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11
May
09

No Shoes, No Shirt, Enjoy Your PGA Tour Card

John Daly continues to ooze class out of his swamp-assed shorts; here he is giving an interview while playing golf shirtless and shoeless at a place called Murder Rock Golf Club.

On a side note, why name a place “Murder Rock,” doesn’t come off as very family-friendly…

11
May
09

Without Boner Ads I Wouldn’t Know About Priapism

MassiveErectionYou may — or may not — have heard that America is waist-deep in a recession; that we are currently engaged in two wars, neither of which show signs of letting up anytime soon and those are just some of the many issues facing our elected representatives in Congress.

So, with all these big issues on the table, I’m glad to hear that Congressman Bill Brady from Pennsylvania is making strides to fix the things that are truly wrong in this country. Brady has introduced a bill that would ban all Viagra, Cialis, and male sexual enhancement product adds on TV and radio from 6 am to 10 pm. FINALLY!

The reason for this piece of legislation?

I’m watching TV with my two granddaughters and it was a little embarrassing and I think it was bad that they asked me, ‘What is erectile dysfunction?’ And I stumble along and they’re too young to understand it and they’re much too young to learn about the birds and the bees yet….If they’re on a show and you don’t want your kids to see a certain show, you don’t put that show on, but you can’t control when the commercials come on. I think that it’s the wrong place, on a Saturday afternoon and a Sunday afternoon, these shows are dominated [by these commercials].

Brady knows, of course, that this isn’t the most important issue facing the nation right now but at the same time, children are hearing words like “ERECTILE” on TELEVISION!

I’m worried about other things too but we can do more than one thing at a time. It isn’t like Viagra is all I’m worried about. This is another thing that I think will help the family get back together, where you can sit down and watch a TV show or watch a sporting event with your children, with your family on a Sunday afternoon and not have to put up with explaining what a male enhancement is or what is an erectile dysfunction.

Want to explain things to your grandkids? Tell them that the pharmaceutical companies discovered that they could make more money by making adults have more “happy time” rather than providing cures, preventions or vaccinations that the public as a whole needs. Tell them that the profit margin in making Grampa’s boner go “boing” is much better than helping the millions of people who have come to rely on the overly-exorbitant priced prescription pills despite there being the exact same pills for a quarter of the price located just over the Canadian border. Tell the kids its about greed and avarice. They’ll understand that. It’s the American way!

If we didn’t have boner pill ads we wouldn’t hear about Priapism, which I love because it is named after the Greek god Priapus from the myth that he was punished by the other gods for attempting to rape a goddess, by being given a huge, but useless, set of wooden genitals. Now that’s something I can get behind!

[Sports Radio Interviews]

11
May
09

Because Lesbo McMuff Wasn’t Available

1244360Stephen F. Austin University made a hiring last week for their women’s softball team, bringing in new head coach Gay McNutt who spent the last 7 years at Southern Miss.

McNutt’s teams have won five conference championships and finished in the league’s Top 5 on three other occasions, with four NCAA Regional Tournament appearances.

“I’m very pleased to announce Gay McNutt as our new softball coach,” Athletic Director Robert Hill said. “Coach McNutt has already proven she can win in the Southland Conference, and I think she is the person who will turn our softball program into a conference power.”

[SFA Jacks ]

11
May
09

Ken Griffey is Good at Following Instructions

picasion.com_c425ef58619a6491a4443a53af4ee6beDuring yesterday’s tilt against the Minnesota Twins, Ken Griffey Jr. went deep for the third time this year, and in the process won one lucky fan $25,000 thanks to hitting his homer into the Subway Hit it Here sign hanging in the Metrodome.

Of course, Griffey has practice at this sort of thing like in this commercial from his first tour with the Mariners.

That commercial is so old that he’s hitting balls out of the KINGDOME. Awesome.

Also, apologies on having to use an animated gif, but MLB still doesn’t allow anyone to share or embed their videos at all, which is nothing less of infuriating.

