Archive for the 'Television' Category



25
Mar
09

Conan More Important Than Hockey

NBC is broadcasting most of the Stanley Cup Finals this year, planning on airing games 1,2,5,6,7 but choosing to NOT show games 3 and 4 which could result in the network missing the actual championship. The reason for such a move? Conan O’Brien’s debut in the Tonight Show is supposed to take place on June 1, the same date that Game 3 would happen. Since NBC has been planning this move for several years now, it is reasonably understandable that they would want to ensure that his debut goes off without a hitch. The last thing the network needs is for the hockey game to go long and push back Conan’s start.

That said, it’s nice to see the clout that the NHL wields; they are unable to stand up against a guy who used to regularly feature a masturbating bear on his show…

[Puck the Media]

24
Mar
09

I Wanna Kiss You

From Awful Announcing comes this clip from today’s action between the anemic Houston Astros and the Mets where the Astros’ broadcaster Jim Deshaies’ father is being interviewed. So, here is Herb Deshaies doing his best Joe Namath impression when, after finishing the interview he goes in for a kiss. Fortunately the reporter took it in stride, sorta, and then the younger Deshaies laughed it off, calling his dad a “masher,” whatever that is.

[Awful Announcing]

09
Mar
09

Wok This Way

17855Only the Germans could create a word like schadenfreude, and so it is little wonder that the country is atwitter with excitement for the 7th Annual Wok World Championship where various celebrities hurl themselves down a mile-long bobsled track sitting in metal woks. Able to reach speeds up to 60 mph, the one or 4-man teams use modified soup ladles on their feet to help steer the way. The path is fraught with danger regardless.

“In 2007 the singer from the German band Oomph! suffered a severe concussion, after which we decided to introduce weight limits of 130 kilogrammes (287 pounds) for the one-man woks,” event spokesman Michael Osterman explained, adding that participants also wear protective gear, similar to ice hockey equipment.

[The Local]

03
Mar
09

Becker Gives a Ring and then Jumps Through One

Former tennis star Boris Becker was a guest on the German game show “You Bet…?” along with his former girlfriend, Lilly Kersennberg and before being forced into stupid human tricks, announced he would marry the Dutch model in June. To top off the evening with a good note, Becker also jumped through a ring of fire, winning in a contest of who would humiliate themself more, beating out Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson. Only a few months ago Becker was engaged to jewelery designer Sandy Meyer-Woelden after he and Kersennberg broke up in 2007.

“Last summer I went a bit off track but she took me back. Now I don’t want to let her go,” Becker said on the show. The program’s presenter, Thomas Gottschalk, looked astonished and said: “No, not again?”

[Reuters]

12
Feb
09

Please Watch Friday Night Lights

You wouldn’t know it, because NBC never markets it, but Friday Night Lights is back and is as great as it was the first season. The writing is excellent, the acting real and honest and the overall package is compelling. It airs Fridays at 9 pm, watch it. PLEASE. Need more reasons than that keeping it on the air will provide me with happiness in an otherwise despair-filled world? Remember, Minka Kelly is on the show. Sure, she’s Derek Jeter’s paramour currently, but that’s only because she hasn’t met me yet. Although, anyone who was with Jeter needs to be tested, a lot.

Also, NBC does the absolute WORST marketing of their shows. Ben Silverman, HIRE ME, I know how to actually get people to watch the several quality programs you have, instead you seem content to drive people away. The fact that 30 Rock and FNL are not being watched by everyone in America is a failure on NBC’s part and one that I can fix. DO IT IT NOW!

Anyhoo. Minka, you fine, call me!

J.C. Penney Presents 'Style Your Spring'

14
Jan
09

Michael Irvin’s Fame Saves Him

While cruising around the Dallas area in his white Range Rover and stopped at a light, Michael Irvin noticed the car next to him was lowering its window, as though to talk to him. So he lowered his and then noticed that the other car’s occupants were pointing a semiautomatic gun at him. “I knew what time it was,” Irvin said. “But [the assailaint] said ‘Oh, that’s Michael Irvin, with the Dallas Cowboys.’”

Ah, the joys of fame!

“So we started talking about the Cowboys and everything,” he said. “Then they got back on the highway.”

“I tell you what, I’m glad he was a Cowboy fan.”

