Author Archive for

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »
28
Oct
09

Real Madrid Gets CRUSHED by Third Division Club

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Soccer
Tags: , , , ,

192445_alcorcon_raul_dest_2Real Madrid, which boasts a payroll over $600 million, squared off against Alcoran, a third-division club in the King’s Cup on Tuesday. Despite being one of the premier soccer clubs in the world Real was defeated handily, 4-0 by a club whose total payroll comes to $1.8 million. How embarrassing! Sure, they were missing several of their top players to injury but that’s still no excuse, they’re fucking REAL MADRID.

This is like the Yankees being taken down by a D3 liberal arts college.

“It’s an embarrassment, I have no explanation,” manager Manuel Pellegrini said at a news conference afterwards. “When you lose like that there is not much to say. Sometimes in the Cup you think that your weaker opponent is easily beaten and until you lose you don’t take them seriously.”

Fortunately, the club officials are taking it all in stride. Real director general Jorge Valdano apologized to the fans on the team’s website for his team’s pathetic performance. “It’s difficult and I know how the Madrid supporters must be feeling. We have to take it as a lesson in humility that must serve as a starting point for a fresh beginning. We must stick together, and when I say together I am also thinking about the coach.”

[EITB]

28
Oct
09

Naked Hockey Sweeps the Nation, Shrinkage Ensues

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Hockey and Poor Governing
Tags: , ,

6a00d8341c51c053ef00e54f566d0a8833-800wiLast week we saw the Tampa Bay Lightning end their practice with a game of “Naked Breakaway,” now the kids are following the example of their heroes. An Idaho junior hockey team was kicked out of a city rink when the 17- to 20-year-olds started playing the same game.

After the events on last Wednesday, the Idaho Junior Steelheads were banned from using the Idaho Ice World for 4 days and one 17-year-old was suspended through next week for taking off his underwear.

An adult, whose daughter was on a nearby rink saw the Steelheads skating in their underwear and reported it, leading the police to start an investigation, specifically to see if Boise’s public decency laws were violated.

“The investigation is pending,” said Boise Police Department spokeswoman Lynn Hightower.

The city’s public decency ordinances forbid citizens from showing their butts in public, “largely to curb erotic dance parlors. Exemptions include dance, ballet, music or dramatic performances, or artistic displays; nudity during hockey practice isn’t on the list.”

[AP]

28
Oct
09

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome, Hot Women and Television
Tags: ,

Wednesday night means the beginning of the 4th season of Friday Night Lights will air on DirecTV. To celebrate one of the absolute best shows on television — that not enough of you are watching — here is part two of my three part series to get you more interested in the show.

FNL isn’t about football, despite the name, it’s about a city in Texas and the people and a community that defines itself by its football team. With excellent acting, particularly from Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler who are one of the best TV couples of all-time, and a strong ensemble cast, the stories are heart-felt, touching, humorous and exciting. And if you do like football, you have never seen more come-from-behind victories like Dillon High has. This show is phenomenal, every single person I have introduced it to has fallen in love with it, you will too. All you need is a desire to see quality television and everything else will fall into place.

Adrianne Palicki plays the role of Tyra Collette, the super hot vixen type whose character develops decides she wants to go to college and get out of Texas and manages to do so, all the while remaining jaw-droppingly hot. Tyra was due to graduate at the end of the last season, so it’s unclear how much a role she’ll play this season, but goddamn, she is a very fine actress and an absolute smokeshow.

Adrianne Palicki 1

27
Oct
09

What Would You Do for World Series Tickets

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

102709_Susan_Finkelstein_01.jpg“I’m the creative type! Maybe we can help each other!” the ad on Craigslist read. Unfortunately, the ad attracted the attention of local Bensalem police in the suburbs of Philadelphia, who contacted the woman who placed the ad looking for World Series tickets.

On Monday after police responding to the ad, Susan Finkelstein, 43, replied saying that she was a buxomy die-hard Phillies fan and was offering to perform various sexual deeds for 2 tickets to a World Series game.