08
May
09

It’s a Sport if You Do it Vigorously

It is little surprise that an event like 9th annual Masturbate-a-thon is held in a city like San Francisco; anything goes there! But, at the Center for Sex and Culture on Mission Street that’s exactly what happened last weekend. Among the luminaries in attendance was World Champion Masanobu Sato (right) who flew in from Japan for the event, where he attempted to beat his own record from last year of 9 hours and 33 minutes. 9 HOURS! Yowza.

After the jump some NSFW pics from inside the event and of course, you can see the full set HERE courtesy of the SF Weekly.

[SF Weekly via With Leather]

Continue reading ‘It’s a Sport if You Do it Vigorously’

08
May
09

I Love You, Man

Sports bring people together, fans and players both. While the competition on the field/court/whatever may be fierce, when the final whistle blows or the last run crosses the plate the players just become people once more. This slideshow, assembled by WCCO in Minnesota/St Paul features some of the finest moments of athletes hugging one another, and I’ll be honest, most of them look like they are about to kiss. It’s pretty exciting.

08
May
09

And Your Next American Idol IS…!

Mike Tyson, in Vegas, sings Phil Collins. Need I say more? The video below requires you to put your (or someone else’s) age in because of some swear words in the clip. But seriously, see that first sentence and tell me it isn’t worth it.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Fan IQ]

08
May
09

Mets and Phillies Fans Remain Classy

Citi Field isn’t officially the home of the Mets until the fans get into a fight with heated rivals. For example, here are some Mets fans squaring off against some fans of the Phillies after the game and after a Phillies helmet gets knocked off, it starts to get real.

The best part is the description of the video on youtube which reads:

Big Forhead jew gets rocked by a drunk mets fan……he also goes out with Courtney gower from cherokee high school

I’m not quite clear why that information is important, but there it is; the internet where every retard can say anything.

Stay tuned for more of my blog!


[Sports by Brooks]

08
May
09

Ladies, the Line Forms to the Right

4730322Zaza Enden, forward/center/head coach for second division Akçakoca Poyrazspor in Düzce, Turkey received an interesting phone call the other day; it seems that his Russian uncle had died, leaving a $100 million inheritance for Enden. But if sitcoms have taught us nothing, inheritances come with a cost. No, Enden doesn’t need to spend the night in a haunted mansion; instead he needs to get married, and stay married for 5 years in order to fulfill the conditions his uncle set up.

The inheritance, which Enden claims is not cash but rather shopping centers, residences and other real estate, Enden wants to utilize the money to purchase his own basketball club and compete in the Euroleague.

Of course, since Enden is known for his theatrics to promote himself and his team, and hasn’t played top-level basketball for several years, there is just as good a possibility that this is all a hoax. But hey, it’s Friday!

[Basketbawful]

08
May
09

Alex Ovechkin Sings Along

At the Capitals/Penguins tilt the other night, the Washington crowd sang along to pederast Gary Glitter’s Rock and Roll Part 2, adding in their usual “You Suck” cheer after every “Hey” in the song. Alex Ovechkin, on the bench during the song joins in; take that Sidney Crosby, AO said you suck!

08
May
09

This I Cannot Do

If you’re going to be good at something, Parkour isn’t a bad thing to be proficient in. Here’s Levi Meeuwenberg, an actual professional parkourist’s reel featuring some of his better stuff. Enjoy!

[With Leather]

08
May
09

This Pitch Made Him Want to Cry

Japan Angels and DemonsIt should be required that if you star in a baseball related movie, even if you don’t play in the film, that you should be capable of throwing the ball. Tom Hanks, currently in Japan with Ron Howard to promote their abomination Angels and Demons — the ending to which Ron Darling revealed during the Mets game the other day — was invited to throw the first pitch between the Yomiuri Giants and Chunichi Dragons. Ron Howard lined up behind the plate, and despite taking several warm-up tosses in the bullpen prior, Hanks’ pitch bounced several feet in front of the plate.

“Tons of practice and I bounced it in the dirt, I’m humiliated” Hanks said. “I went from the rush of being in the sacred spot to the humiliation of being mortal.”

Hanks said he has been impressed with Japanese baseball over the years.

“I think it’s a great game,” said Hanks. “I think a lot of the teams could compete (with major league teams) but I’ve only seen one game.”

[AP]




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