Pole dancing is a sport, or so say the women who do it, there’s even a movement to make it an Olympic sport, unlike your normal trip to the local strip club on a Wednesday afternoon — I know, you go just for the lunch buffet — the competitions for pole dancing are serious and don’t involve stripping.
This competition in Moscow doesn’t feature any stripping but it does feature the worst thing that can happen to a pole dancer. Well, besides Dennis Rodman coming into the strip club…
Can you imagine how angry you’d be if you responded to an ad on Craigslist offering “golf lessons” and instead of practicing chipping from the rough you instead were meeting with a hooker! I mean, the nerve! According to the Sarasota, FL Sheriff’s office 36-year-old Melanie Kozik met with undercover detectives in a sting operation after they responded to her ad.
When she (unknowingly) met the police she told them she used to work in lingerie stores that had been closed for prostitution activities — which she participated in. She later told officers she earned about $1,500 a week disguising her prostitution as “golf lessons.”
Prospective clients would call and set up an appointment, using “golf lessons” as a code term when really they would just go to her apartment and get banged by a hooker. America!
I like Melanie’s ingenuity but I am most concerned about the golfers in the Sarasota area, won’t anyone think of these men who just wanted to work on their slice and slapping their balls around and instead received a very different service; victim-less crime my ass.
[My Suncoast via Bad Jocks]
If you think I’m not going to post a 97-foot pumpkin cannon that can launch a bowling ball-sized pumpkin (or a bowling ball) over a mile than this must be your first day on my blog.
The cannon, built by farmer John Gill and Gary Arold in Ulster County, NY shoots its payload out at 600+ miles per hour and, tilted at 45 degrees, shoots 3,500 feet in the air. The friends built the cannon in 2006 after seeing another, smaller one and deciding they could top it.
97-foot-long barrel that shoots gourds roughly 4,000 feet, at a speed of 600 miles per hour. Tilted at a 45-degree angle, the cannon shoots about 3,500 feet high. Gill, a corn and vegetable farmer, and his construction buddy Gary Arold, built the pumpkin cannon in 2006 after they saw a friend’s smaller model.
The items shot out the cannon include pumpkins, scuba tanks, a basketball filled with corn and foam installation and of course, the bowling ball.
“The first time we shot a bowling ball, that’s was probably the worst thing we ever did,” Arold says. “It kept going and going and going.”
Awesome. I want in.
[Times Herald Record via Gizmodo]
Calling itself one of the most dangerous races in the world, a mere 136 competitors have signed up for the Jungle Marathon 2009 race. The seven-day 222km marathon makes its way through the Amazon rainforest near Para, Brazil. The runners will face intense heat and humidity as well as poisonous snakes, tarantulas, jaguars and many other dangers.
Dave Cowan, a Scot grocery store manager and father-of-one is one of the participants, kilt and all, hoping to raise £2000 for the children’s hospice charity CHAS.
He said, “I’ve put in hours and hours of training and I’ve been so focused on this for so long I need it to be done now.
“I’m like a coiled spring ready to be let go.
“When I watched the marathon on television I saw people having to be fitted with drips and be carried away.
“That’s what pushed me to see where my limit is.
Like the other participants, Cowan will carry all his food and equipment with him through the course in a backpack weighing nearly 30 pounds through a place where at night it “cools” down to a balmy 80 degrees.
Once the race begins Sunday, you can follow Dave and all the other racers via the Jungle Marathon website.
At the beginning of the semester, the freshman residents of South Residence Hall on Marshall University’s campus were awfully confused, “who is that old guy wandering around here all the time?” they must have asked themselves. A few weeks into the beginning of the semester Mike Hamrick (far right) was even stopped by one of the RAs who wanted to know what he was doing there. Hamrick explained that he lived in the dorm and then pointed at the all-girls wing, saying his room was down there. That must have seemed awfully creepy to the RA.
Hired in July as the school’s new Athletic Director, when he moved from Las Vegas Hamrick informed school President Stephen Kopp that he would need some temporary housing. “He got back to me and said ‘I’ve got a really great apartment for you’ and I said great,” Hamrick said. “He said it is in a residence hall and I said ‘Great, I can’t wait!'”
