Archive for the 'Television' Category



12
Nov
09

Jon Stewart Wants to Play Ball With Serena Williams

I forgot to post this yesterday but Serena Williams stopped by The Daily Show on Tuesday for an interview with a very smitten Jon Stewart. He had Jessica Biel on the other day like it was nothing, but when Serena is there he can’t stop hitting on her, which is interesting considering that sitting next to him Serena looked like a giant muscle-bound specimen and he looked like a short out-of-shape panting Jew. Weird how that works. Move on Jon, it would never work between the two of you, she’s simply too powerful for you, she’d snap you in half.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

[Comedy Central]

05
Nov
09

Jorge Posada Punches His Wife

Prior to last night’s game, the local NYC Fox affiliate aired some of an interview they had earlier in the day with Laura Posada, the Yankees catcher’s wife. Generally it wasn’t that interesting but she did casually drop one bomb, Jorge gets heated up before big game and has fights in his sleep with the umps. He apparently thrashes around and even can get violent. Fast forward in this clip to the 2:35 mark to hear her tell about him punching her in the face!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Poor form Spanish George, poor form. I should also point out that I hate Jorge more than any other single Yankee.

[Fox New York]

05
Nov
09

Who Wants to Go Luging With Me?

The Winter Olympics are fast approaching and unlike the Summer Olympics, many of the events are just not available to the average person — anyone can just run, not everyone can bobsled. So the folks at the Muskegon Winter Sports Complex in Muskegon, Michigan have opened up a luge course to the general public. I want in. I really really want in. If this ad doesn’t make you excited for that possibility, check your pulse, you may already be dead.

[Muskegon Winter Sports Complex]

04
Nov
09

The Pope Takes in a Penguins Game

[PSAMP]

04
Nov
09

Chase Utley Listens to the Wife

Jen Utley 6For those of you who don’t watch Access Hollywood religiously you probably missed this feature they did on Chase Utley and his wife Jennifer, who is like a normal-person-version of Megan Fox. Yowzers! Remind me in my next life to make sure I go to college at UCLA because, I mean, WOW.

Jen, worked back in the day ON Access Hollywood but now spends much of her time being an animal activist.

Just before Chase heads off to the stadium for game 4 she gives him a slap on the butt and says “hit a home run.” Like any good husband, Chase listens, and to show the love, hits two for good measure.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Please give him similar encouragements tonight Jen, because I’m ready to see some Yankees fans cry.

[The 700 Level]

03
Nov
09

Colbert Steps Up For Speed Skating

colbertIf you missed last night’s Colbert Report, you missed out on the news that Stephen Colbert is using his well-documented power as a leader to rally his audience for the US Olympic Speed Skating team. Facing a dire budget situation after their Dutch sponsor, DSB Bank NV went bankrupt. With the games only a few months away, the speed skating team, which has historically been one of the highest medal-yielding sports for the Americans in the games, faced a $300,000 deficit for its athletes.

On his show last night, Colbert announced that the Colbert Nation will be sponsoring the team and called on his viewers to contribute to the cause. Colbert has also previously asked his viewers to contribute to The Yellow Ribbon Fund, a charity aiding former armed service members and their families to great success and hopes that his sizable audience will follow his urging once more, promising victory for the Americans.

“On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, ‘Colbert Nation,'” Colbert said in an interview before Monday’s show. “Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place.”

U.S. Speedskating executive director Robert Crowley came onto the Report last night and acknowledged it was a “definitely unconventional arrangement,” but one that should proved beneficial.

“We’re highly optimistic that the country is going to get behind this and get behind the Colbert Nation and support this amazing team,” Crowley said. “I don’t have any idea if it’s going to make $5 or $500,000. I couldn’t tell you.”

I think it’s safe to say that speed skaters will be liberally used on the Report in the next few months which is a win for us all. Although, Colbert admitted there are certain drawbacks about sponsoring a Winter Olympics team:

“It still tragically involves a lot of Canadians. It’s kind of unseemly how many Canadians I’m going to have to be dealing with.”

[ABC News] and to contribute [Colbert Nation]

03
Nov
09

Erin Andrews is Back, Has Back

Erin Andrews 1Erin Andrews spent her time away off from ESPN doing something right, because now that she’s back on the air she’s in even better shape than before as this picture from a recent game shows. Is there a condition better than game-ship? Ship-shape? All I know is that everything about this outfit works for me. The sideline princess is back and I for one couldn’t be more thankful. Yowzers.

[Photo H/T Barstool Sports]

02
Nov
09

Need to Save a Raider Fan From the Black Hole?

You have to love local advertising, usually it looks like it is filmed on a household camcorder from 1996 with a script that was written by the 3rd graders of Ms. Sybil’s class but this ad from before the Chargers/Raiders game this past Sunday is simply too good to pass up. Sure, the imagery is more than a bit repetitive but the end tag-line more than makes up for it.

After all, what group of fans needs bail bondsmen more often than Raiders fans?

30
Oct
09

All Good Goals Require a Little Ass

Bob Errey on the Pittsburgh Penguins telecast wanted to let his viewers know what was needed in order to score a goal. It turns out the answer is “ass.” Now we know!

[Hot Clicks]

29
Oct
09

The Next Iron Ace Doppelganger!

