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11
Aug
09

Reggie Answers Back to Jealous Fly-By

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Basketball, Douches and Hot Women
Tags: , , ,

Yesterday we mentioned Reggie Miller getting called out via plane banner by Alex Von Furstenberg for hitting on AVF’s fiancee, Ali Kay. Today, Reggie is getting his side of the story out. TMZ, the epic smut-dealers of society have obtained from Reggie(?) two flirtatious photos that Kay sent the former basketball star, one of her in bed and another of her in a bikini. Sassy!

0811_miller_female_ex

According to Miller, the two began a flirtatious relationship in March, with theoretically nothing consumated. Reggie also insists that he ended the flirty texting by deleting her from his phone in April, because that sounds like something a normal dude would do, delete a ridiculously hot girl from your phone just cuz… Reggie’s version also has ALI reinstigating contact and wondering why he dropped off, which led to AVF getting jealous and angry, becoming threatening and then hiring people to follow Miller.

Being rich is tough.

That said, this Ali Kay girl is super hot but she better be worth all this fervor AVF, otherwise you just made a giant asshole out of yourself.

[TMZ]

11
Aug
09

Those Trojans are Fabulous Fellows

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches and Football
Tags: , ,

Last year we saw Pete Carroll and his USC Trojans team hanging out with their shirts off and lots of embracing. I thought that was a bit, hmm, homoerotic? Well, this clip of the Trojans getting together and singing “Lean on Me” while Carroll accompanies on the piano tops that by about a thousand.

And just because the team was doing this as hazing for a freshman doesn’t make it better or OK.

[With Leather]

11
Aug
09

Kenny Williams, Pay the Man

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Baseball and Douches
Tags: , , , , ,

duvw7zzdFresh off bailing the Toronto Blue Jays out by taking the horrible contract of Alex Rios off their hands, the city of Seattle noticed White Sox GM Kenny Williams walking around and figured since he was so generous why not help out the city budget some too. In Seattle to see his team take on the Mariners, Williams was nabbed by the police for the horrible crime of jaywalking outside the stadium, something they also nailed Manny Ramirez for last season.

Exiting a cab and heading towards the stadium, Kenny crossed the street without using the crosswalk. Williams informed the officer who stopped him that in Chicago people cross the streets everywhere, not just at the crosswalks. The officer informed him that’s not how things are done in Seattle, handing him a $56 ticket and sending him on his way.

[Seattle Times via Deadspin]

11
Aug
09

So, Now You Know About A-Rod’s Junk

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Douches
Tags:

Twins Yankees BaseballFrom the NY Post’s incredibly old and irrelevant gossip mongerer Cindy Adams comes this tidbit:

SO, these friends were at the bar in The Foundry in the Meatpacking District. Professional womanizer Alex Rodriguez, who now and then squeezes in a few hours with the Yankees, arrives with his newest temp — Kate Hudson. A quickie bar pit stop, then to their table, a butter pat away from my friends who also by now were seated. One of these friends had to use the men’s room. And while he’s in the gents’, in comes A-Rod. Now, having seen Alex up close, I can tell you exactly about his face. Never having shared a urinal with him, I cannot tell you about his other varying parts. I am now told, however — and reliably so — that there are reasons he scores big in RBIs.

Ugh. I can’t wait for herpes to rot his junk away.

[NY Post]

11
Aug
09

Bernard Pollard Has One Skill

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Douches and Football
Tags: , , ,

BradyStill in the first quarter of the first game, the New England Patriots’ season came tumbling down after Kansas City’s Bernard Pollard came in on a blitz and exploded Brady’s left knee by running into it. Matt Cassel stepped in and ably guided the Patriots, but obviously was  not on the level of Brady.

Well, Bernard is BACK in action in the Chiefs training camp activities and courtesy of Sports Illustrated’s Peter King comes this story. Normally, during training camp the quarterbacks wear red non-contact jerseys. Well, just as it happened last season, Pollard came in on a blitz and the running back who was supposed to block him gave an ole-style hit instead. Going low to take on the block, Pollard instead — just as it happened with Brady — stumbled and came crashing towards Cassel’s knee.

“MOVE!” Pollard yelled, but it was too late. He rolled into Cassel, the Chiefs’ new $63 million QB and his left leg. Fortunately for the Chiefs, Pollard was able to slow himself and merely tapped his QB’s knee. Cassel was fine, he flexed the leg a few times and then got back to business, after some of his offensive mates gave Pollard some shoves.

“Pretty weird,” a smiling Cassel told King, “Yeah, I realized it.”

