The Slanch Report

Now I’m a man who enjoys a bit of whimsy mixed in with his days, and I can always appreciate a bit of good humor; however, I’m not so certain that’s what is going on here.

Meet Sarah, a member of the Washington Capitals’ Red Rockers, the on-ice dance and cheerleading team and she really REALLY liked Pirates of the Caribbean based on her answers on her informational page. For instance, when asked her favorite movie, she says “Pirates of the Caribbean,” so using my investigative skills I determine she likes that movie. Further, when asked two desert island questions, both come back to pirates and piracy (because let’s face it, pirates are hot right now; the Urban Pirate look is going to become big, I guarantee it!):

If you are on a deserted island and could have one song play what would it be and why? Any song from the “Pirates of the Caribbean” soundtrack, because I’d obviously be looking for buried treasure if I were on a deserted island…
If you are on a deserted island and can have one person with you of historical or celebrity status dead or alive who would it be and why? I suppose if I were on a deserted island it would help to have a professional pirate there to help me look for buried treasure. I’d choose Blackbeard.

OK, so, no big deal, she’s just a financial analyst who REALLY likes big budget plot-less marketing movies, nothing too wrong there, maybe it’s a little vapid, but who am I to judge?

Of course, then there is this, when asked her favorite book she replies with “Facebook.” First off, that’s not a book. Second off, I weep for America. Or rather, if I weren’t such a strong-willed masculine piece of manhunk I’d weep; because I am those things instead I eat a hunk of raw meat and put on a muscle tee. But it’s inherently the same concept. Thirdly, there are myriad answers that could be used for that question and she quite simply chose the WORST possible answer. She may have lost the chance to ever sleep with me.

Also, when did hockey ever need cheerleaders?

[Washington Capitals]