“She was willing to do anything, she said,” Bucks County public safety director Fred Harran told Philadelphia’s KYW Newsradio. “And she told the officers that she would engage in sexual activity with two individuals for two tickets.”

I just hope she made sure to try and get tickets for the early games, can you imagine how upset you’d be if you had a three-way with two guys off Craigslist only to see the Yankees get swept and you with tickets for game 5? I’ve been in that situation and lemme tell you, it sucks.

Meanwhile, Finkelstein has been charged with prostitution.

Seriously, how did we survive without the constant entertainment that is Craislist?

[NY Post]

27
Oct
09

Fat Bottomed Girls You Make the Rockin’ World Go Round

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, College and Football
Tags: , ,

ncf_a_mleach_300Texas Tech Red Raiders head coach Mike Leach is never one to shy away from an open microphone, after his team’s embarrassing dismantling by Texas A&M to the tune of 52-30 Leach, no great beauty himself, let out this great quote about his players:

“We failed to make our coaching points more compelling than their fat little girlfriends,” Leach said. “Now their fat little girlfriends have some obvious advantages. For one thing, their fat little girlfriends are telling them what they want to hear, like how great you are and how easy it’s going to be.”

I’m sure that went over well. To be fair though, not ALL the girlfriends are fat, and some of them are tall so, he was being unfairly general.

[1011 Now]

27
Oct
09

JJ Redick Wants You to Hear His Rap Supergroup

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Basketball and Pop Culture
Tags: , , , ,

I’m very worried, for the longest time I disliked Magic guard JJ Redick, mostly for his Duke past, the constant media attention on him just made me dislike ever having to see or hear him, but today I find myself actually LIKING Redick. I don’t know what’s going on, I must have swine flu or SIDS or something.

Here he is joking around with reporters about a rap project he’s working on with Marcin Gortat and Ryan Anderson that is all very hush-hush until they release their first single, Waste Management.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Sporting News] thanks to Isaac for the tip!

27
Oct
09

Dallas Desire Dominate Texas Football

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Football and Hot Women
Tags: ,

The best pro football team in Dallas isn’t the 4-2 Dallas Cowboys, no it’s the 2-0 franchise that has outscored its opponents 60-12, the Lingerie Football League’s Dallas Desire. I for one know which team I’d rather watch, after all, Tony Romo just doesn’t do it for me, too much of a gunslinger.

Lingerie Football League2

[Dallas Observer]

27
Oct
09

Peja Spends a Night in Sienna West *(UPDATED)*

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome, Basketball and Hot Women
Tags: , , ,

Sienna West 2While on her way to meet New Orleans Hornet Peja Stojakovic, porn star Sienna West made this video showing her excitement to meet the Serbian stud just prior to them presumably banging. I had wanted to post it yesterday but the video was taken off Twitter, fortunately, some smart internet folks grabbed it and made a copy of the video so we can all enjoy it.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I mean, hooking up with a porn star seems fun and all, but when you have a Greek model wife at home I think it’s unfair. You’re getting greedy. Maybe Peja needs to meet up with Steve Phillips at that secret sex addiction maison.

27
Oct
09

Derek Jeter Just Makes This Too Easy

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball, Douches and Television
Tags: , ,

derek jeter SNL in DragWhile on Fox tonight the World Series will be getting underway, New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter will simultaneously be making an appearance on NBC’s The Biggest Loser. It only makes sense that Jeter appear on a show with that title, because I dislike him and it allows me to call him a big loser. Thanks DJ! BOOM! You see what I did there? See I juxtaposed Derek Jeter and being a big loser and then put them together for comparison, and Jeter turns out to be a loser! God I’m smart.

Now, Derek, if you wouldn’t mind appearing on an episode of Stupid Faced D-Bags Who Slanch Would Like to See Never Play Baseball Again on Spike I think I’ll be good.

Also, I would watch the SHIT out of “SFD-BWSWLSNPBA” it would get SUPER HIGH Nielsen ratings from my house, so, TV executives get on it!