When King approached Pollard about the play, the safety said, “I got to the sidelines after that play and I realized what happened, and I thought, — OH MY GOD! It’s like a replay.”

Sigh. I dislike Bernard.

[Monday Morning Quarterback, Sports Illustrated]

11
Aug
09

Ecstasy and Steroid Dealing, Body Burning Swim Coach Can’t Catch a Break

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches, Other Sports and Random
Tags: , , , ,

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Canadian swimming coach Cecil Russell has had a long circuitous route towards being reinstated by the Canadian Centre for Ethics in Sport. Unfortunately, Russell’s latest appeal was denied, with an adjudicator upholding the lifetime ban that Russell received in 1997 for being involved in a steroid trafficking ring.

In 1999, Russell applied for reinstatement for the first time. He was denied. A year later Russell became involved in another drug smuggling ring, getting arrested and spending 4 years in a Spanish prison for his part in an ecstasy ring.

Despite his misdeeds, there has been no evidence that Russell ever gave ANY of his swimmers drugs.

That said, Russell has also admitted during the murder trial of a former “associate” that he helped burn and dispose the body. Which makes him a VERY versatile swimming coach. That doesn’t seem to bother the Canadians though, who are instead much more concerned with the fact that Russell has been working as a “personal trainer” at the Dolphins Swim Club in Ontario.

Under his ban, Russell is not allowed to do that. Paul Melia, president and CEO of the CCES feels very strongly about this:

“I continue to wonder what parents are thinking when they knowingly disregard the ban imposed on Mr. Russell and expose their children to this potential harm. I have to ask myself whether for some parents chasing success is more important than playing by the rules?”

HE CHOPPED UP A BODY AND BURNED IT and your concern is that he’s breaking some SWIMMING rules?!!!!? I am flabbergasted.

In denying his latest reinstatement bid, adjudicator Graeme Mew wrote in his decision that:

This is not a decision about whether or not Mr. Russell is a good coach. Rather, I have to decide whether there are ‘exceptional circumstances’ which warrant his reinstatement. In my opinion, the sands having shifted since more evidence has emerged, Mr. Russell has failed, on a balance of probabilities, to discharge his onus of establishing that the conditions for reinstatement are met at this time.

[Ottawa Citizen]

10
Aug
09

Where the Married Women At?

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Basketball, Douches and Hot Women
Tags: , , ,

article-1205333-05FE7998000005DC-0_468x286_popup

It’s not certain who hired a plane to fly around several southern California beaches trailing a sign reading “Reggie Miller Stop Pursuing Married Women,” but whomever it was has a great sense of humor. The expensive stunt likely was done by Alex Von Furstenberg (son of fashion designer Diane) who had a restraining order written up, but never filed, against the former Indiana Pacers star.

Reportedly, Miller met Ali Kay, Von Furstenberg’s fiancee, at a party last July, in March of this year he bumped into her in a grocery store and then waited an hour outside the store until she came out. I always thought that was CHARMING, not stalking…He then sent her 53 text messages over the period of 4 hours. In addition, Reggie stopped by the surf store that Von Furstenberg owns and, according to AVF, “‘[Miller] said he had friends with guns. He implied I would get hurt if I didn’t stop questioning him on his inappropriate pursuit of my fiancee and his attempts to subvert his efforts.”

In a later statement issued by Von Furstenberg and his attorney, Alex said, “I was very upset about Reggie’s behavior towards my fiancée. I think people in Malibu share my views that being a famous basketball player should not provide some sort of shield against inappropriate behaviour. Reggie sincerely apologized to me on a phone call with Ronald Richards, his attorney, and myself. I cannot comment further on the matter as I believe it has been resolved.”

So, perhaps it wasn’t AVF and instead was another (attempted) cuckold husband? Look out ladies of Malibu, Reggie’s on the prowl!

At least Reggie has really good taste, as evidenced by this photo of AVF and his fiancee Ali Kay. Yowzers!

article-1205333-0602DCA3000005DC-457_468x675[Daily Mail]

05
Aug
09

Smoke Weed Every Day

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Douches and Football
Tags: , ,

charles-rogersThe biggest joke of the NFL draft every year is when are the Lions going to take ANOTHER wide-receiver. After taking one with their first pick multiple years in a year, much to the detriment of the team, the Lions finished last season as the worst team in NFL history. Success!

One of the biggest bust picks for them was Charles Johnson, a receiver out of Michigan State who was supposed to help stretch the field and be a dynamic play-maker. Instead, he corraled 36 passes for 440 yards and a mere 4 TDs over three seasons, taking nearly as many trips to the Injured Reserve list as to the end-zone.

