Archive Page 5

17
Dec
09

Big Changes are Coming to the Slanch Report

By slanch 6 Comments
Categories: Awesome, Baseball and Site News
Tags: ,

As the decade comes to a close, it’s finally time for the Slanch Report to undergo some changes. After 14 years of blogging and 42,082 posts, it’s nearly time for a whole new design for this blog. Stay tuned for the changes as they will knock you on your ass, and then beat you up. They are THAT bad-ass.

The biggest change is that we are joining the Bloguin network, which we are super excited for and think you will be too. Especially when you see the full redesign to the site that will correspond with our move.

We’ll have more on that in the coming days/weeks but in the meantime, why not check out this piece I wrote for my soon-to-be blog neighbor TheNatsBlog who are doing a roundup of each team’s offsesason and grading their Winter Meeting performance. I wrote about the San Diego Padres — who I hope trade Adrian Gonzalez to my Red Sox — and will have another piece on the Kansas City Royals coming up later. Definitely check out my piece and the rest of the roundups as a number of the Bloguin blogs are involved and it will give you a taste of the fantasticosity that is coming soon.

17
Dec
09

Can’t Stop What You Can’t See

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Hockey
Tags: , , , ,

If you make an awesome shootout goal but your team still loses, does it matter? Ask William Wallen of the Mississauga St. Michael Majors whose squad lost out to the Windsor Spitfires in an Ontario Hockey League game who scored this beauty the other night.

17
Dec
09

Having Lost Their Putz, Mets Should Look to Play With a Wang

By slanch 4 Comments
Categories: Baseball
Tags: ,

The Mets offseason so far has been simply baffling, do they have a plan, are they aware they have multiple holes and need to improve their team? They know they play in NYC and have loads of cash and thus can, with shrewd moves change their recent misfortunes quickly right? Bueller?

So far the biggest moves the Mets have made involved signing not one, but TWO backup catchers, I guess because you can never be TOO comfortable with your emergency catcher. Never mind that Omir Santos had a decently solid rookie campaign and that was probably the LEAST needed position.

Currently, the Mets rotation consists of Johan (and his fraying elbow), Oliver Perez (woof), John Maine (eek), Mike Pelfrey (s’ok) and…

And that’s the problem. There is simply NO way the Mets can or should enter next season without at LEAST 7 starting pitchers on their 40-man roster because I think we all know that there is zero likelihood that Perez and Maine can get through a full season without imploding or getting injured.

So, it makes perfect sense for the team to pursue some of the free agents out there like Joel Pineiro, if only to prevent him from ever dominating them again. They should have made a play for Randy Wolf but he signed with the Brewers instead, and not for very much money either…

On the scrap heap, the Mets should be signing as many reclamation projects as they can; people like Ben Sheets and Chien-Mien Wang should be high atop the Metropolitans’ wish lists because the required commitment wouldn’t be too many years and the hope that at least ONE of them performs up to his past level would make the deals a bargain. Wang in particular would be a great pickup, he’s shown no problem with playing in NYC, his power sinker would play well in Citifield and the strong defense on the left side of the infield should help him get tons of outs. If Daniel Murphy ever learns how to catch a ball Wang could be REALLY effective. Because of his recent injuries and down year last season, Wang’s cost isn’t going to be prohibitive and from all accounts, Wang is PISSED at the Yankees and anything he can do to shove it up their asses is a bonus for him — and the Mets.

But of course, that won’t happen. After all, the Mets are too busy hot in pursuit of fat Bengie Molina because really, the chance to sign three catchers in an offseason is just too good to pass up.

If I were a Mets fan I think I’d kill myself.

17
Dec
09

Kobe Bryant is an Ice Cold Assassin

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Basketball
Tags: , , ,

I wonder if after having hit so many game-winning shots if they start to get old for a player like Kobe Bryant. When he crushes the Milwaukee fans’ hopes of beating the Lakers in overtime Kobe seems awfully ho-hum, like it’s just another day in the office. Which, technically, it is.

At least the Bucks broadcasters are despondent proving SOME emotion.

17
Dec
09

The “Best” Names in College Lacrosse

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, College, Other Sports and Random
Tags: , , ,

I never played lacrosse in high school because that was at the same time as the tennis season and also the musicals; y’know, because I’m like THE most masculine dude ever. Since I never played, I have no compunction with poking fun at those who do, and who better to aid in the process then the folks over at Inside Lacrosse who cover the college game have released their 2nd annual Face-Off Yearbook All-Name Team. The criteria to be included are strict:

The main qualification is to have a first name that no one has ever heard of. Now, the tricky distinction comes down to differentiating between names that might have some ethnic heritage or lean more toward hippie than preppy.

The name has to be unique, and most importantly, it has to have a certain air about it. Basically, it has to sound like it fits in Judge Elihu Smails’ family, and belongs in a Tuesday afternoon foursome with Spaulding and his chums at Bushwood Country Club.

