Jill Howe is a 15 year old Cubs fan who has a lifetime of anguish ahead of her. Fortunately, her teachers at Elgin High School in suburban Chicago are helping make that anguish come sooner rather than later by making her remove her Kosuke Fukudome jersey because it was deemed obscene. Howe was forced by the school’s dean to take off her shirt and put on a gym shirt instead. Immediately after being reprimanded Howe called her mother, another big Cubs fan and relayed the story. Her mother than called the dean, “I told her anyone’s last name can be misconstrued,” Nancy Howe said.
For example, take this statement from Nancy Howe relating to the purchase of the offending jersey, “[Jill’s] a big Cubs fan, and we got the jersey at Dick’s. We were going to get a [Kerry] Wood one, but it cost more.”
Sounds dirty!
To be fair, I think most Cubs fans would agree at this moment that Fukudome IS a dirty word, particularly after his futile efforts from I dunno, say June and forward.
Eventually the dean learned the proper pronunciation and allowed Howe to redon her soon-to-be-doomed apparel. Jill understood the confusion, saying that students sometimes will try to make a joke out of Fukudome’s name (ooooh I get it! It has something to do with asking someone to have intercourse with oneself right?!?!?!) saying “Some people like to be stupid about it.” I can’t decide if she’d have been better off with the Wood jersey or not.
The Slanch Report 
hilarious. r.i.p. sensibility.
better make sure we get rid of all instances and references to: screws, screwdrivers, shiitake mushrooms, shih tzu dogs, my cunt-ry tis of thee, and rusty kuntz.