Posts Tagged ‘Steroids

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14
Jan
09

Father Doesn’t Know Best

By slanch 2 Comments
Categories: Douches
Tags: ,

steroiddadI feel neglected. My father loves me, I guess, but not as much as Todd Gerleman (left) of Iowa loves his son. That’s because Gerleman supplied his son with steroids and needles in order to “motivate” him about sports. What solid parenting! I like sports, Dad why didn’t you want to motivate me like this! I could have been the professional baseball player my body is sculpted for, but NO! my father had to provide me nutritional meals. I feel ripped off. My destiny was averted.

It seems that Gerleman’s 14 year old son (!) didn’t take well with the steroids, assaulting his mother presumably a side-affect from the steroids. When investigators came to her house, they found a syringe and 105 pills in the boy’s bedroom. Now, call me crazy, but I feel like there have to easier (and cheaper) ways to motivate your son. Why not promise an Xbox? Hell, even a hooker costs less than steroids, (at least in my experience).

I wonder if Gerleman was trying to over the ridiculousness of his name which I can’t imagine sounds good over a loudspeaker. “And it is GIRLY-MAN on the tackle!”

[Waterloo Courier]

01
Apr
08

Why Doesn’t Jose Canseco Just Get Lost?

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball and Douches
Tags: , , , , , , ,

When his first book Juiced, came out, Jose Canseco was ultimately proved to have spoken the truth. When he named names they checked out as steroid users (including an off-hand mention of some 7 time Cy Young winner who is a fat greedy man.)

Now, Jose, desperate and with an ax to grind against MLB Jose proclaimed that Alex Rodriguez and Magglio Ordonez were two other players that he KNEW did steroids in his newest book, Vindicated.

However, if he were so sure, since he was personally involved, why did he wait until now to mention them? Were A-Rod and Maggs unknowns then? No, they were both big-name stars, who would have only helped sell his book even more than just the tales of shooting Mcgwire with steroids in a bathroom stall. So that’s the suspicious thing number 1.

Jose has unabashedly admitted that part of the reason he is writing the book is because he feels that he was unfairly blackballed from baseball because of his steroid past. Now, maybe I’m wrong, but as an industry that is trying to clean itself up, it is probably best not to keep hiring a player whose skills were eroding and whose negative media attention would only be a distraction. Joseph Hazelwood captained the Exxon Valdez into a reef, strangely, he was not seen as an eminently hire-able ship captain after that. Was that so unfair?

Continue reading ‘Why Doesn’t Jose Canseco Just Get Lost?’

27
Mar
08

A-Rod Simply “Not Bright Enough”

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Baseball, Conspiracies and Douches
Tags: , , , , ,

In today’s NY Post there is an interview with former bullpen catcher Mike Borzello of the Yankees about Jose Canseco’s most recent steroid allegations against Alex Rodriguez. According to Borzello, who says that “nobody in the last four years, including his wife because she wasn’t on the road, spent more time with Alex than I did,” and that there is simply no way that A-Rod did any illegal performance enhancing drugs.

During the period that Canseco details Borzello didn’t know A-Rod but he claims that Rodriguez might have an occasional beer, but otherwise is “afraid of drugs and alcohol.” Therefore, to Borzello’s mind, there is simply no way that Canseco can be telling the truth.

“In four years I was with him 24 hours a day, and not one time did I ever hear, see or get wind of anything having to do with performance enhancing drugs, steroids, HGH, anything. No way, with as much as this guy trusted me, would he have kept that part of his life secret from me. He trusted me with everything, and I was with him every day all day long. It would have been impossible to show me everything behind the curtain except for this. He is not that bright to be able to pull that off.” [emphasis added]

Continue reading ‘A-Rod Simply “Not Bright Enough”’

26
Mar
08

Eat it Shawn Merriman

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Douches and Football
Tags: , , , ,

The baseball steroid scandal gets all the press and headlines but there is no doubt in my mind that the NFL has just as much an issue, they just have better PR. For example, take a look at Shawn Merriman.

“I eat babies and always cut in line at the supermarket.”

He’s an otherworldly linebacker with a devastating combination of power and speed, and he was suspended 4 games in 2006 for testing positive for steroids. Of course, he then went on to record 15.5 sacks in only 12 games. So he’s a beast. Also, he’s a tool. Further, he’s a member of the San Diego Chargers who feature whiners like Ladanian Tomlinson who complained about the Patriots every time after they have manhandled him and turned him from an MVP into Lamont Jordan. Continue reading ‘Eat it Shawn Merriman’

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