Archive Page 152

09
Sep
08

Flipping Over Soccer

Fabian Espindola is a striker for Real Salt Lake of the MLS, but I’m sure I didn’t need to tell you that, I mean, it IS a major sports league in the US… Anyways, in a game against the Los Angeles Galaxy the other day during the 6th minute Espindola headed a ball into the net for an apparent goal. Espindola then ran to midfield and did his customary backflip to celebrate. Unfortunately, he didn’t quite nail that landing, instead fracturing his leg. After the game, a contrite Espindola had this to say, “I’m embarassed, I’m never going to do that again. I don’t know what happened. I’ve done it a million times. If I would have known I never would have done it.” Then to add insult, the referee disallowed the goal.

Later in the game, because Espindola wasn’t feeling terrible enough, after scoring a goal for the Galaxy, LA midfielder Bryan Jordan executed his own flip, landing it perfectly.
Espindola, who only just returned last week from another injury that had sidelined him since May 31 is expected to miss another 6 weeks.

09
Sep
08

An Iron-Man Doppelganger

Cal Ripken revolutionized the shortstop position, proving that power hitting, big athletic guys could play a position usually reserved for light-hitting glovemen. Without him, players like A-Rod, Nomar, Jeter, Tulowitzki, hell, even Khalil Greene would never have played at the majors at shortstop, having long been moved to third or the outfield. Tom Colicchio is the head judge on Top Chef, which means he probably gets to blaze with Padma Lakshmi whenever he wants. I would never suggest that the in-his-prime Cal Ripken looks like Colicchio, but the latter day, let-himself-go Ripken clearly likes eating food, and Colicchio makes food! It’s almost too perfect! Please make sure to vote in the poll below to see if these doppelgangers can move on to the magical land of the permanent Doppelganger page here.

ripkencolicchio

09
Sep
08

My New Quarterback

I’ve been avoiding all things Brady because frankly it makes me want to throw up, but I’m trying to control myself. What was supposed to be another awesome football season is now up in the air. That too can be exciting but until they play again all I’m left with is a bitter, acrid taste in my mouth. Unlike baseball I don’t have as much interest in the larger league beyond the Patriots. I watch whatever game that’s on but I don’t have much if any of a rooting interest except how it relates to the Pats. Living in NYC, this season is going to be that much harder to bear. Sigh. Get well soon Tom. Nonetheless, here’s hoping Matt Cassel, who hasn’t started a game since high school is going to kick ass. In 2001 I remember when Bledsoe went down and it felt like the season was over, so who knows, this too could be an amazing season. I certainly hope so. Anyway, this video is from a charity event held by special teams ace Larry Izzo called Larry-oke and clearly Cassel is a wee bit tipsy in this clip. Let’s go Pats!

08
Sep
08

A Stiff Roddick Doppelganger

Andy Roddick is one of the best tennis players in the world, he fires out ridiculously fast 120+ MPH serves and he’s engaged to a fine woman named Brooklyn. Sean William Scott made a career out of being a jock-y party boy without much in his head besides the next beer and the next girl to attempt. Once briefly everywhere, he hasn’t been seen doing much work recently, something we can all appreciate. Add in the fact that Scott’s most memorable role, Stifler, and Roddick both have inherent male genitalia references within their names and I know we’ve got a winner. Reader Youppi sent along this pairing and the resemblance is remarkable so check it out, vote in the poll below and see our other fine doppelgangers here.

roddickscott

08
Sep
08

Everyone Always Ignores the Long Snapper

During Saturday’s UTEP-Texas football game ESPN managed to capture a few worthwhile moments of television. Of course, this being college football, those moments were not during the game. For example, there is this clip of the UTEP long snapper practicing on the sidelines after having some difficulties earlier in the game. Long snappers generally exist in a faceless vacuum where no one knows who they are, why they are on the team or why most long snappers really only do that one thing on a team. Clearly the UTEP Miners were not paying enough attention to their long snapper, particularly the punter who is most dependent upon the long snapper. Sometimes when people aren’t paying attention to me I get upset too…

I’d tend to agree with the announcers, that WAS a pretty accurate snap. And really, who DOESN’T like watching videos of people getting hit in the balls?

The other moment is inconclusive to me, so I figured I’d see what you out there in the world thinks. Sports by Brooks is convinced that this guy is getting a handjob from his ladyfriend, me I just think it looks like she’s resting her hand on his junk. What do you think?

04
Sep
08

Lebron Gets Horsed

The video is a little long, but here is Lebron James losing in HORSE to a balding factory worker. Think MJ ever lost a game like that?

[Fan IQ]

03
Sep
08

Yankees Ruin Chamberlain for Next Year Too

The Yankees are seemingly intent on making Joba Chamberlain an ineffective pitcher for the near future. That’s because after his latest return from the DL, Joba is headed to the bullpen for the remainder of the season. And, unless something drastic happens, he is unlikely to pitch much more than 100 innings this year, which would mean the process of making him a starter would be exactly where it was this year. Meaning that Chamberlain will be forced to start NEXT season in the bullpen as well. Now, instead of merely wasting ONE year at the major league level, the Yankees are on their way to wasting a second of Joba’s prime years because he won’t be able to throw 200+ innings for at least another year. Chamberlain, who should be a dominant starter, is now being relegated to single inning stints for the next 9 months because the innings increase would be too much possible strain on his arm. Job well done fellas. Now, I appreciate the caution that they are exercising, in fact I think it’s wise, the only problem is that they should have stretched Joba out THIS year, in the minors to start the season. Instead they get 3 straight seasons where he doesn’t pitch enough innings to be truly useful.

