsburgh; Boston; the Bronx in New York; Queens in New York; Philadelphia; Washington; Chicago; and Milwaukee.

Along the way, seven friends or family members – including his wife, Su Karuppana, and dad, Jon Robbins – joined him to help drive and watch games.

“The most difficult drive was San Diego to Denver,” Robbins said. “That was one of the most thrills I’ve had driving. After the Padres game, we had 14 hours to drive 1,082 miles. We got to the first pitch by two minutes, every second counted. I still don’t know how [we] did it.”

Robbins managed to see some pretty cool games along the way, too. Continue reading ‘Around the Stadiums in 26 Days’

29
Jul
08

I See Red People

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Olympics
Tags: , ,

In order to beat the oppressive pollution conditions, Olympic athletes are looking around for ways to combat the haze and smog which can make visibility difficult. The British women’s field hockey team has taken an unusual approach so they can continue their run toward the gold, red contact lenses. Apparently the red provides enhanced visibility through the smog. After practicing on the Chinese island of Macau, the women found that with the contact lenses they could perform significantly better and their vision was drastically increased. Not to mention that it also is semi-terrifying, if I were the coach of that team I would insist that each of the players eat some alka-seltzer tablets during the game or pop blood packets and just let the blood and/or foam drip down the women’s faces, but then again, I haven’t been allowed to be an Olympic field hockey coach since the ’84 games. How was I supposed to know that if you hit a ref with a stick that they’ll go unconcsious?!?

29
Jul
08

Nice Form on the Stiff-Arm Tackle Though…

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Awesome and Random
Tags: , , ,

Yesterday in NYC the annual bike event “Critical Mass” went off with very few hitches. Except for when they rode through Times Square and 22 year old NYPD member Patrick Pogan took umbrage and tackled rider Christopher Long for apparently no reason. To add insult, Pogan then arrested the rider for attempted assault in the third degree, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct; he has been since stripped of both his badge and gun.

28
Jul
08

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Soccer
Tags: , , ,

This is terrifying, limbs are not supposed to point like that. It turns out that Aston Villa defender Wilfred Bouma merely dislocated his ankle and didn’t do any damage to the rest of his leg. I have no idea how he did that. He’ll be out for 4-6 weeks.

[With Leather]

28
Jul
08

In the NFL Running People Over is Totally Cool

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , ,

I don’t understand the NFL, last year if you were busted for jaywalking you could expect Roger Goodell on your door the next day with a 4 game suspension in hand. This off-season, Buffalo Bills running back Marshawn Lynch RUNS OVER A WOMEN WITH HIS CAR and the league has no problem with it.

Now, I do think that Goodell went overboard last year in being the new sheriff and trying to flex his muscle but based on the actions last season by the NFL commissioner’s office this seems like something they would want to do something about.

Goodell spoke to the press saying that because Lynch pleaded guilty to traffic violation, there wasn’t a violation of the league’s personal conduct policy. So, the league minds if your hanging out at a strip club or driving drunk, but so long as you plead guilty to RUNNING OVER SOMEONE, that’s fine.  Of course, Goodell doesn’t seem to think lying to the police is also a violation of the personal conduct policy, because initially Lynch denied he was even in the car and said it was driven by a friend of his.

I simply don’t understand what is going on in the NFL offices these days.

28
Jul
08

International Baseball to No Longer Resemble Baseball

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

In one of the more absurd rule changes I have ever heard of, I came across this item from Baseball America’s Jim Callis:

The International Baseball Federation has adopted a speed-up rule that will be used in international competition, starting with the Beijing Olympics. Beginning in the 11th inning, teams will open each frame with runners on first and second base. Additionally, to start the 11th inning, clubs can decide where they want to begin in the batting order (though they won’t be able to further reset the order in later innings).

“The upcoming Beijing Olympic competition may be our last unless we are successful in adding the sport back to the Olympic program for the 2016 Games,” IBAF president Dr. Harvey W. Schiller said. “We must demonstrate to the International Olympic Committee not only does our game belong alongside the other great sports of the world, but our sport is manageable from a television and operational standpoint.”

This has to be one of the most asinine rule changes ever. Also, it doesn’t seem like it will matter, as after this year baseball will no longer be an Olympic sport. I simply don’t understand how anyone could do something like this and think of it as baseball. Now, I’m all for making the sport more marketable and popular worldwide, but this is simply changing the game for the worse and makes no sense. This is supposed to be top-line competition, not Little League. Wait, I take that back, even Little League wouldn’t be this stupid. It’s one thing to have a mercy rule in international competition, which is also stupid, but arbitrarily putting men on base and then allowing you to hit whomever you like is just an awful affront to the game.

Ugh.

28
Jul
08

Don’t Breathe too Deep

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Olympics and Random
Tags: , ,

With the Olympics just a few weeks away, the news out of Beijing has been constantly about the problems facing the host city. The internet isn’t working properly, restaurants have been informed not to serve black patrons and a multitude of other issues have surrounded the upcoming games. No single concern though has taken over as much as the amount of smog surrounding the city, some athletes are not going because they don’t want to run in such poor quality, the equestrian events are now in Hong Kong because of health concerns, and the Chinese are working frantically to clear the air before the games begin.

This is what it looks like outside the main stadium, not an especially appealing looking view. So using that standard Chinese government openness, they have taken some steps to fix the situation. For instance, the city isn’t ALL bad, that’s why they’ve been putting up color billboards all around town to add color to the otherwise gray and drab cityscape like this image below.

Wow! I feel totally transported out of a disgustingly polluted city, how magical! These Olympics are going to be a shitshow, get excited!

Check out this gallery for more of these bizarre billboard/city mashups go here.

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