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11
Aug
09

So, Now You Know About A-Rod’s Junk

By slanch 3 Comments
Categories: Baseball and Douches
Tags:

Twins Yankees BaseballFrom the NY Post’s incredibly old and irrelevant gossip mongerer Cindy Adams comes this tidbit:

SO, these friends were at the bar in The Foundry in the Meatpacking District. Professional womanizer Alex Rodriguez, who now and then squeezes in a few hours with the Yankees, arrives with his newest temp — Kate Hudson. A quickie bar pit stop, then to their table, a butter pat away from my friends who also by now were seated. One of these friends had to use the men’s room. And while he’s in the gents’, in comes A-Rod. Now, having seen Alex up close, I can tell you exactly about his face. Never having shared a urinal with him, I cannot tell you about his other varying parts. I am now told, however — and reliably so — that there are reasons he scores big in RBIs.

Ugh. I can’t wait for herpes to rot his junk away.

[NY Post]

11
Aug
09

Tulo Adds the Cycle to His Resume

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , , ,

rockies15In 1933 Major League Baseball saw 8 cycles happen. This season there have already been 6 which anecdotally seems like the most in recent years. It turns out though that 2000, 2001, 2006 each saw 5 cycles happen and 2004 had 6 cycles in a season, so this year, in fact,  isn’t that abnormal. It sure FEELS like there are a lot more cycles this year though with Troy Tulowitzki pulling off the feat last night thanks to a VERY generous decision from the hometown Coors Field scorer. Thus making 2009 the 4th season to feature 6 cycles in a year.

After rocketing a line drive down the third-base line, Alfonso Soriano booted fielding the ball initially, combine that with an AWFUL relay that ended up skipping past third and going to home instead, Tulo chugged into third, awarded with a “hit.”

The coolest thing about his cycle is that Tulo is now the second player in MLB history to have an unassisted triple play and a cycle, joining former Red Sox player John Valentin in the exclusive club. Not too shabby for a player in just his 3rd season. Methinks we’ll see a lot more record book performances out of young master Tulowitzki before he finally hangs ’em up.

10
Aug
09

Nats Ballgirl Remains Immune to Win Streak

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Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , ,

The Nationals are in the midst of a 8 game win streak, which coincides nicely with my Red Sox precipitious drop to mediocrity over the last week. Fortunately, as good as the players have been on the field, the ball girls haven’t transitioned to become all-stars too.

I definitely appreciate someone who can laugh at themselves though. Which, I’d imagine is a pretty important part of being a Nationals fan in the first place. Also, I want to be the ball-boy (girl) at the park, that seems like great fun.

[Barstool Sports]

10
Aug
09

Michelle Wie Has a Potty Mouth

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Categories: Baseball and Golf
Tags: , ,

Michelle Wie took some time out of her schedule to stop by Dodgers Stadium over the weekend and throw out the first pitch. In addition she took part in an impromptu putting session with beefy Dodgers closer Jonathan Broxton. After all that she took the time to speak with Fox Sports and drop an innocuous “kick ass” on TV. Fun! She seems just like any other normal, super-athletic 19 year old superstar.

10
Aug
09

Weiner Looks Like One Too

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball and Boston
Tags: , ,

David+Ortiz+Press+Conference+eubpPAHUdX7lHey Michael Weiner, so, it’s your first major press conference as the soon-to-be Executive Director of the MLB Players Association, the site is Yankee Stadium in the midst of a Red Sox/Yankees series and the issue at hand is David Ortiz responding to steroid allegations. What are you going to do hotshot? What. Do. You. Do. Call me crazy, but maybe throw a tie on? Button the shirt? Run a comb, or even your hand through your hair?

What’s going on Weiner, you just wake up? Struggle with that tough choice that all men are faced with, leave 3 or 4 buttons undone?

I know it was 11 am on a Saturday, but really, looking presentable is too much? I’m all for casual, but Weiner looked like total shit at this press conference, meanwhile Ortiz looks stylin’. If I’m in the Players Association I’m asking “This is the guy we’ve chosen to represent us?” He looks like a random insane person plucked off the side of the street to sit alongside Ortiz. Seriously, look at that picture again and tell me it doesn’t seem like Weiner has to wear aluminum foil to prevent the aliens from listening in on his thoughts…

07
Aug
09

The Giants Fail at Bobbleheads

By slanch 8 Comments
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

0807_miller_bobblehead

Bobblehead promotions are one of the easiest ways to entice fans to come to the ballpark; after all, who doesn’t love free collectibles of their favorite players? Unlike the Cleveland Indians who know how to make the coolest and most interesting bobbleheads (here, here and here), the San Francisco Giants marketing staff has some work to do. That is, unless you’re some HUGE Jon Miller fan…

I know I’ve been waiting my WHOLE life for the chance to have Miller’s bobbing Hawaiian-shirted visage grace my home. And look at that smile! Now isn’t that precisely what you want staring at you as you doze off to sleep at night?