[Dallas News]

06
Jan
09

NBC’s Coverage Got Someone HOTTTT

From Best Week Ever comes this clip from NBC’s football coverage where, after the interminably awful 3d stupid cross-promotional commercial comes the sound of a man possibly, orgasming. Me, I think it is someone so disgusted with the commercial that his disbelief gets registered on-air, but I’ll leave it for you to decide.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

26
Dec
08

That Doesn’t Mean What You Think it Does…

The Hawaii Bowl featured a match up between Hawaii and perennial bowl game loser Notre Dame and, amazingly somehow, Notre Dame pulled out a victory. It just might have saved Charlie Weis’ job. At least for a couple more days…

Anyways, during the game, Dave Pasch, one of the announcers made a slightly bizarre statement that I don’t think was what he intended to say.

Yeah, that means something very different than what you meant Mr. Pasch.

Unless you could see something that we can’t from the TV broadcast…

26
Dec
08

Today in 90s Family Television

This weekend’s San Diego Chargers and Denver Broncos game is a battle for supremacy of the AFC West and the bad blood between these teams is spilling over into a war of words. A strange war of words. For instance, take this bit of trash talk from Chargers defensive end Jacques Cesaire:

They have bad teeth. They have bad hair. They don’t know how to cook. What else don’t I like about them? They watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Who does that? Who watches Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman? That’s what I want to know. I heard the Denver Broncos watch it. I’m just sayin’.

I’m not quite sure how that is supposed to scare or intimidate the Broncos, but then again, Cesaire is a 2nd string D-Lineman who isn’t particularly good in the first place. Don’t worry though, he wasn’t done.

For the most part, I have no problem with those guys. Some guys might. I mean, obviously the quarterback (Jay Cutler), from what he’s saying about my quarterback (Philip Rivers), I have a little problem with him. But my biggest complaint with him is that he looks like Ringo Starr, you know? I’m just not feeling his haircut.

Take a look at Cutler sometimes. He has like this shag look going. I don’t even know what it’s called. I was just looking at his press conference the other day after the game. He had on this overgrown suit jacket. It was like ‘Come on, man. Let’s get it together.’

When asked what he might say to Cutler if he were to sack him, Cesaire responded with a one word answer, “supercuts.”

Teammates on the Chargers, like Luis Castillo were not in a rush to get behind Cesaire’s comments, worried that he might have given the Broncos some bulletin board material. However, I feel fairly confident that the Broncos are not going to be extra energized just because some scrub accused them of watching “Dr Quinn,” after all, Jane Seymour is a good looking lady, even still, and besides, that show was pretty good. I’m not ashamed to say that when I recently saw the complete series box set available at Costco I seriously considered getting it. I didn’t but I thought about it.

OK. I’m kinda ashamed about that.
[Sign On San Diego]

16
Dec
08

Zap Wants to Rub Your Body All Over

The original American Gladiators show was revolutionary. I couldn’t wait until the next episode to see people push themselves to the limit in random sporting events that had nothing to do with real life. It was addictive. The highlight of the show of course, was the gladiators themselves. Much like their ancient Roman counterparts, the gladiators were heroes, celebrated by society. Everyone wanted to be a gladiator, even Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell opted to become one after the fake Zach Attack band broke up. To be a gladiator was a high status symbol, they had their own action figures, trading cards, candy bars and tons of other merchandise, including a truly terrible Nintendo game. That era is long over now though.

Raye Hollitt was one of the original gladiators, competing under the nom de guerre “Zap,” but times are harder and she is no longer taking the stage as a ferocious gladiator. Today, she plies her way as a massuese in Los Angeles.

At least that’s what her ad on Craigslist says. Check it out here. Or if that gets taken down, I’ve taken a screenshot of it, and that is here.

Raye

If you ever wanted to get a rubdown from a REAL American Gladiator, this is your chance! This also would make the perfect gift for that friend of yours who loves extremely buff women. I think we all know a couple people like that in LA…

09
Dec
08

Another Reason to Hate College Sports

Yesterday during Sportscenter, Scouts Inc’s Todd McShay was asked about Florida quarterback Tim Tebow and his pro prospects, paraphrasing slightly, McShay responded that Tebow when he leaves college may ultimately go down as the greatest college football player ever, or at least the best during McShay’s lifetime. That said, McShay doesn’t believe he is a good pro prospect at all.
How can anyone possibly like something where the BEST PLAYER OF ALL TIME isn’t even a GOOD pro prospect? That’s pathetic.

09
Dec
08

Jeff Garcia Likes to Do What?

Per Tony Kornheiser from last night’s MNF game:




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