The Slanch Report

The Boston Bruins used to be a proud and respected franchise. They went to the playoffs every season for over 20 years at one point, but these days find it impossible to get out of the first round, if they are even able to qualify. Right now the Bruins are fighting for their lives against their arch rivals, the Montreal Canadiens. If not for an overtime goal in game 3, the Bruins would be down 3-0 in their 7 game series. Understandably the fans have been frustrated. I, for one, gave up on the Bruins officially after they traded away Joe Thornton for nothing and he went on to win the MVP.

Boston does love its hockey though and the fans have been coming out for the playoffs. One fan, Walter Cutler, 40, took his love of the Black and Gold to a new level when he was charged with open and gross lewdness and disorderly conduct.

Getting arrested at a hockey game is not a big story. In fact, it’s highly respected and expected, particularly during the playoffs. But ol’ Walt took it a step further.

I guess, trying to make a profound statement regarding the poor leadership exhibited by the Jacobs family who own the team, possibly in response to their penny-pinching ways, or maybe just a final statement regarding the lockout year, Walt decided to take matters into his own hands. By which I mean, obviously, that he whipped it out and started peeing on the other fans sitting in front of him.

Of course he did! I mean, in what other manner is a person supposed to express oneself? Do people celebrate their team’s victories in any other manner? As a point of fact, the crowd should be grateful. In Detroit they love to throw squids onto the ice, and that could be immeasurably unhealthy, I mean seafood that’s been out for a while…not good. But good ol’ Walt, that ain’t his style, he’s from Scituite, and quite frankly, you have no desire to see what he wants to throw onto the ice. Unfortunately Walt doesn’t have seats anywhere near the ice, and so when he lets loose, only the fans in the lower tiers get involved in the “celebration.”

Let’s start a grassroots campaign to get Walter closer to the action, if only to protect the folks in the nice seats from getting peed on from above. Hockey players are tough, but they have no desire to see Walt and his little buddy pressed against the glass. It’s time we take every possible avenue, Bruins hockey depends on it.