I thought promotions were something you were supposed to get you to WANT to go to the game…Do not WANT.

[San Francisco Giants]

06
Aug
09

Supposedly

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball and Boston
Tags:

According to WEEI, David Ortiz is going to have some sort of response/answers etc to the charges that he tested positive for some sort of PED in 2003 later this afternoon.

Stay tuned…?

UPDATE: Now there ISN’T going to be a press conference today. Ortiz said he doesn’t have anything new to report yet. Snooze.

06
Aug
09

Call it Getting Lucky with the Irish

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Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: , , , ,

oleary1Troy O’Leary, one of the most non-Irish ballplayers to ever suit up for the Boston Red Sox hasn’t been seen in the majors since he played with the Cubs in 2003.

Troy’s ex-wife, Annette Gray O’Leary (left) has been working as an assistant principal at Kyrene Del Cielo Elementary School, at least until June when it was discovered that in the evening hours she was working as an escort.

Going by the name Taya Taylor on various online escort sites, O’Leary advertises that for $450 she provides one of my favorite experiences — the full “Girlfriend Experience.”

Local parents, such as Stacey Ambert were outraged saying:

How could this not be found out before she got a job? It seems like there should have been some research. If there’s a job on the side that’s fine, but if it’s something that compromises character, especially when the school is promoting how much character is important and character counts, then that’s an issue.

I don’t see what the big deal is; it’s not like she was banging any of the parents — probably.

And it’s an elementary school, where, as the Prez notes on Barstool Sports where I first saw this story, “Who cares if the assistant principal is an escort. Kids that age wouldn’t know what that means if she was riding dick right in the middle of their four square game.”

[AZ Central via  Barstool Sports]

06
Aug
09

It’s Still Better than Being Named Rusty Kuntz

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Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: ,

By far the best player in baseball, when Phat Albert steps up to the plate with his smug face on, as a pitcher you know you’re in trouble. But before you fret and start thinking about the many many miles of home runs that he has hit, take heart that some anonymous ESPN staffer is on your side. ESPN’s player card for Albert Pujols finally has the phonetics right for pronouncing his name. Enjoy!

pujols

And I think we can all agree that Albert has had just a slightly better career than ol’ Rusty Kuntz…

[ESPN]

04
Aug
09

WTF is Right

By slanch 1 Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
Tags: ,

I don’t have any idea what’s going on in this video, sent to me by the ever loyal the roomate, but it’s amusing and weird. Then again, I would expect nothing less from the Japanese, a people who think eating RAW fish is a good idea…

[Picture is Unrelated]

03
Aug
09

Farewell to Sidney Ponson

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Baseball
Tags: , ,

Royals Indians BaseballYesterday the Kansas City Royals released portly right-hander Sidney Ponson. Considering he has a 1-7 record in nine starts with a 7.36 ERA and an ERA+ of 59, this shouldn’t be a big surprise. Even for a team as miserable as the Royals, those numbers are simply too awful to ignore.

Unless you’re Royals manager Trey Hillman who apparently is watching a completely different pitcher then everyone else. “He did everything that we asked him to do,” Hillman said. “Honestly, I still like his stuff, I really do. It’s a matter of location.”

Yeah, location is kind of like SUPER important if you’re a pitcher. Call me crazy, but if you can’t throw strikes by the batter you’re not going to have any success, something Ponson hasn’t seen since approximately 2003.

[Baltimore Sun]

03
Aug
09

Rickey is Back, and Rickey Wants to Let You Know It

By slanch Leave a Comment
Categories: Awesome and Baseball
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ba-athletics_0500440258After getting the Oakland crowd of 35,067 to once more yell “Run, Rickey, run!” one last time, Rickey Henderson took a moment during the team’s ceremony honoring him by retiring his number to “share a little ‘Rickey-ism.'”

“It was you, the fans, who helped me run to the Hall of Fame,” Henderson said when the chant died down.

“I would like to share a little ‘Rickey-ism,’ ” he said. “Rickey have tears in his eyes. Rickey have love in his heart for you. Rickey is so very, very, very humbled. This is not just Rickey Henderson Day, this is a day for the Oakland A’s fans.”

Thank GOD! After his Hall of Fame speech where he didn’t refer to himself in the third-person ONCE, I was afeared that we might have heard the last of Rickey Henderson talk. Slanch should have known better.

[SF Gate]

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