So now the 52-year-old 1980 Marshall grad is back where it all started, reliving his college experience; he hangs out eating pizza, watches sports with the other guys in the lounge and does his laundry on Sunday afternoons like any other freshman. No word if he has had any awkward walks-of-shame as yet.
“At first, the students looked at me kind of funny like ‘who is this old guy?'” Hamrick said. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an athletic director living in a freshman residence hall.”
He’s having fun with the situation, getting to know the students, he even went to school with one of the RA’s mom! The other day while doing laundry a student came up to Hamrick,
“He said, ‘Excuse me sir, I’m not trying to be rude, but what are you doing,'” Hamrick said.
When Hamrick replied that he was doing laundry, the student then informed him it was a freshman residence hall. “I told him I live here and he said, ‘You’re a freshman?'” Hamrick said.
Hamrick said he jokingly told the student he was a 52-year-old freshman who had been out in the world and decided to return to college.
“After about ten minutes, I finally told him that I am the new athletic director,” he said.
…”I feel like Rodney Dangerfield [in Back to School],” he joked. “To be honest, it’s made me feel young. I graduated in 1980 and living in the dorm makes me feel like I never left.”
At the end of the semester Hamrick’s wife will join him in Huntington and he will move off campus to his new home. In the meantime he’s emailing back and forth with his daughter, a freshman at the University of Nevada-Reno comparing freshman dorm experiences.
My recommendation is that if Hamrick wants the kids to really like him, he better man up and start buying the freshman some beer. After all, who is going to bust the Athletic Director for throwing a party? Also, he better pull his weight during the dorm water-gun assassins tournament or there will be hell to pay!
For the longest time I didn’t know that netball was a sport, I thought it was just a weird New Zealand and Australian way of saying volleyball, I was wrong, it’s a real sport! One I find bizarre and don’t totally get, but still, a sport.
While attending the Sydney World Masters Games tournament in western Australia, the women’s netball team out of Greymouth, New Zealand were forced to change their name by tournament officials who were concerned about a “possible double-meaning.”
The Master Baiters whose name refers solely to the practice of Whitebaiting — the act of catching White Bait, a herring-like fish instead were forced to change their name to the Master Netters.
Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. I can’t believe the organizers thought that the Master Baiters had some double-entendre, can’t some women refer to catching fish without getting accused of having sex on their brains! It’s just WRONG!
[3 News]
Jemal Tkeshelashvili is an 18-year-old Georgian judo champion but he has other talents too, like bursting hot water bottles using only his nose.
“My first and childhood dream is to become an Olympic champion [in judo], and I am sure I will do it for Georgia,” he says. In the meantime, he’s dominating these hot water bottles.
Ever the showman, Jemal also likes to give himself a degree of difficulty by bursting a hot wattle bottle while a man sits on it. Ta-da!
The official record for this is currently held by American Brian Jackson (USA! USA!) who did it in 50.8 seconds, Tkeshelashvili’s times are yet to be certified.
[ESPN and First Coast News]
Sometimes you’re just especially unlucky when trying to attack strangers on the street. Dean Gardner, 19, and Jason Fender, 22, two local toughs in Swansea, Wales saw two men walking in front of them in ladies clothes and figured them as easy marks. So they brazenly walk up to them, and the bare-chested Gardner starts throwing punches.
That’s when Gardner and Fender’s luck went to shit, the two men they attacked are trained cage-fighters. Immediately after Gardner tried to attack them, one of the men, dressed in a smashing short black dress, stockings and suspenders and on his way to a party comes up and knocks both Gardner and Fender out with one punch each.
The two thugs try to scurry away, but all concussed they find it a struggle to walk and ended up being caught by police shortly thereafter as they tried to recover from their wounds. The cage-fighters then pick their purses back up off the ground and go on their way.
Because it was in the UK, there was CCTV footage of the incident available , so you can appreciate the idiocy of these two guys firsthand. Both attackers were quite drunk, and had only a few minutes before attacked a man dressed in a Spiderman outfit.
