Archive for the 'Golf' Category


340 Yards to the Pin? Gimme the M-16 and Stand Back

Recovered RiflesPGA Tour rules maintain that a golfer can carry no more than 14 clubs in his/her bag during a tournament. There isn’t any limit on how many guns you can carry in the bag as well though. This is a lesson that Juan Gibson, a 16-year-old in Palm Beach, Florida and a friend of his learned after Gibson decided to rob his former neighbor’s house and grab the guns he knew to be there. Of course, transporting 13 guns can be a bit onerous, so Gibson and his friend loaded them into two golf club bags as camouflage.

Then, as any normal 16-year-old toting a mini-arsenal of guns would do, they rode the public bus and headed home. Unluckily, a police officer noted the two boys carrying abnormally heavy golf bags and called in backup to investigate. After being stopped by a patrol unit, the boys started fighting the police and then attempted to make a getaway; Gibson was nabbed but his friend managed to get away. The 13 rifles, shotguns and assault rifles were recovered and returned to their owner, who I’m sure needed to have all of them back, because really, a half-dozen assault rifles is just never enough for home defense, you need that full bakers dozen.



Skip It!

It is hard enough to hit a hole-in-one, let alone to get one by skipping the ball across a water hazard and THEN dropping it in the hole. Well, Vijay Singh did just that this year at the Masters tournament. Sure you could be like, hey, it’s October and that was APRIL, get current, to which I’d respond, “yes, but golf is slow and boring and so it takes at least 6 months for interesting things to be noticed by me.”


“Golf Pro” is Actually a Prostitute

Melanie KozikCan you imagine how angry you’d be if you responded to an ad on Craigslist offering “golf lessons” and instead of practicing chipping from the rough you instead were meeting with a hooker! I mean, the nerve! According to the Sarasota, FL Sheriff’s office 36-year-old Melanie Kozik met with undercover detectives in a sting operation after they responded to her ad.

When she (unknowingly) met the police she told them she used to work in lingerie stores that had been closed for prostitution activities — which she participated in. She later told officers she earned about $1,500 a week disguising her prostitution as “golf lessons.”

Prospective clients would call and set up an appointment, using “golf lessons” as a code term when really they would just go to her apartment and get banged by a hooker. America!

I like Melanie’s ingenuity but I am most concerned about the golfers in the Sarasota area, won’t anyone think of these men who just wanted to work on their slice and slapping their balls around and instead received a very different service; victim-less crime my ass.

[My Suncoast via Bad Jocks]


Don’t Call Him a Billionaire

Tiger Woods Giant CheckYesterday at a press conference for the President’s Cup, Tiger Woods was asked how it feels after a report in Forbes Magazine claimed he is the world’s first billionaire athlete.

“Well, one, I haven’t, so I don’t know where that number came from,” he laughingly responded.

Forbes, who say their numbers can’t be 100% accurate arrived at their conclusion after looking at his tournament winnings, endorsements, appearance fees and Tiger’s golf-course design business. Toss in that he just took home a $10 million check for winning the FedEx Cup over the weekend and if he a billionaire yet, he sure as hell will be soon.

It’s good to be Tiger.

[NBC Sports]


SF Tells Jordan to Take the Stog Out of His Mouth

pga_g_jordan1_300In town for the President’s Cup golf tournament at Harding Park, Michael Jordan received a polite chastising from the folks that run the course. A photo of Jordan — who is serving as an honorary assistant to US captain Fred Couples — puffing on a cigar during a practice round caused the controversy.

Owned by the city, Harding Park is a smoke-free facility, even out on the course, and so Recreation and Parks general manager Phil Ginsburg sent an e-mail to the PGA Tour.  “It was a gentle nudge reminding them that smoking is illegaland that we would appreciate their support.”

It seems that Jordan knew he wasn’t allowed to do it, but said, “Fuck it, I’m Michael Jordan,” which, to be fair, he is. He told that he “heard this is a public place, so they limit what you can smoke. I’m not even supposed to be smoking, but this was a practice round and no one said anything.”

In a perfect world, Jordan likes to smoke a minimum of three cigars per round. A violation of the smoking ban can cost as much as a $100 fine, and methinks Jordan probably has that in the bank.

“But don’t expect me to ask him for it,” city attorney’s spokesman Matt Dorsey told the SF Chronicle.



Bikini Golfer Strokes Her Way Out of Trouble

I’m only posting this video as a public service to remind people how helpful and important it is to receive proper instruction in golf. Look at how her coach has helped this young bikinied lass to work through her issues with sand traps and improve her lay.

Just say what she needs to do to make it better and she’ll do it.

[With Leather]


Man Throws Thousands of Golf Balls Into Park

misc_golf_ballsIn a bizarre and misguided attempt to pay tribute to dead golfers everywhere, 57-year-old Douglas Jones went to the Joshua Tree National Park and threw upwards of 3,000 golf balls into the “giant sand trap.”

Starting in 2007, park rangers “began discovering large quantities of golf balls in some turnout areas of the park,” said park spokesman Joe Zarki. “We were wondering what was going on here. There were also some tennis balls involved.”

In addition to the golf (and tennis) balls, random cans of fruit and vegetables would be scattered throughout the park with park literature surrounding them.

Finally, this summer rangers caught up to Jones, who admitted to the charges.

“He said he did it because he wanted to honor all the golfers who had died,” Zarki said. “He left the cans of fruit and vegetables supposedly for the assistance of stranded hikers. He wanted to leave his mark.”

While rangers had initially thought someone was hitting the balls into the park, it turns out that Jones was just throwing them from his car.

Contrary to what rangers originally thought, Jones wasn’t chipping golf balls into the desert with a club. He was hurling them from his car.

Jones lives with his 84-year-old father, also Douglas, who had no idea about his sons activities until reporters called him.

“It certainly sounds strange,” his father said. “He hikes out in Joshua Tree every three months or so and he golfs maybe once a week. But I don’t know where he would get that many golf balls.”

Considering that the younger Jones works at a golf course, I have a hunch on how he might have acquired so many balls…

[LA Times]

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December 2019
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