The Slanch Report

The Onion is always good, but sometimes they just knock it out of the park, like in this article from which I will quote liberally. Read the whole article because it is absolutely fabulous and makes me happy in every way.

LOS ANGELES—In what many agreed was perhaps the surest bet in all of sports, former Violators player, coach, and all-around legend Bill Bellamy was elected to the Rock ‘N’ Jock Basketball Hall of Fame Tuesday.

Bellamy, who was the first player ever to receive 100 percent of the vote, leads a 2009 Hall of Fame class that includes former Blossom star Joey Lawrence, Mark Curry, and Shawn Kemp, as well as Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, chosen for their legendary 1991 halftime performance of “Good Vibrations.”

Coolio and Isaiah Rider were also selected by the Rock ‘N’ Jock Veterans Committee, which consists of Kenny Lofton and Boyz II Men.

Former Bricklayer Dean Cain, who received only 5 percent of the vote, was snubbed for the eighth consecutive year and is no longer eligible for induction.

“This is a tremendous honor and one that I do not take for granted,” Bellamy told reporters, adding that while he had known his place in the Hall was virtually secure, he had spent the week nervously awaiting the call from Hall of Fame chairman and Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea. “When I heard Flea’s voice telling me I’d made it, tears came to my eyes. I was just overwhelmed with memories of putting on that Violator uniform and lavalier microphone and seeing the 25-point basket lowered for the first time.”

“I am very humbled,” Bellamy added. “I owe this to all the people I had the opportunity to play with and against, including [current Hall of Famers] Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Queen Latifah, and, of course, Dan [Cortese]. Thank you. Thank you all so much.”

“Now I have to get going. I’m hosting a new reality television show where white guys date black women. It’s funny.”

[The Onion]