Without further delay, here are the 1st team winners:

Ridge Flick — Sr., A, Air Force

Ashton Hotchkiss — Sr., A, Roanoke

Gibbs Preston — Sr., A, McDaniel

Forest Sonnenfeldt — Fr., M, Princeton

Keaton O’Hara — So., M, Bellarmine

Caldwell Rohrbach — So., A, St. Lawrence

Zeppy O’Geen — So., F/O, Herkimer

Briggs Davis — So., LSM, Middlebury

Baxter Lanius — Fr., D, Lehigh

Dayton Gilbreath —So., D, Air Force

Brogin VanSkoik — Sr., Potsdam

Brewster Knowlton — So., G, WNEC

All excellent choices, and they have a second and third team as well that you can check out by going to their page HERE. Me, I’d have made sure Austin Milton Winter and Blaze Yeager were on the first squad, but then again, I’m the dude who played tennis and then did high school musicals so…

[Inside Lacrosse]

16
Dec
09

Iverson Gets His Ankles Broke

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Basketball
Tags: , , , ,

Last year as a member of the Detroit Pistons, Allen Iverson saw Rodney Stuckey get some of the minutes that Iverson felt he deserved. For years Allen Iverson was (metaphorically) breaking ankles all over the NBA, but as he’s aged he’s lost a little of his quickness; Stuckey, at age 23 has all of his still and makes Iverson look foolish, at least for one play.

16
Dec
09

This Has to Be a Violation of NHL Policy Right?

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome and Hockey
Tags: , , ,

I mean, I get that cocaine is always at a premium in LA, but I’d think the Kings players would have their own dealers at this point.

Funzo: cause its gotta be tough to find snow in Edmonton. Well, not real snow. You know what I mean.

[CBC]

16
Dec
09

Ronaldinho Has Ball Skills Even Blindfolded

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Soccer
Tags: , , ,

Ronaldinho is one of the world’s best soccer players, because of that he earns millions of dollars and scores some of the world’s hottest women. Not a bad deal; now he can really have bragging rights after winning EA’s Blindfolded Keepie Uppie challenge. World Cup Schmerld Cup!

16
Dec
09

Sad News if You’re in JaMarcus Russell’s Fan Club

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , , , , ,

In 2007 the Oakland Raiders tabbed JaMarcus Russell with the first pick in the draft to become their franchise savior, after a lengthy holdout, he finally signed for 6-years, $68 million. So far, that’s proven to be money really really poorly spent.

For his career, JaMarcus has a 52% completion rate and a 17:22 touchdown to interception ratio; talk about SAVIOR! The Raiders are so pleased with JaMarcus that they worried that if he continued playing someone might be mean to him, and so they benched him in favor of Bruce Gradkowski. BRUCE GRADKOWSKI!

With Gradkowski out with an injury, Oakland is left with the possibility of actually having to PLAY JaMarcus, which, even for the Raiders, is a disaster. So, they signed a CHAMPIONSHIP quarterback, former Buffalo Bill JP Losman who won the first UFL championship playing for the Las Vegas Locomotives.

Good thing the Raiders only have 3 more years, and about $40 million left with JaMarcus!

[Buffalo News]

16
Dec
09

Jacksonville’s Mascot Just Trying to Hang in There

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Football
Tags: , , ,

If you’re looking for the perfect visual representation to really just sum up the Jacksonville Jaguars this season, this video is it. Jackson DeVille, the horribly named mascot for the team looks to wow the crowd by ziplining across the stadium, there’s only one small problem with his plan, Newtonian physics laws.

If it weren’t for that woman’s incredibly annoying voice I could watch this video all day long. I will say I’m disappointed with the strength of the clasps holding the mascot head on, imagine how incredible this would have been if the mascot head fell off too!

15
Dec
09

Hoeness Impressed by Butt

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Soccer
Tags: ,

Now THIS is a headline!

[ESPN]

15
Dec
09

Has Anyone Seen Our National Soccer Team?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Poor Governing, Random and Soccer
Tags: , , ,

The small African nation of Eritrea had quite the surprise when their national soccer team arrived on the tarmac after being knocked out of the Cecafa cup for East and Central African nations; when the plane landed it held only the coach and a team official, the players were missing.

Nicholas Musonye, the head of Cecafa, confirmed that the players did not return to their repressive homeland, making this the third time the Eritrean team has defected.

“The Eritrean federation have done their best to bring a team to the competition – unfortunately these boys had other ideas,” he said. “Definitely they are in Nairobi – we have so many Eritreans here – they must be somewhere.”

The government of Eritrea is extremely constraining and that, combined with wide-spread poverty and a strict service regime leads to many Eritreans emigrating anywhere else.

The Eritrean government however denies that its citizens are leaving and claim the UN is lying about the situation.

[BBC]

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