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01
Dec
09

Bad News For Fisting Fans

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Television
Tags: , ,

Chip “My father and grandfather were legends and the only reason I have a job in baseball is because of them” Caray and his long-time employer, TBS have “mutually” agreed to part ways after a post-season marred by miscalls, inaccuracies and a whole slew of balls fisted all over the field.

“Since the end of the 2009 MLB Playoffs, we’ve had several discussions with Chip Caray regarding 2010 and beyond. Both sides agree that now is the right time to move ahead on different paths,” the network said in a statement.

Make no mistake, this was NOT a mutual move, he got shit-canned. I can’t think of a single time Chip Caray has made a baseball game better. If his name was Chip Fister, he’d be managing a Home Depot right now.

That’s the way love goes.

[ESPN]

27
Nov
09

The Twins’ New Home Looks AWESOME

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , ,

If, like me you want to see the place where the Boston Red Sox will be winning their first game of the 2010 baseball season, or more specifically where the Minnesota Twins will be calling home for the next couple decades you’re in luck! Via the local Minnesota Public Radio station comes this slideshow “walking-tour” of the new Target Field and quite frankly, it looks DOPE. I’m more than willing to go to that first game if someone wants to buy me tickets and airfare. I’ll take care of a hotel on my own because I’m that good a guy. Click the link below for the full experience.

[Minnesota Public Radio]

24
Nov
09

Keep Your Hands off Keith’s ‘Stache!

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Baseball, Mustaches and Television
Tags: , , ,

Great news for those of us in the NYC area, the best three-man baseball booth will be in place next year. At the end of this miserable season, Keith Hernandez of SNY hinted that he might not be returning to the broadcast booth the next season. However, after negotiating his contract, reports are that Keith will be back through at least 2011.

His cohorts in the booth, Gary Cohen and Ron Darling are both signed through 2010 so, let’s hope this next season goes better for the Mets and this wild three-way never ends.

[NY Mets]

19
Nov
09

Jeter and Minka Take a Vacation Together

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball, Douches, Hot Women and Television
Tags: , ,

With his 5th championship wrapped up, Derek Jeter jetted off to St. Barts for a deserved vacation; while he should have traveled alone, he opted instead to bring his girlfriend, Minka Kelly with him as well. Doesn’t he know that she is supposed to be with me and not him?

The two haven’t been seen too much by the other guests but one enterprising photographer managed some shots of the two in the water. Ever the gossip-mongers the NY Post insists that the two are “coyly telling pals to be prepared for a wedding soon,” something they have touted with every single Jeter relationship. Besides, we all know that she would NEVER settle for him when there are sports bloggers available.

[NY Post]

18
Nov
09

Ride it Hard and Go to the Whip as Necessary

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: ,

That’s what she said.

The horse!

I want to put my money down for a night of fun with her, I just hope she has the endurance to go the distance.

18
Nov
09

Zack Greinke is Having the Best Week Ever

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Baseball and Hot Women
Tags: , , ,

In a stunning near-unanimous voice, the BBWAA actually looked past win totals in order to award the AL Cy Young to the rightful winner, Zack Greinke. The 26-year-old ace, who briefly left the Kansas City Royals several years ago after battling Social Anxiety Disorder was absolutely the best pitcher in the AL, if not all of baseball this year, and it would have been an absolute TRAVESTY had he not won it because of his low win totals. Put Greinke on the Yankees (please don’t EVER EVER EVER allow this to happen) and he’d likely have won 22-24 games, it wasn’t his fault that the anemic Royals offense scored 2 runs or less in 12 of his 33 starts.

Normally a player would be overwhelmed with excitement at winning his first (of several to come) Cy Young awards, but Greinke, who much prefers not to be in the spotlight is a bit more understated.

“Back in Orlando, I haven’t really got a whole lot of attention from people, which has been nice,” he said. “So I hope it doesn’t get that way, where everyone is like, ‘Oh, hey, Zack, hi.’ In that way, it’s kind of like a negative for me.”

This is quite the week for Greinke, first he wins the Cy Young and on Saturday he is getting married to his high school girlfriend, Emily Kuchar, who was once a Dallas Cowboy’s Cheerleader. Lucky man. Toss in the 4-year $38 million contract extension he signed in January and everything seems to be coming up Greinke.

Of course, he’s non-plussed about it all: A lot of stuff going on today,” he said, “when I usually just like doing nothing. But just part of life.”

[ESPN]

18
Nov
09

DJ Shows Up in Brown-Face to Sammy Sosa’s Birthday

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Baseball, Douches, Pop Culture and Random
Tags: , ,

Sammy Sosa has no sense of humor; or at least that’s what Enrique Santos — a radio DJ and the self-declared King of All Spanglish Media — claims after he was unceremoniously banned from Sosa’s birthday party before he even made it through the doors for showing up in brown-face. Santos arrived looking as though he’d perhaps put a bit too much bronzer on his face, and despite being an invited guest to the party, a publicist came up to Santos and told him “You can’t make fun of [Sosa],” referring to the embarrassing photo of Sosa where he seems to have been bleaching his skin, before kicking Santos to the curb.

“I’m currently using a cream which has darkened my complexion,” Santos tongue-in-cheek told her, “Ironically, Sammy is going through the same process, but the cream he is using is making him white.”

The publicist was not amused, “I explained to her that it was a special cream I was using that darkened my face and then I asked her, ‘How many women in here are wearing makeup?” but she wasn’t having it. Was I not white enough for Sammy’s party or have the millions gotten to his head–I mean skin?”

[Enrique Sosa]

13
Nov
09

Sign Our Petition to Have MLB Air the Dock Ellis No-Hitter!