Mark Davies, who is defending these two idiots in court told the judge, “Unfortunately they were extremely drunk, and you know it cannot have been a good night when you get into a fight with Spiderman and two cross-dressing men.” A bit of an understatement but, yeah, very true.
They were both sentenced to 4-months community service and must wear an electronic tracker as well as pay the prosecution costs.
[Sky News]
At the age of 50, Jerry Johncock began running, in the 31 years since he has competed in more than 400 races, from 5Ks to 50ks and over 100 marathons; last year in the Twin Cities Marathon he set the US marathon record for men ages 80-84. This year during the same marathon he arrived at mile 21 with a problem.
Johncock desperately needed to urinate but he wasn’t able to get anything out. Having had a similar issue in the past, he recognized it as being caused by a blood clot in his urethra. Race officials at the aid station didn’t have anything to help him and were recommending he go to the hospital. However, since he started racing Johncock has never dropped out of a race.
“I wanted to finish. I didn’t want to go to the hospital.” He explained afterwards. An onlooker in the crowd heard about the issue and volunteered that he just happened to have a spare catheter in his car.
“I said, ‘Oh, you saved my life. And you saved my marathon.'” Then, in a feat much more impressive than his racing records, Johncock inserted the catheter into his own john-cock, “What a relief that was. I must have had a pint of urine inside me,” he said.
Finally relieved, Johncock got back onto the course and finished the marathon with a time of 5:22:17. While he was well off his record pace of 3:59:12 from last year he still placed first in his age group.
I feel lazy and inept compared to this upstanding gentleman. I think if someone told me I had to insert a catheter into myself I would probably just pass out. And to finish the race! Wow! I’m also very intrigued by this by-stander who just drives around with plenty of spare catheters hanging out in his car; who is this person and WHY is he always putting tubes into his pee-hole?
Ever since the Beijing Olympics I’ve been a fan of American sprinter and Rashida Jones doppelganger, Lolo Jones. Thankfully ESPN is releasing their much ballyhooed “The Body Issue” edition of the otherwise useless ESPN the Magazine where she is prominently featured. For this issue ESPN photographed various athletes (tastefully) nude and to highlight some of these incredible athletic bodies. I for one am most thankful they included Lolo.
Here is one of the photos they took, click on it to see a slightly more NSFW version complete with butt crack!
She seemed down with it all too, saying:
It was pretty cool and the whole shoot was done in a very tasteful and discreet way. The whole premise behind the shoot was not to create sex appeal, but to portray a strong, beautiful, athletic woman and I think we achieved that. I’m not very comfortable in those situations, in fact I’m quite conservative. But the whole crew helped me through any unease, and I felt a lot more contented with the shoot when I thought of it as being just like a drug test.
I can only hope this leads to many similar photos of Ms. Jones and none of fellow Bodies Issue photographee Joba Chamberlain.
Last night Ben Roethlisberger stopped by WWE Monday Night Raw, alas, he was totally spontaneously interrupted by Big Show and Chris Jericho. Showing the same poise that he has in the pocket, Ben sidestepped their aggression and called an audible, bringing out his offensive line. They squared off against Big Show for a moment before he cut his losses and left.
At least briefly. This time when Big Show returned Roethlisberger had even more help on his side when the tag-team D-Generation X came out and joined forces with the assembled Steelers. The Big Show was scared off and so there’s only two things to do, DANCE and PREEN!
[WWE]
Why is it I keep learning of these events I would DOMINATE too late? Greenville, Michigan held a prestigious biking event over the weekend, forget the Tour de France and instead gear yourself up for the Tour de Donut!
With 150 riders enlisted, the 30-mile race has designated glazed doughnut stops every 10 miles. For every doughnut downed by a rider the race organizers took 3 minutes off his or her time.
The most important rule, no vomiting; hurl and you’re disqualified.
Ryan King took home the championship, winning the award for most doughnuts eaten, tying with two others with eating 10, in addition King had the fastest overall time.
Presumably he developed adult-onset diabetes immediately after he stopped pedaling.
[AP and photos courtesy of Lance Booth]
The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
The Slanch Report 
Recent Comments