Posts Tagged ‘March Madness


I’m Pretty Sure That’s a Foul

Morgan State had zero chance of besting #1 seed Oklahoma in their match-up last night; something Morgan State’s Ameer Ali took personally it seems. Here he gets slightly entangled with All-American Blake Griffin and decides to do the only rational thing; take Blake over the shoulder and body slam him. Seems like a good idea, I’m sure no one will notice you manhandling the consensus best player in the country… Oh yeah, and Morgan State was 24 points down at the time so, that’s classy. Ali was thrown out of the game and Oklahoma went on to a 82-54 victory and a round 2 berth, Morgan State will receive participation t-shirts.

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Now THAT’s Bracketology

As loyal readers know, I hate college sports, I hate March Madness and I will not be participating in any bracket pools whatsoever, besides of course So Good’s Meat Madness. Were I to participate though, it would be in Fan IQ’s much more entertaining and pleasing Cheerleader Madness. Pitting each school’s cheerleaders against one another in the actual brackets is significantly more exciting then being forced to watch bad basketball and crappy players.

I might even pick a major upset, with Tennessee-Chattanooga taking it over #1 seed UConn, or maybe I’m just a sucker for tight pants…


EAST Bracket

MID-WEST Bracket

SOUTH Bracket

WEST Bracket

[Fan IQ]


The Best Alternative Brackets EVER

With everyone agog with excitement for the NCAA tournament, the internet is buzzing with people trying to capture that zeitgeist and my very good friend Eick over at So Good Blog has come up with by far my favorite iteration of bracketology, Meat Madness!

Pairing 32 different meats in 4 brackets, eventually America will crown a winner who will reign over all of us, until next time. The brackets are: “Red” meat, Poultry, Pork and Seafood and there are some tough decisions to make along the way. Click on the brackets below to print it out and make your picks, surprisingly enough to my rabbi, I find the pork region to be the most difficult to wade my way through.

Obviously, it’s hard to go against bacon in anything, but pitting sausage versus ribs, in the first round, and putting ribs down as a 7 seed!?! That’s brutal! For me, bacon, sausage and ribs are the top three seeds in the pork region and to lose one right away is a real kick in the nuts.

My final 4: Steak, Chicken, Tuna and Ribs in an upset. MEAT MADNESS GET EXCITED BABY!

[So Good]


It’s All in the Name

xsmall_kickingstallionsims_chief_092308Not that I would under any circumstances anyway, but were I to watch the play-in game for the NCAA tournament on Tuesday between Alabama State and Moorehead, make no mistake, I’d do so to watch only one player. That would be number 42 in your programs, Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims, Jr., the 7’1″ senior center who counts being awarded the Best Name in College Sports honor from Sports Illustrated as his greatest athletic accomplishment.
Now he’s someone I can get behind. I’m now rooting for the ASU Hornets to get in the tournament so that I get to hear his name at least a few days more. GO HORNETS!


The Perfect Symbol for College Basketball

March Madness is, unfortunately, soon approaching. College basketball fans everywhere will plant themselves in front of TVs to watch bad basketball being played and presumably will be excited by it. I guess there is no accounting for taste…

Anyhoo, a couple of urology joints are taking advantage of the situation, offering March Madness-related vasectomies, because nothing symbolizes college basketball better than an empty load.

The Austin based Urology Team is presenting Vas Madness, while the Oregon Urology Institute is presenting Snip City.

“You know, the thing that really spurred this whole thing is that so many men aren’t interested in sitting still very long,” said Vikki Smith, community liaison for The Urology Team, a practice with eight surgeons. “So we thought what could be a more natural combination than sitting in front of a TV set for three days and getting a vasectomy? It’s the perfect excuse to look at the wife and say, ‘Honey, I’ve got to stay on the couch for three days. Doctor’s orders.’ “

Now, being forced to watch college basketball is bad enough, but to lose my man seed too?!! Yowzers, count me OUT. Apparently enough people are clamoring for this though, the Oregon group is doing this promotion for the second year in a row, so it must have been popular enough but I simply don’t get it. Then again, I don’t see the appeal in March Madness either so…

[Lion in Oil]


Things I Would Rather Watch Than NCAA Basketball

Today begins my least favorite sporting event of the year. I may not be the popular voice here, but there is nothing more uninteresting than college sports and especially the tournament. March Madness? More like March Badness! YES! EAT IT! Damn I’m full of wit today.

“But there are so many close games!” “The level of competition is so high!” “Buzzer-beater shots!” “Underdogs!”

Great. Do not care. You know why there are so many close games? Because most of the teams aren’t very good. If I wanted to watch boring basketball I’d be a WNBA fan. As for the underdogs, yeah, everyone loves a fun story but no one is ever a realistic chance to win. Even George Mason the other year was destined to get destroyed in the Final Four. Ultimately the top schools are going to win, and there will be no real surprises. Booooring.

I want nothing more than to NOT hear about your bracket, to not hear why Belmont has a chance to beat Duke (they don’t); I don’t want to see Digger Phelps, I REALLY don’t want to see Dick Vitale. This whole stupid event takes over the airwaves and it couldn’t be more uninteresting. I hate all college sports and don’t find them fun or good to watch at all. The overall level of competition is poor, the few stars of the college game aren’t usually even that good. For every Carmelo there are 16 Bobby Hurleys and Bryce Drews. College sports are quite simply the worst.

Here is a list of things I’d rather do than watch or deal with college sports and particularly the March Tournament:

  • A naked weekend romp with Joy Behar
  • Sponge-bathe John Clayton
  • More coverage of Brett Farve’s retirement and daily actions since retirement
  • Let Dmitri “The Meathook” Young run me over at home plate non-stop for 3 days
  • Have Charles Barkley take a crap on my chest
  • Watch Arena football
  • Coach a children’s soccer team filled with autistic kids
  • Watch the Joy Luck Club non-stop for a month
  • Get punched in the junk by everyone who has ever played a game for the Miami Dolphins

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