Dwight Howard’s shoulders terrify me, they are so broad, so muscular, so unnatural looking, he’s like a cartoon character. It is those shoulders that generate the power and strength he needs to battle down low in the paint, scoop up a rebound and then slam the ball home so hard that he breaks the shot clock. Awesome.
Archive for the 'Basketball' Category
21
May
09
Dwight Howard is a Powerful Man
If you’re going to pretend you used to be a former NBA player — all 5′ 9″ likes to do that — it is important to have the right information at your disposal. The key to any good lie is in the details; for instance, say you want to impress people by telling them that you’ve won, say, 3 NBA championships, well no one is going to believe you if you don’t have any proof. Well I got your proof right here!
Randy Brown, who averaged almost 4 points per game from 1995-1997 on the Chicago Bulls as they three-peated has now gone bankrupt and is forced to sell his championship rings. The rings’ gems have been appraised at $40,000 but the rings are being offered at auction for $19,000. Currently $5 million in debt, with only $1.5 million in assets, it looks like Randy Brown would greatly appreciate it if you would drastically overpay for his rings.
The rings are available at auction through www.westauction.com.
[KFBK]
Continue reading ‘Want to Tell Everyone You Played With MJ?’
From the post-game press conference after game 6, here is Ron Artest talking about some of the best new music out there:
Five dollar footlong is one of the best songs, that’s a hot song. You’ve got the freecreditreport.com, and then five dollar footlong comes on. When five dollar footlong comes on, they should play that in the club. They should play all those in the club.
Considering that Artest has his own music “career,” he MUST know what he’s talking about; they just don’t let ANYONE record an album.
Ron, you will NOT be DJing my next party.
18
May
09
One Shining Moment
I didn’t expect the Celtics to be able to get past the Cavaliers in the conference finals, but I felt pretty sure they’d at least get there. I also wanted to see whether or not Kevin Garnett would actually play in the series, I still say he would have. Out of the miserable loss last night there were few highlights, but I do like this dunk by Rondo, it features everything you could want, a great pass out of trouble, a streaking Rondo and a magnificent finish over Dwight Howard. Solid!
After Glen “Big Baby” Davis hit the game-winning shot last night he was justifiably excited, he ran down the court almost in amazement that he actually hit the shot. Along the way, he bumped into a 12 year old fan who was sitting courtside; in predictable look-at-me over-reactive American society, the adolescent’s father sent a letter today to the NBA demanding an apology.
Ernest Provetti, the father of 12 year old Nicholas said that Davis crossed the line, literally, and knocked his son’s baseball hat off and embarrassed his son.
“The NBA makes it clear to not cross the sideline,” he said in a telephone interview. “If I cross that line, the NBA will take away my tickets. It’s a double standard.”
Well, the way I see it, you’re there to SEE THE PLAYERS, if a PLAYER makes a GAME-WINNING, SERIES SAVING SHOT and stumbles a little as he falls backwards from the shot and in his exuberance happens to touch your little snowflake who happens to be RIGHT next to the floor, then you get the FUCK OVER IT.
Of course, when a player DIVES for a ball into the stands and lands on people, everyone has no problem with this, although, apparently in Provetti’s mind the player should be kicked out of the arena. YOU ARE THERE TO SEE THE PLAYERS, NO ONE IS THERE TO SEE YOU.
According to Provetti, in his letter he said that Davis acted like a “raging animal with no regard for fans’ personal safety.” Well, first off Ernest, you’re a douchebag. Secondly, I’ve watched the video, your son gets BUMPED and then Davis moves on. Big Baby did NOT throw your son into the seats, and if the kid did fall over, he should learn how to stand better. But sure, why not take the opportunity to get your name on the news, who knows, maybe you can get a lawsuit out of this.
“How do you like to be a 12-year-old and see a raging lunatic coming at you?” Provetti said today. Well, if I were 12 years old and my Dad got me courtside seats to a playoff game I’d shut my fucking mouth and be happy for ANYTHING. Glen Davis got his sweat on me? AWESOME, THANKS DAD! I guess Provetti’s little bundle of special is too sensitive for that. I hope Child Services comes by and removes Nicholas from his father and instead he can learn to be a member of society that DOESN’T coddle you and make you a soft pussy whiny asshole. Of course, that’s probably too much to ask. Nicholas, I’m sorry y0u have such an fuck-hole for your dad.
I hate people.
08
May
09
I Love You, Man
Sports bring people together, fans and players both. While the competition on the field/court/whatever may be fierce, when the final whistle blows or the last run crosses the plate the players just become people once more. This slideshow, assembled by WCCO in Minnesota/St Paul features some of the finest moments of athletes hugging one another, and I’ll be honest, most of them look like they are about to kiss. It’s pretty exciting.
Zaza Enden, forward/center/head coach for second division Akçakoca Poyrazspor in Düzce, Turkey received an interesting phone call the other day; it seems that his Russian uncle had died, leaving a $100 million inheritance for Enden. But if sitcoms have taught us nothing, inheritances come with a cost. No, Enden doesn’t need to spend the night in a haunted mansion; instead he needs to get married, and stay married for 5 years in order to fulfill the conditions his uncle set up.
The inheritance, which Enden claims is not cash but rather shopping centers, residences and other real estate, Enden wants to utilize the money to purchase his own basketball club and compete in the Euroleague.
Of course, since Enden is known for his theatrics to promote himself and his team, and hasn’t played top-level basketball for several years, there is just as good a possibility that this is all a hoax. But hey, it’s Friday!
07
May
09
You Sir are Taller Than Me
06
May
09
Let’s Go Celtics!
It’s bad enough getting arrested, but having to hear that voice of what, I’m assuming was his girlfriend, is much worse.
Let’s Go CELTICS!
Rajon Rondo makes tons of plays on the basketball court, but his biggest weakness is putting the ball through the hoop; it’s partly what makes him such a good point guard because it causes him to find his teammates more and get them the ball. However, when you get fouled and have a free throw you need to sink it. Instead, during last night’s clunker against the Orlando Magic Rondo took a different approach.
LeBron James received the first of what will be his many MVP awards today at his Akron high school. Officials from the NBA and Kia were on hand to give the honor to LeBron as well as the keys to an all-new Kia horseless carriage. Considering LeBron has a Maybach, a Mercedes S63, a Bentley, Lambourghinis and a Rolls Royce amongst others in his fleet already, methinks that the Kia isn’t going to get much driving time…
Since the NBA has an average salary of $5 million, I don’t think ANY NBA player is driving around in a Kia, so why even give one away? I hope LeBron gives his to charity or someone who could actually use it, since otherwise it’s a waste.
When the Celtics announced they were adding a dance team I was saddened, the team didn’t need it, Red would NEVER have wanted it and you know, they’re kinda lame. But, then there are moments that it is a good thing the team has these luscious ladies. For instance, say you wanted to go to medical school and weren’t quite sure what the female form looked like, well, Yahoo Sports (who featured this photo in their recap of game 5) and the Celtics Dancers are here to help, serving the community; the NBA where home gynecology happens.
Yikes. And thank you. And yikes again.
This is the lovely Alison of the Boston Celtics Dance Team, a real estate agent and former New England Patriot Cheerleader who has been involved with 2 Super Bowl champions and of course, the Celtics victory last season. She’s our lucky mascot. And possibly a future ex-Mrs. Slanch.
The Slanch Report 
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