Vodpod videos no longer available.
I used to LOVE playing Hydrothunder a generally lame video game almost solely because I enjoyed the opening screen with the voiceover’s loud “HYDROTHUUUUNNNNDDDDEEER” announcement. So, in honor of that, how about an awesome crash of a hydroplane to get your week started? I thought so.
Jackass’ favorite midget, Wee Man and the rest of the Jackass crew were filming some bits and the big Shaq Diesel stopped by to hang out and participate. Check out the video below as the 7’1″ 340lb Shaq being picked up by the 4’6″ 120lb Wee Man. As well, Shaq humps Wee Man on the ground, Wee Man hits Shaq with a baseball bat in the stomach and Steve-O hits Shaq with a water balloon full of piss. All in all looks like a fun afternoon of filming!
Wow, this PSA from 1988 is amazing. Mario Lemieux, Tony Fernandez AND Bea Arthur? It’s like a dream team I could never even hope to have actually happen, and yet, there it is, real and once broadcast on television. The 80s weren’t so bad after all…
I love streaking. In college I streaked every Thursday and it made the college experience better for everyone. The opportunity to see me naked is one everyone should opt for. Thus when I came across this video of a guy streaking a soccer game in Australia I had to post it. Nathan Roberts is a player on the Virginia B Grade team but is sidelined due to fluid in his lungs, pneumonia and an inflamed liver and spleen. During a recent match between United and Hummocks Watchman Eagles after having “knocked back a few bevvies” it was mentioned that someone should streak. Taking up the offer after $50 was offered, Roberts went for it. The only stipulation was that he had to do a cartwheel while streaking. That, unfortunately, is when the troubles began. Join us as we watch the video (taken by his sister) together in all its grainy digitalized goodness and see what happens. Like any good streaker, Roberts had no regrets, “I like a bit of attention and I’d do it again,” he said. “But I’d up the price.”
Roberts gets tended to after knocking himself unconscious doing a naked cartwheel. He was taken off the field in a stretcher.
How about some blind soccer? Goalies are allowed to be partially sighted, and players with partial sight are required to wear blindfolds.
The women's sitting volleyball matches are hotly contested.
This event is called goalball and all the players are blind or wearing blindfolds. There is a little bell inside the ball to alert players to its presence.
One armed archery? That's just simply too awesome for me to even try and be snarky. Well-played sir.
I may be a cynic, but this story is one that really impressed me. Koyie Hill isn’t likely to ever become much more than backup catcher at the major league level, his stats there are less than inspiring, but his recall on Monday to the Cubs is one of the more unlikely stories of the season. That’s because last October, while building a window frame for his home, the wood got stuck in his table saw and when attempting to free it, Hill sliced his thumb, pinkie, ring and middle fingers clear through. Rushing to a hospital, a hand specialist was called in and Hill’s digits were able to be reattached. Knowing he was a ballplayer, when the doctors were fixing his hand, adding some bones into his middle finger to replace ones that were lost, the doctors fixed the hand to fit a baseball perfectly, as Hill says:
Catching is easy. Thank God it wasn’t my left hand. They added enough bones to my middle finger to where it moves some. They had me hold a ball in my left hand to see where my finger was placed so when they sewed it back on it was fixed in a position. So you could say it was actually built for playing baseball now, which is something a baseball player always wanted.
Hill asked the Cubs to keep his injury from the public and after several months of rehab and working with coaches, he was able to get back to his business of playing ball. Even though doctors told him his career was likely over, Hill refused to accept that, finishing the AAA season with a .275 average at Iowa along with 17 home runs, 24 doubles and 64 RBIs in 113 games.
“Now [the hand] is as good, or a little better,” he said. “I’ve been lucky enough to even be able to play. To be back here is a dream come true within itself. I never had a doubt I would play again. I just didn’t know what level and what limitations my hand [was] going to allow me to play.
“The first couple of months, when it was 30 degrees, I felt like I had frozen carrots for fingers. It didn’t feel good to hold a bat, let alone swing it. To make contact was even worse.”