Oh, but don’t worry, because the organization is totally aware what’s going on, particularly Joe Girardi who doesn’t let anything slip past him. When asked if the Yankees had mishandled the situation, Girardi responded that this season “had not stunted Chamberlain’s progress.” Brian Cashman, Girardi’s boss (at least for the rest of this season) however feels differently, saying that this season had done just that.

I am in full support of abusing Joba as much as possible, because he otherwise terrifies me. So, keep up the good work boys. Let’s keep him in useless one inning spurts instead of harnessing his incredible stuff to be a dominant starter. Red Sox Nation thanks you all.

03
Sep
08

The Case of the Disgruntled RB

The Detroit Lions brought in the recently released Rudi Johnson for a visit with GM Matt Millen before signing him the other day. During that visit, Johnson left his bags outside the office while he and Millen met inside. When Johnson came out though, his bags were missing. Using the in-house surveillance cameras, the team went to the videotape to see what had happened to the missing valises.

It turns out that the thief was none other than Tatum Bell, the running back Johnson would be brought in to replace and who was due to get released with the addition of Johnson. Bell then did the only sensible thing, he brought the suitcases to the home of one of his fuckbuddies whom he hadn’t seen in months telling the team he thought the suitcases were hers. Which of course make perfect sense, after all, why wouldn’t Millen be meeting with Bell’s ladyfriends in his office the day after cut-down day across the NFL? And why wouldn’t she bring her suitcases to that meeting, I’m sure Millen was hiring her to become an advance scout for the team, that makes the most sense. Bell clearly didn’t know that there were any sort of monitoring equipment. Johnson got his bags back eventually and isn’t pressing any charges, so at least Bell is well-off that way. He did also get released though so, I guess he wasn’t THAT lucky.

02
Sep
08

In a World Where No Man Lives Forever

Today we lost another biggie, Don LaFontaine a master of voiceovers, whose signature, “In a world…” movie trailers was known the world over died Monday from complications from a collapsed lung in Los Angeles.
Lafontaine, 68, began doing voice-overs in the 1960s and voiced trailers for movies as diverse as The Godfather, Terminator 2 and the Simpsons Movie. Among his other accomplishments were some of the greatest eyebrows this side of Omar Sharif. Going to the movies won’t be quite the same anymore. RIP.

h/t to reader Garnold for the story.

02
Sep
08

Give Koyie Hill a Hand

I may be a cynic, but this story is one that really impressed me. Koyie Hill isn’t likely to ever become much more than backup catcher at the major league level, his stats there are less than inspiring, but his recall on Monday to the Cubs is one of the more unlikely stories of the season. That’s because last October, while building a window frame for his home, the wood got stuck in his table saw and when attempting to free it, Hill sliced his thumb, pinkie, ring and middle fingers clear through. Rushing to a hospital, a hand specialist was called in and Hill’s digits were able to be reattached. Knowing he was a ballplayer, when the doctors were fixing his hand, adding some bones into his middle finger to replace ones that were lost, the doctors fixed the hand to fit a baseball perfectly, as Hill says:

Catching is easy. Thank God it wasn’t my left hand. They added enough bones to my middle finger to where it moves some. They had me hold a ball in my left hand to see where my finger was placed so when they sewed it back on it was fixed in a position. So you could say it was actually built for playing baseball now, which is something a baseball player always wanted.

Hill asked the Cubs to keep his injury from the public and after several months of rehab and working with coaches, he was able to get back to his business of playing ball. Even though doctors told him his career was likely over, Hill refused to accept that, finishing the AAA season with a .275 average at Iowa along with 17 home runs, 24 doubles and 64 RBIs in 113 games.

“Now [the hand] is as good, or a little better,” he said. “I’ve been lucky enough to even be able to play. To be back here is a dream come true within itself. I never had a doubt I would play again. I just didn’t know what level and what limitations my hand [was] going to allow me to play.

“The first couple of months, when it was 30 degrees, I felt like I had frozen carrots for fingers. It didn’t feel good to hold a bat, let alone swing it. To make contact was even worse.”

Today, Hill is once more back in the majors, and on a World Series contender no less. While he doesn’t figure to be a major part of the playoffs team, if he even makes the roster, just being back up has to be more than enough for Hill who hasn’t lost his sense of humor throughout this whole ordeal. The hardest part of all this for him? “You had to learn how to give high-fives all over again.”

02
Sep
08

So THAT’s How They Gain All That Weight!

Two Russian sumo wrestlers tested positive for marijuana this morning before a meet in Tokyo and have been since suspended. The two men, aged 26 and 28 go by the names Roho and Hakurozan are also brothers. Local restaurants immediately logged a protest with the sumo federation claiming that this suspension will irreparably damage their livelihoods as the two brothers were responsible for 58% of the local sales of chips and oreos.

02
Sep
08

A Fine Fake-Out From Fernando

From Fernando Perez, a Tampa Bay Rays farmhand ranked as their 17th best prospect, a former Ivy Leaguer who graduated from Columbia with a creative writing degree and who has been nicknamed “Mr. Excitement” comes this awesome fake-out during a Durham Bulls game. This is by far one of the best bits of fakery I’ve ever seen on a baseball diamond and I’d say his nickname appears to be well-earned.




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