Please make sure to VOTE in the poll below as well as visit the permanent Doppelgangers page to see the many other fabulous doppelgangers we have assembled.

Chris Carpenter was mediocre in his career in Toronto, but when he came to St. Louis he put it all together winning one Cy Young (and possibly another one this year.) While he has had some injury problems the last few years, Carpenter has been flat-out dominating when he’s been on the mound and, with Adam Wainwright, provides possibly the best 1-2 punch in baseball. Michael Symon is a professional chef who has been credited with saving the restaurant scene in downtown Cleveland, very impressive, I think opening a Quiznos might have the same affect. Symon also won the Food Network’s The Next Iron Chef contest, and has been on a number of other FN shows. Self-describing his food as “meat-centric,” Symon has contributed items to the menu at Cavaliers games, has opened 5 restaurants (4 of which are still open) and has consistently been honored by various food magazines, organizations and restaurant groups for his skill.

Loyal reader Shatraw spotted this one a while ago and has patiently awaited its arrival on the Slanch Report, honor him, and us, by VOTING in the poll below.

CarpenterSymon

29
Oct
09

My Favorite from Friday Night Lights

Wednesday night meant the beginning of the 4th season of Friday Night Lights airing on DirecTV. To celebrate one of the absolute best shows on television — that not enough of you are watching — here is the final of my three part series to get you more interested in the show.

FNL isn’t about football, despite the name, it’s about a city in Texas and the people and a community that defines itself by its football team. With excellent acting, particularly from Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler who are one of the best TV couples of all-time, and a strong ensemble cast, the stories are heart-felt, touching, humorous and exciting. And if you do like football, you have never seen more come-from-behind victories like Dillon High has. This show is phenomenal, every single person I have introduced it to has fallen in love with it, you will too. All you need is a desire to see quality television and everything else will fall into place.

Minka Kelly plays the role of Lyla Garrity, the former head cheerleader, super smart girl-you-always-wanted-to-be-with-but-is-always-with-someone-far-far-far-bigger-than-you. Sure, she’s not perfect, she cheated on her newly paralyzed boyfriend with his best friend in the first season, but she was only doing it out of grief and you know how that goes. Regardless, she’s so smoking hot that I can even overlook the fact that Minka is dating Derek Jeter currently. Or that she hasn’t returned any of my phone calls, replied to any of my letters and seems to have ignored all those carrier pigeons I sent her way. Sigh. So incredibly hot.

Minka Kelly 16

28
Oct
09

A Guest Opinion on L’Affaire Steve Phillips

brooke2Loyal reader and sometime commenter RowdyRoddyPaulper is a man who enjoys an adult beverage every now and again. Regardless, he is hilarious at all times, when he sent me a drunken email about Steve Phillips late last night I just KNEW I had to post it. So, below is the full text of the email, enjoy it as much as I have.

I recently (like yesterday) read up on the whole Steve Phillips/ugly PA story. Let me address a few issues I have that you may or may not have addressed:

1) One article (possibly CNN.com (I’m a drunk-and currently drunk-so I forget things)) said that the Steve Phillips’ “issue” was a symptom of ESPN being a post-grad frathouse. Fine. When I think of ESPN, I think frathouse. But the Steve Phillips situation proves the opposite point. Frathouses like hot girls. Also, hot girls semi-unfortunately like frathouses. Brooke Hundley is a 4 (with makeup…a shitload of makeup). If ESPN were a true working-place frathouse, Brooke Hundley would have never gotten a job there unless her dad is some sort of high-ranking Disney exec. Even still though…

Brooke Hundley was probably hired by a woman who didn’t want her job threatened… which leads me to my next point…

2) WOMEN ARE HIRING PA’s AT ESPN. This is absurd. I’ve worked in TV for a while and have learned that lucky guys and hot women get jobs (entry-level on up). I’ve been unemployed for over a month now and am more than certain my average looks are to blame. I’m not mad at this. Hell, given hiring power, I’d hire the entire Brazzers roster over all those overqualified, eggheaded, coke-snorting (not the fun kind), Ivy League fruitcakes. We can safely say that although ESPN may have long ago been a glorious frathouse, they’ve been eaten alive by Title IX loving, Teva sandal wearing, women. These ladies have pulled one of the most successful coups of all time in my opinion.

3) My third point is in no way affiliated with my first two points. Hypothetical situation: you’re Steve Phillips, you’re married, and your wife isn’t satisfying your many complex man-needs. Where do you go? Instinct says you go to the hottest piece of ass that will let you bone her. Instinct is, in this case, wrong. Hot girls have entitlement issues, low self-esteem, and bodies that you would kill your best friend over. And they WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS. They’ll either tell your wife at a highly inappropriate time and/or wear an adult diaper and drive across many, many states with the intent to harm you. Fortunately for you, Steve Phillips, ugly ladies are generally much less problematic. They’re just happy for attention. They have vaginas and those vaginas are fun. Hot girls have vaginas but they come at a higher price.

Steve Phillips fucked a fat girl because she gave him the things his wife would not. And he thought these things were free. And they usually are when a fat girl is involved. But the fat girl went BAT SHIT CRAZY! This is highly unusual. One can only assume her dad actually is a high ranking Disney exec (hence the entitlement) and my whole argument is ruined. If I were actually employed, this email would’ve been a huge waste of time.




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