Today, Hill is once more back in the majors, and on a World Series contender no less. While he doesn’t figure to be a major part of the playoffs team, if he even makes the roster, just being back up has to be more than enough for Hill who hasn’t lost his sense of humor throughout this whole ordeal. The hardest part of all this for him? “You had to learn how to give high-fives all over again.”
From Fernando Perez, a Tampa Bay Rays farmhand ranked as their 17th best prospect, a former Ivy Leaguer who graduated from Columbia with a creative writing degree and who has been nicknamed “Mr. Excitement” comes this awesome fake-out during a Durham Bulls game. This is by far one of the best bits of fakery I’ve ever seen on a baseball diamond and I’d say his nickname appears to be well-earned.
Brian Berg is a world champion cardstacker and showed the full levels of his expertness when, over 20 days(!), he created exact replicas of the Olympic stadiums. The fact that he was able to make the girders and holes that in the Bird’s Nest is simply incredible and very impressive. Then again, to get to that skill level requires years of sitting in your basement building card houses that get knocked over as soon as your Mom comes downstairs with cookies and juice, so there are trade offs I suppose. I definitely don’t have the patience for something like this, I think the first time a card fell off and a whole section came down I’d probably immediately go on another 6 state killing spree, and I just don’t think I can handle that again. Imagine being on a date and telling a girl that you’re a professional card stacker, how long after you drop a bomb like that do they leave, 5 minutes? After dessert? I have to imagine that if you are a pro card stacker though that you’re not getting laid that often anyways, after all, if a project like this takes 20 days you probably don’t have much opportunity…
After months of bilateral negotiations, Bulgarian human superweapon Krasimir Gaydarski has been deployed to Beijing for the Olympics at the host country’s request in order to help prevent any potentially fabulous protests while the games are underway. To maintain cover, he has been assigned a role as a mid-blocker on the men’s volleyball team. Thanks to months of undercover research, we here at The Slanch Report were able to bring you this story, at much personal peril.
No word on how this might affect the international Jonas Brothers futures market.
h/t to loyal reader mattraw
Forget Michael Phelps, everyone else can just pack it in, Australia has the best athlete in all of these games. Ladies and gentleman, I introduce you to Kamikaze, an Australian cyclist. Born James Hildenbrandt, he legally changed his name to Kamikaze. I have no idea if he is a contender of any sorts for any medals but I’m going to say he’s going to dominate and destroy every cycling record that ever existed. Also, when he’s not cycling, Kamikaze is a boilermaker which is totally awesome. You just know that as soon as his events are done Kamikaze is going out on the town and getting rip-roaring drunk, like destructive drunk. We should totally party together. Kamikaze, come to NYC and we’ll have a great time!
I don’t want to lose my blogger street cred, but the Olympics opening ceremonies on Friday were totally, ridiculously amazing; I was blown away by how awesome it was. The ceremony cost over $300 million (that’s even more expensive than Waterworld!), the most expensive by far, and it looks like they took advantage of every penny. The numbers are staggering, 15,000 performers in all, none of whom repeated, which is more performers than there are athletes in the games this year. Even with that many people the precision and coordination of each segment of performers was totally boss, no one was off, no one looked out of place, everything was perfect. Of course, that’s probably because if you screwed up the Chinese government would immediately label you a dissident or something and you’d never be heard from again so…
Director Zhang Yimou put on a show that is going to be extremely difficult to top for a long time. For some reason I don’t think the Vancouver games will have quite the same flair or great stage pictures. The colors of the opening ceremony were so vibrant and striking and combined with the use of the massive LED screen on the floor and the scrim on top the stadium the images from the opening ceremony are going to stick with those who saw it for a while. For a great gallery of images from the ceremony, check out The Big Picture.
The Slanch Report has started an online petition asking the MLB Network to air the Dock Ellis no-hitter he threw on June 12, 1970 against the San Diego Padres. The moment was a seminal piece of baseball history and is certainly worthy of being rerun.
Please join us in this cause and sign the petition below so we can all share in this special and fantastic moment of baseball history. THANKS!
SIGN THE PETITION HERE! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PASS THIS ALONG!
The Slanch Report 
Recent Comments