The Slanch Report

Loyal reader Youppi sent these doppelgangers along, and for that I am incredibly grateful. Of course, he also seems like the type of “man” to go see Sex and the City in the theaters with fellow reader Myummers sans any girls or self-respect, but that’s a whole other story…

As always, these and all the other doppelgangers are available at the doppelganger page at the top of the screen or by clicking here.

The single best jersey I have ever seen at a baseball game was when I saw a guy walking around Shea in a Cleveland Indians jersey emblazoned with “Dorn,” on the back. I’ve always been jealous that I don’t have my own one of those as yet… Anyhoo, Corbin Bernsen who played the overpayed, undertalented Roger Dorn and Red Sox reliever/bow hunter Mike Timlin share a resemblance.

I can’t believe that people like Emile Hirsch get to kiss Elisha Cuthbert, even in just a movie setting, it is patently unfair. I am about 45,000 times cooler and better looking than he is. Well, regardless, he shares a kindred look to Brewers outfielder Corey Hart, minus about a foot, seeing as how Hart is a gargantuan 6′ 6″ and actually looks like he can grow facial hair.

Baseball has been abuzz all season with the remarkable comeback of Josh Hamilton who overcame his addiction to heroin and is now leading the majors in RBI after having not played in the majors for 4 years! Bobby Flay likes to cook things and have people eat them, he’s a chef! Drew Bledsoe made football relevant once more in New England when he was the first selection overall in the draft, and without his injury, Tom Brady would have remained a backup for at least a few more games. Thank god Bledsoe got hurt, right! Combined the three of them form what would be the most epic boy-band trio ever, move over Hanson!

There are few movies as iconic as Feris Bueller’s Day Off, everyone can relate to the desire of escaping from school for a day and having an amazing time. Of course we all also have a friend identical to Cameron (played by Alan Ruch), who naysays the whole time but ends up having the best day of his life. David Murphy was a first round pick of the Red Sox but was spun to the Rangers in the exchange for one Eric “I suck since steroids testing was instituted” Gagne. Now, in Texas, Murphy is putting up solid numbers across the board and is an early contender for the Rookie of the Year award that will ultimately go to Jacoby Ellsbury.

Aaron “#$@!#$!#@#**%%!#!!!!!!!” Boone broke my heart in 2003, and since then he’s continued back onto his regularly scheduled mediocrity, plying his trade these days for the lowly Washington Nationals. Johnny Knoxville has made an obscene amount of money due solely to the fact that he’ll do stupid things. America, what a country!