[NBC]

27
Oct
09

Are You Ready for Friday Night Lights to Return?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Football and Television
Tags: ,

Aimee Teegarden 11Wednesday night means the beginning of the 4th season of Friday Night Lights will air on DirecTV. To celebrate one of the absolute best shows on television — that not enough of you are watching — here is part one of my three part series to get you more interested in the show.

FNL isn’t about football, despite the name, it’s about a city in Texas and the people and a community that defines itself by its football team. With excellent acting, particularly from Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler who are one of the best TV couples of all-time, and a strong ensemble cast, the stories are heart-felt, touching, humorous and exciting. And if you do like football, you have never seen more come-from-behind victories like Dillon High has. This show is phenomenal, every single person I have introduced it to has fallen in love with it, you will too. All you need is a desire to see quality television and everything else will fall into place.

Playing Chandler and Britton’s teenage daughter, Julie, Aimee Teegarden is a 20-year-old super-cutie and while she sometimes infuriates you for being a normal teenage girl, she is stellar on the show and one of the best-written characters. Plus she’s gorgeous. Aimee Teegarden 9

If you don’t have DirecTV, the show will be rebroadcast on NBC starting in January. Of course, if you were to theoretically go to this site after midnight on Wednesday you might possibly be able to download the episode via bittorrent. Or so I’m told, I have no knowledge about this or how one might use utorrent and watch the episode.

27
Oct
09

Phillips Enters Sex Addiction Rehab, Sounds Like Fun!

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball, Douches and Television
Tags: , , ,

Steve-phillips-fired-from-espn(1)After being unceremoniously canned by ESPN late Sunday night, now-former BBTN analyst Steve Phillips did the only super cliche thing left to him, enter a rehab facility. Because after all, the American public will forgive and forget ANYTHING so long as you at least make a cursory “attempt” to get help. This isn’t a PR ploy though, after all, Steve

“really needs help, and this was the best way to do it,” said his agent, Steve Lefkowitz, in describing his decision to attend a high-priced facility — in a mystery location — that specializes in sex-addiction treatment.

“It was a bid to keep his life. He’s going in for an illness,” Lefkowitz said. “The problem is, he fell off the wagon.”

I had no idea there were high-priced facilities to treat sex-addiction, I just thought you send someone off to one of the Hedonism resorts and let them sate their appetites for a week. I know sex addiction is a real issue that can be a hardship for many people, but it’s hard to look at as anything but fun. I mean, if you’re a sex addict and you get sent to a place filled with other sex addicts is a bad idea, especially when you’ve had a vasectomy and anything goes. Unless of course you have terrible taste in women. Uh-oh! Steve Phillips is in trouble…

[NY Post]

 

27
Oct
09

340 Yards to the Pin? Gimme the M-16 and Stand Back

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches, Golf and Random
Tags: ,

Recovered RiflesPGA Tour rules maintain that a golfer can carry no more than 14 clubs in his/her bag during a tournament. There isn’t any limit on how many guns you can carry in the bag as well though. This is a lesson that Juan Gibson, a 16-year-old in Palm Beach, Florida and a friend of his learned after Gibson decided to rob his former neighbor’s house and grab the guns he knew to be there. Of course, transporting 13 guns can be a bit onerous, so Gibson and his friend loaded them into two golf club bags as camouflage.

Then, as any normal 16-year-old toting a mini-arsenal of guns would do, they rode the public bus and headed home. Unluckily, a police officer noted the two boys carrying abnormally heavy golf bags and called in backup to investigate. After being stopped by a patrol unit, the boys started fighting the police and then attempted to make a getaway; Gibson was nabbed but his friend managed to get away. The 13 rifles, shotguns and assault rifles were recovered and returned to their owner, who I’m sure needed to have all of them back, because really, a half-dozen assault rifles is just never enough for home defense, you need that full bakers dozen.

[WPTV]

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »

Follow The Slanch Report

 Subscribe to RSS Feed

twitter / slanchreport

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 19 other subscribers

Sign Our Petition!

The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.

Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!

January 2026
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  

Categories