By slanch 23 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Baseball and Television
Tags: , ,

Dock EllisIt is time for me to put my money where my mouth is — metaphorically that is, I’m not going to eat money, that’s far too extravagant for me — the Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly as worthy of being rerun as the Mark Fidrych games the network showed earlier this year just before Fidrych’s unfortunate death.

Please PLEASE PLEASE join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!

SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

[Air the Dock Ellis No-Hitter]

*(UPDATE)*

I received an email from the folks over at MLB Network, our petition WORKED — well, in that it attracted their attention — unfortunately, they’ve searched their archives and MLB does NOT have any footage of the game. Or at least that’s what they claim. I did ask for them to air the Dock Ellis game where he tried to bean all the Cincinnati Reds and was thrown out after the 5th batter instead. They haven’t gotten back to me on that one.

So, MLB may not have footage but there has to be SOME SOMEWHERE right? Spread the word, check your attics, we MUST find this footage. And to everyone who signed or passed along this petition, all 1200+(!) of you, I am most most most incredibly thankful. You’re all heroes in my book.

13
Nov
09

We Want to See the Dock Ellis Acid No-No

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome, Baseball and Television
Tags: , , ,

MLB Network emergence this season changed the way I watch baseball, their nightly coverage was simply phenomenal and made being a rabid baseball fan all the better. With the off-season underway and lots of airtime still to fill expect them to air many classic games over the next few months. I have been clamoring for, and I hope you will join me in this groundswell, for them to air Dock Ellis’ no-hitter which he threw on LSD in 1970. I have to imagine that the game is simply amazing to watch, (he can’t be any weirder on the mound than Mark Fidrych was…) they don’t even need to acknowledge or highlight the acid, it’s irrelevant, what matters is the no-hitter, and I want to see it, start to finish.

In the meantime, I’ll have to content myself with this great animated video from No Mas. Enjoy!

Awesome.

[No Mas]

13
Nov
09

Derek Jeter is a BUM!

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Celebrities, Movies and Pop Culture
Tags: , , ,

JeterJeterNoted thespian Derek Jeter was down on Coney Island yesterday filming a bit part for Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell’s new movie, The Other Guys playing a part that’s a bit incongruous with his normal image, a homeless beggar.

Wearing a silver wig, a dirty stained jacket and torn-up sneakers, Jeter gamely faced the wind and chill in the air to film his part outside Coney Island’s famous Nathans Hot Dogs.

Expect him to receive an Oscar nomination despite the fact that there were a slew of candidates with legitimate range available.

[NY Daily News]

10
Nov
09

You’ve Got to Be F&@king Kidding Me

By slanch 15 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Douches
Tags: ,

JeterErrorThe AL Gold Glove awards were announced today and Derek Jeter was awarded his 4th Gold Glove. 4, Derek Jeter has 4!!!! fucking Gold Gloves. The man who is a TERRIBLE fielder has won an award for excellence in defense 4 times. You have GOT to be fucking kidding me.

Now, I’ll grant that this year Jeter’s defense increased significantly but there is simply no way you can tell me that Jeter is a better fielder than Detroit’s Adam Everett, the Angels’ Erick Aybar, Baltimore’s Cesar Izturis or even Tampa’s Jason Bartlett. The guy who probably most deserved this was either Aybar or Texas’ Elvis Andrus (but he’s a rookie and probably hasn’t received enough publicity yet.) I absolutely give Jeter credit for working over the winter at his lateral movement and improving as a fielder even in his mid-30s, but going from the worst fielding shortstop to the middle ground still doesn’t make you good. Jeter still can’t go to his right, anything a few steps to the left is definitely out of his reach too, basically, you hit it right at him and he’ll get it, otherwise, all bets are off.

The Gold Glove clearly means NOTHING these days — that’s been true for several years now, since at least Rafael Palmeiro won one for playing 16 games in the field — it’s almost not even worth getting upset about.

However, the only reason I do get mad is that other morons then cite the Gold Gloves as PROOF that someone is good, it’s even worse than the people who think Wins are a realistic barometer of a pitcher’s ability, or RBI show how good a hitter is; they don’t! Gold Gloves are voted by the players and coaches and at this point I think things like the Cable Ace Awards are a legitimately more respectable award.

[ESPN]

10
Nov
09

Paul Lo Duca is Now a Horse Racing Handicapper

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball, Other Sports and Random
Tags: , ,

Paul Lo DucaIf, like me, you spend hours of your day wondering what former Nationals/Mets/Marlins/Dodgers catcher Paul Lo Duca is up to, good news! He’s been found, and it turns out he’s still active in the sports world, albeit not on the baseball diamond.

The former All-Star was all over the Santa Anita Racetrack this past weekend with the Breeder’s Cup races going on, gathering gambling information for TVG’s — a television network dedicated to horse racing that allows viewers to place bets via its website — coverage of the races.

“I’m really trying to give people a handicapper’s view, because, let’s be frank, most people are watching the shows to make money and I’m trying to give them value and find the angles,” said Lo Duca.

Long a horse racing fan, Lo Duca in 2002 first bought into the ownership game, with a horse he named The Weej after his father’s resemblance to Super Mario’s Luigi character.

“And that horse couldn’t run a step,” Lo Duca said.

He doesn’t have any ownership connection with this year’s Breeder’s Cup fields, although Mike Smith who rode Zenyatta to victory in the Classic is a good friend.

“I’m a comfort-level guy, and if I’m out of my element, I get into panic mode. But face it – I’m a gambler and I know the horses,” Lo Duca said, “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t have knowledge. The sport is fascinating, and there’s so many similarities with the competition. It’s neat to do this. Every time I go to the track, it doesn’t feel like I’m working.”

Lo Duca, 37, still thinks he has some MLB years left, although it appears the rest of baseball disagrees.

[Los Angeles Daily News]

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Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

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