One of reasons Rogers never lived up to the hype of being the number 2 overall selection? In an interview with ESPN’s Outside the Lines Rogers admitted that he used to smoke weed “every day.”

Since the Lions dropped him like a bad habit, Rogers has had various legal problems, and is yet to find another NFL team willing to take a chance on him.

Considering that EVERY SINGLE YEAR he was in college he FAILED a drug test, I for one, am SHOCKED by this revelation. Having signed a 6-year contract when he was drafted, including $14.2 million in guranteed bonuses ($8.5 million of which he was forced to pay back to the team), that can definitely buy you more than a couple ounces of some fine-ass hydro…

I mean, I’ve heard…

[Detroit Free-Press]

03
Aug
09

Yankees Go Green With Envy

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome, Baseball and Douches
Tags: , , ,

Carl Pavano was so ineffectual and rarely seen on the field for the New York Yankees that the team’s DL became derisively known as the “Pavano.” In 4 seasons as a Yankee, Pavano won a grand total of 9 games, meaning that the Yanks effectively paid him $4+ million per win. This season, after signing a 1-year $1.5 million contract with the Indians, Pavano has already won 9 games this season, in 20 less innings than he threw over the course of Yankees tenure.

The Yankees clearly are disappointed, so much so they’ve gone green with envy — or at least their old home has. The destruction of the old Yankee Stadium is taking a little while, and in the meantime, nature has weeded her way back in. Where once fat, obnoxious, disgusting New York Yankees fans bellowed and hollered, now weeds, vines and other fauna are working their way through the concrete.

4853242

[WCBS]

23
Jul
09

Mattingly Spits, Not Swallows (His Pride)

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball and Douches
Tags: , ,

20090722-232212-pic-900632050_t607I don’t know how or why it is, but ball-players sure do seem to spit more than the average person. Maybe it’s the wide expanse of green that makes them salivate more but regardless, spitting is an integral part of the game.

Growing up in the Yankees clubhouse, Taylor (son of Don) Mattingly must have seen thousands upon thousands of spittle projectiles launched. Now 24, the former 42nd round pick of the Yankees in 2003 was arrested Tuesday night for battery and criminal mischief after allegedly pushing his mother and then spitting in her face. 

I love family reunions!

The reason he was so upset? Taylor’s mom reportedly sent him a text message insulting his girlfriend and father. Taylor was also upset that his mother had canceled the cable at the family’s ranch where he was staying. Which of course, led to him flipping over tables and breaking windows. Standard fare really.

I for one am not surprised, I mean, I look at this mug-shot and all I can see is giant douchebag. In fact, I’m submitting this photo to wikipedia for the douchebag definition page.

[Courier Press]

16
Jul
09

Bring the Pain

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches and Tennis
Tags: , ,

C_67_article_2054152_body_articleblock_0_bodyimageMark Pain was the tennis coach at the Reading Tennis Club in olde England, that is until a group of 14 year old girls noticed him masturbating in his car. Parked in front of the Whitley Sexual Health Clinic, the 49 year old was full-on pleasuring himself when the girls espied him and reported it to authorities.

The prosecuting attorney, Andrew Isaacs had this to say regarding the incident:

It was around 8pm on Tuesday, May 19, in the car park of the clinic in Northumberland Avenue. He was in his car and wearing a black baseball cap and T-shirt. [The girls] noticed the car was parked and he was just sitting there. [One girl] looked into the car and could see he was masturbating. The girls waited at a nearby bus stop and he drove past them slowly and did this about eight times. The girl who saw this [the masturbating] take place described how she was frightened by what was happening and was concerned about the number of times he drove past. The two others said they knew what the individual was doing was wrong but were not sure what to do.

Reportedly Pain told police he had just finished playing tennis and started to “feel himself.”

After the hearing Pain announced “I am quitting my job.” You don’t say? I always knew the Brits were understated but that’s just impressive. Also, go Giants, right?! Ha.

[Get Reading]

16
Jul
09

Fox Blows it With Their Whorish Ways

By slanch 20 Comments
Categories: Baseball, Douches and Television
Tags: , ,

I don’t watch crappy television, so I’ve never seen Fringe on Fox, they however are desperate to try and get me to by putting a subtle plug for it in last night’s All Star game. When President Obama threw the ceremonial first pitch, they added in a blatant advertisement for the show.

Obama_pitch_Fox_Fringe_fail
That creepy bald dude is apparently some character on Fringe called “The Observer,” nicely done Fox, you just guaranteed I will never EVER watch that show. Now THAT’S marketing!

[The Sporting News]

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